Don’t Be Tardy
“On The Move” – S4E1
Recap by Stars99
Okay, I’ve got to be honest – I’ve not really kept up with the happenings in Kim’s life since she really wasn’t one of my favorites from among the “Real Housewives” franchises – Heck, she’s not even in the Top 10 or Top 20… However, other people seem to really enjoy the show so I decided to give it a try. I even watched a few old episodes when they replayed them last week.
I’m so glad I did.
Don’t Be Tardy for the Party is a blogger’s dream show. It’s only a half hour and it is nothing but pure entertainment fluff. Plus, you don’t have housewives screaming at each other. Now, I’m sure there will be plenty of screaming at one point or another – but it’s not going to be incessant. I hope you will enjoy the ride…
PS: Can someone please tell Bravo to get a good, current picture of the entire family up on their site, please? Or maybe they’re purposefully hiding it from me… Not an exceptionally good marketing strategy, but okay…
At the time of filming, Kroy was a free agent this year in the NFL – It was not settled at all that he would be returning to the Atlanta Falcons. So they may be staying in Atlanta or they may need to make a move. Kim asks Kroy if he wants one more baby… He says “no.” KJ has taken to really helping out Tracey (chef) in the kitchen and he even has a very cute chef outfit. They’re celebrating Ariana’s straight A’s and they’re making her a special dinner. Brielle, on the other hand, is on the Top 10 list for “Most Missed School.” Somehow, Kim just accepts that her two kids are different. While I’m sure her kids ARE different… How is it that Brielle is allowed to miss that much school?
Kim’s daughter Brielle (17) and Slade (20) have been together for a year. I cannot even believe that someone is dating a person named “Slade” from the “Real Housewives” family… It’s like we can’t get away from that original cringeworthy “Slimy Slade” who dated Jo, Laurie, and Gretchen from the Real Housewives of Orange County. Perhaps this one will not cause me to recoil into a blechy “KMN” (Kill Me Now) face whenever I hear his name. It’s going to take some doing, but I already like him a thousand times more than that other one… Maybe even a million times more. Slade changed colleges so he could go to college in Atlanta so they could be together. I think it’s great that he’s going to college… Awesome!
Ariana and Brielle make it clear they do NOT want to move if Kroy changes teams. They get into an argument about who the potential move will be hardest on. Brielle will be out of school and so she thinks she won’t have the opportunity to meet new people. Ariana doesn’t want to leave all of her friends. Ariana said that since Brielle is 18 that she doesn’t HAVE to move with them. She could just stay in Atlanta. Brielle gives Ariana a side eye during their talking head interview.
Kim says that Ariana thinks she’s going to have the hardest time with the move…Brielle thinks she’s going to have the hardest time with the move… Kim says as she points to herself, “How about this girl? I have to move all of you.”
Okay… Now this next little exchange is exactly what prompted me to blog this show (Mr. Stars99 also encouraged me to do so after seeing this clip…lol)…. I will try my best to capture it in its entirety – I encourage you guys to watch it – because I’m not sure that even an exact word-for-word transcription will be able to do it justice. It blogger’s gold.
The entire exchange is this week’s edition of, “I KID YOU NOT.” Picture Brielle and Slade are driving somewhere having a conversation. Slade is driving and after Brielle physically pokes and tickles him just to be irritating, she asks him a question. It seems like a genuine question. If it’s all an act – Then hand her an Emmy, now!
Brielle: “If trees are living, does that mean they communicate with other trees?”
Slade points to a couple of trees as they’re driving by and responds, “Like that tree right there – Like you see how it’s like, touching the other tree? They’re like… connecting.” Brielle looks out the window to where he’s pointing.
Brielle: “You’re a smart boy.”
In their talking head interview, Brielle and Slade agree that they’re exactly the same. Brielle says, “He’s literally me in guy form.” Slade says, “Great minds think alike, right, babe?”
Later on, during the same car ride, Brielle makes a cell call to a restaurant on speakerphone and asks to place a “To Go” order. After she orders a couple of salads, she asks for a crab cake. She’s told they’re out of crab cakes. This is the remainder of the conversation… I KID YOU NOT:
Restaurant: “We’re out of crab cakes, sorry.”
Brielle: “Oh, well, what could you use to like, substitute it?” Then Brielle turns and asks Slade, “A carrot cake is like the same thing, right?”
Slade: “Uuummmm… I’ve never had carrot cake.”
Brielle to the restaurant: “Can I just take a carrot cake?”
Restaurant: “You know a crab cake is like, made out of crab…”
Brielle responds in her best authoritative and professional voice: “I’m sure carrot cake will be just fine. That’s it, thanks!” She hangs up the phone.
Brielle to Slade: “There can’t be much of a difference between a carrot cake and a crab cake, right?”
Slade: “I don’t know.”
Brielle reasons in her head: “A crab leg is like a carrot leg.”
Slade: “Uhhhh… Did you just say, “A carrot leg?”
Brielle: “Yeah, they’re both like, orange-red.”
Slade: “Google it.”
Brielle looks it up on her cellphone and says, “Dude, this is literally a cake with a slice of carrot on it.”
Slade: “It’s nothing like a crab cake.”
In Kim, also known as “Captain Obvious” in her talking head interview with Kroy, says in a completely deadpan way, “Brielle’s not ready to be an adult. I hope she never is… Never… ” I’m just going to stay quiet on this topic for the moment until I get more information…lol. However, I reserve the right to snark about it in the future, however…lol.
Tracey is making blue Rice Krispy treats that her “sous chef” KJ suggested that she make… I love the relationship Tracey has with KJ. I think it’s great that KJ is in the kitchen and that Kroy is not bothered about it at all… Some football players might prefer their kids to be… You know… Playing football…
Gloria, Kim’s former nanny, is now her assistant and has taken the place of Sweetie. Kim says that Gloria has done more in the last 2 months than Sweetie got done in a year. Evidently, Sweetie wanted more of a 9:00 AM – 5:00 PM job – and that’s just not the kind of job that Kim has with this huge of a household. Perhaps some of you might know the inside story on this… I’m not sure why Kim needed to take a jab at Sweetie who is not there to defend herself… but okay…
Kim is really flipped out that Brielle has told her that if they move that she will not be moving with them. She is planning on living in the dorms for her first year because it’s mandatory as a freshman. I wonder if she’s planning on actually attending a single class…
Kim and Gloria talk a little bit about all the things that they will have to do if they move. Kim was not anticipating having to leave her firstborn behind when they move. In Kim’s mind, since Brielle had been there through every other move they’ve made throughout her lifetime – that she would naturally be there for this one, too. Kim is floating down a river called, “De Nile.”
They talk about dogs. Kim’s dog of 12 years named, “Chanel” unfortunately passed away last year which was really hard on the family. They all loved Chanel. Kim immediately got “Sinatra.” And then they got 2 more Pomeranians (Jet and Turbo) because she thought they’d be like Chanel. She was wrong. Very wrong. They talk about how Jet’s penis is always hanging out and that it’s red. Sighs. I kinda wondered if we could get through an entire show without Kim talking about a penis. Evidently not… Gloria said it’s called a, “Red Rocket.” Okay… well, I learned something new. Oh, and just in case you were wondering, Turbo is missing a ball… Since Kim paid $5,000 for the dog they think it should have 2 balls. Kim wants Gloria to check that out. Gloria is putting on her “To Do” list for tomorrow.
The stuff in Kim’s closet is insured for $2 million dollars, so when they move, she wants someone she knows to drive the truck. They decide that Chef Tracey could drive it. When they tell Tracey about wanting her to drive an 18-wheeler truck, she agrees to the plan without batting an eye.
Okay, then they continue talking about Kim’s dogs and their various issues. They tell Tracey about Turbo’s missing ball – She wants clarification on if he just has one ball – or if there’s 2, but one is stuck “up inside.” Kim confirms one is just stuck. Tracey offers to “pop it out” for her. They go into detail about exactly how to do it – but I don’t want any of us to throw up. Tracey’s mom is a dog groomer and so Tracey seems to know a lot about them. Tracey is absolute gold… (Not to be confused with “Tracey Gold” from Growing Pains). While in the kitchen, playing around with KJ, Kim lost the tip of her nail. I’m not sure I’d want to eat any of the food that’s out… She prays to St. Anthony to find her nail tip. I wasn’t aware that’s who to call on in that situation…. I learned something new…
Kim is supposed to be figuring out which items from her closet she will move and which will stay behind. However, Kim does not agree with Kroy and decides she’s just going to move everything. Shun (Kim’s confidante and stylist) brings even more stuff. Kim loves Shun because Shun completely understands Kim’s sexy style.
The last scene is around the pool, and they’re talking once again about Brielle making the move with them. It seems that Kim wants her kids to live with her forever. Kroy would prefer that Kim to be more like a mama bear and kick them out when they’re old enough. Kim doesn’t think Brielle is ready to be on her own because she has no job and no money. She wants her to forever live with them. She maintains Brielle can be independent from them and still live with them, like above their garage. Brielle asks her mom why she just can’t set her free. Kim tells Brielle that she’s stuck with them for at least another 10 years. Brielle thinks she’s “served her time” and is “done.” Kim admits to not knowing how to let go and she wishes someone would tell her how to do it.
I think Brielle’s not ready to be on her own because she doesn’t know that there’s a difference between a crab cake and a carrot cake. Plus she thinks that carrots have legs… And that trees talk to each other. Well, to be honest, who am I to say that trees DON’T talk to each other and have personalities of their own. Perhaps sequoias are the bullies of the trees because they’re so big and don’t take any guff from anyone… I think maples are sarcastic trees because they’re always so full of sap… Plus, I’ve always found weeping willows to be a little shady… Ooooo and palm trees are the pranksters because they wait for someone to walk right under them and then drop a coconut on their head. (Okay, I’ll stop right there… but you might have your own ideas… lol)…
To be fair, some scientific studies have concluded that plant life indeed responds to sounds. My mom knew it – She talked to plants and coaxed them back to life all the time – She was a real plant whisperer. Seriously, she didn’t just have a green thumb, she had a green arm. However, I doubt if the plants ever talked back to her. But if they did, I’m sure they were “grounded” and sent to “bed” without their supper (I’m thinking I just might have had too much caffeine tonight… no?…lol)…
I wonder if plants prefer the music of “Soundgarden” over the music of “Neon Trees.” Or if they prefer the oldies like “Don’t Sit Under the Apple Tree (With Anyone Else but Me) or “Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Old Oak Tree” to “The Cherry Tree” or “Weeping Willow.” Okay, now I’ll really stop… honest…
What did one tree say to the other, “I’m pining for you.” (Yes folks, I just made that up… You’re welcome…) lol… lol…lol… I bet I can find information about other tree jokes… Yep! Lol…hilarious…
I’ll leave you with a few groaner tree jokes taken directly from a site that can be accessed at: http://www.ducksters.com/jokesforkids/tree.php
Q: Why did the pine tree get into trouble?
A: Because it was being knotty
Q: What kind of tree can fit into your hand?
A: A palm tree!
Q: What did the beaver say to the tree?
A: It’s been nice gnawing you!
This show has always attained a viewership of over a million. No wonder Bravo loves it so much. Once there are stats for a couple of more episodes, I’ll make a chart – but until then, here is the raw data for average viewership by season. Thanks to Randy at http://bravowhore.com/DontBeTardy who allows me to use his statistics for my posts:
Average viewership for Season 1: 1,604,444
Average viewership for Season 2: 1,066,667
Average viewership for Season 3: 1,000,831
Viewership for Episode 1 of Season 4: 1,375,000
Rut roh… One of their dogs gets fixed and is so not happy about it… I don’t think I’d be happy about it, either. Kroy finds an opossum in their backyard and you would think it was King Kong from the way Kim is reacting to it… And it’s Brielle’s 18th birthday. Wow… Brielle is a now a voting adult. Let that sink in for a moment…
Thanks so much for reading… I think this will be a fun show to recap and to snark about… I’ll try to fit it in when other shows aren’t being recapped… So keep on the lookout for it! Like I said, Kim was NOT my favorite person when she was unabashedly dating Big Poppa (he was married) during her days on Real Housewives of Atlanta. However, as shocking as it is to me, it seems like she and Kroy are a really good match. Go figure! Hope you have a great weekend…