Remember Last Week…
Carole and Dorinda were in London to pick up an urn… Bethenny had a “Red Party” infomercial… Sonja broke a tooth… and Ramona is in heat… I wish we could just fix her… In more ways than one.
Carole and Heather meet to talk about Carole’s trip to London. Evidently, Carole had to stop texting everyone when she found it that it was going to cost her a lot of money in “roaming” charges. I thought you could switch your cell plan for a month to handle that stuff… hmmm….
I think it’s funny how Heather calls Carole different names every time she sees her. I can’t really talk, because I nickname people all the time – but for some reason it’s hilarious to me when she calls Carole, “Sugar Bean.”
Carole said that she was a little nervous about going with Dorinda but that it worked out really well. They have a lot in common and talked about a lot of things she hadn’t really talked to anyone else about for a long time, if ever. As widows, they have so many commonalities. Carole appreciated getting to know another layer of Dorinda. She talked about how they smuggled the urn in one of Dorinda’s suitcases with a crazy fur coat wrapped around it. Carole said that she realized the urn could be mistaken for a bomb of some kind. They both flipped out when THEY were going through security – and they were told they had to wait. It turns out TSA has issues with hand lotion being above the established limit but they have no problems with an item that looks like a bomb. I feel safer now… Don’t you?
Carole put the urn on a shelf and it looks like a little piece of art. It looks perfectly at home. Carole is embracing it as a part of her past life that is still part of her present life. She doesn’t plan on moving it again. Carole feels like she has become a better person from what she’s gone through.
Heather clues in Carole about Bethenny’s red party. The party was awesome but Ramona was not. She told Carole how wonky Ramona was about wanting to know where all the hot guys were. Heather thinks that this is how Ramona is. Carole thinks it’s because Ramona doesn’t know how to be single. I kind of think that Ramona didn’t sow a lot of wild oats before she got married to Mario – So now she is sowing ‘em like a farmer in heat in mid-July. It seems like she’s enjoying herself but she’s making everyone else crazy who is around her… lol.
Heather goes on to say that with Ramona her behaviors are still the same. She’s unfiltered, she has no manners, and she’s rude. The only way to change is to get to the root of things – She’s not a “work in progress” because truly nothing has changed. Heather thinks it’s kind of like she’s antsy and not content. Carole thinks she just needs to get laid. Ramona blushes whenever Carole tells her so.
Bethenny arrives at Sonja Morgan’s headquarters… Well, at least for the day. She really does wonder where Sonja’s International Lifestyle Brand Headquarters is located. The last meeting Bethenny attended of Sonja’s was held at rented office space for the day. Bethenny is unsure what she’s doing there. She’s told by Sonja’s minions that they’re doing casting at this meeting. This surprises Bethenny because she doesn’t know anything about casting – It’s not in her wheelhouse. Now if she wanted to talk about a marketing plan – she would be all over it.
After a while, Sonja finally saunters in. Bethenny busts her chops for being late but Sonja just says “fiddle dee dee” and blames traffic. Bethenny points out that she was in the same traffic.
Bethenny tells Sonja she’s surprised she’s not seeing clothes at this meeting. Sonja compliments Bethenny on the big ass bow on her chest and her ensemble. That Sonja is a master of distraction, isn’t she? If someone is cranky at you – Just compliment them… lol… Bethenny tells Sonja “it’s cheap.” I’m not sure if she’s talking about the big ass bow or her chest.
Sonja tells us that she is planning to debut her fashion collection at New York Fashion Week. She is hand-picking her models that she feels represents her brand ID. Heather walks in. Heather is excited about helping to pick out clothes for the fashion show. Rut roh…lol…
I’m dying laffin’ because both of these successful women who have very limited discretionary time were told they would be looking at clothes and for some reason now they’re not. They kind of bounce back and decide to make the best out of the time they have. Heather asks Sonja what she’s looking for in a model so she can help in any way she can.
Sonja spouts off her delusional fluffy nebulous Sonja-speak that it’s a heritage brand… Bethenny asks her what that means. Sonja’s minions from across the table step in and say it’s traditional – it’s classic – it’s not what is on trend right now. Bethenny’s eyebrows raise at that one. I’m ding laffin’ because you’d NEVER want to be on trend in the fashion industry, right? Lol… Bethenny tries her best to keep a poker face. You can really tell she’s trying hard not to laugh or to be highly critical.
Heather tries to understand it better… And Sonja’s minions again list off some types of pieces they will have and that they will be sexy, always sexy.
The first model, Heather, suddenly appears before them. Wow… It’s hard to tell her apart from the minions. Sonja takes one look at her and tells her minions to check her measurements because she appears to be very slim at the waist… Like she’s more of a Versace kind of model. Sonja says she’s beautiful – But her cut is not our fit. She is looking for more of a Ralph Lauren type of model.
After she leaves, Bethenny asks Sonja if you’re supposed to say that stuff in front of the model. Heather echoes Bethenny’s sentiment and says that you shouldn’t talk like that in front of the models. Sonja says she used to be a model and that stuff is said in front of them all of the time. Bethenny thinks the model is potentially gonna go home and kill herself.
Bethenny doesn’t want to contribute to the whole, “You’re too this” or “You’re too that” which is so common in the fashion industry. She doesn’t want to be responsible for a model to get an eating disorder on her watch…lol.
The 2nd model arrives but Sonja is too busy telling Heather that she took offence at her comment about how she treated the 1st model. The weird thing was that Sonja never even looked at Heather when she was telling her she was offended. Heather was sitting right next to her. Heather tries to tell Sonja that the fact that she doesn’t fit what Sonja’s looking for is no fault of the model. Sonja thinks it’s better to tell them upfront so they’re not waiting for a call that will never come. Bethenny tells Sonja that it wasn’t Heather who raised the objection but that it was Bethenny – So if she is going to be mad at someone it should be Bethenny. Heather tells Sonja that if she doesn’t want her help, she doesn’t have to be there – It’s really that easy.
In her talking head interview (TH), Sonja says that she took offense at Heather’s comments. She said that Heather always has to be the most successful women in the world. She says that Heather has no other identity. What? Wow… Where does she come up with this crap? Heather may not always be my favorite person, and while she is very successful, she also seems like an adoring wife and a loving mother. Petty is not a good look on you, Sonja Morgan.
As Sonja and Heather go back and forth, Bethenny has a running commentary with the model who is patiently standing waiting for them to stop arguing. Bethenny tells the model to, “Stick around – It will be fun.”
Sonja looks at a model and almost leaps for joy – And says, “Now THAT is my brand.” She says it was because the model had a waist, hips, tits, and ass. (Those were her words… not mine…lol)…The model has to look, walk, and breathe Sonja Morgan…. Whatever THAT means… lol.
Heather, who continues to want clarity, asks Sonja, “Who do you envision yourself hanging with in the department store?” Sonja laughs and says that everyone asks that question. Right.. So you should have a well-thought out response, right? Nope…
One of Sonja’s main sleazy minions responded – and I’m quoting him directly, “It’s actually better we brand the way we are building. It’s really no competition – and there’s no real brand in the middle between.” Heather is like, what the heck? He continues, “Because, the way we are trying to build it is very classic, you know, very formal…with a sexy Sonja twist – because no one is doing that…” lol… Right… No one else is doing a sexy Sonja twist cuz no one else is Sonja…lol.
After not receiving a satisfying answer, Heather continues to probe… She says that the clothing line will have to sit somewhere in the department store – What are the brands that will be next to it. The minion said they cannot say the brand names. Bethenny tries to get clarification on Heather’s behalf and asks the same thing in a different way.
Sonja said that she had that same conversation with Mauricio, her brand expert and he said the exact same thing. Bethenny scoots her chair back towards the wall and physically hits her head against the wall. One of the minions laffs.
These are very simple questions about building a business and they can’t answer them. I don’t think the minions know what they’re doing. Heather thinks they should be able to easily say, “This is where we want to hang” and “This is the demographic we’re targeting.” Heather is sweating on behalf of Sonja because she realizes how little her minions really know about stuff. The head minion says he’s not sweating at all – He seems very proud of it. Of course he’s not sweating – It’s because he’s too busy laughing all the way to the bank at Sonja’s expense.
Dorinda and Ramona
Dorinda met with Ramona at a restaurant to talk about the London trip, I imagine. Ramona goes off on a story about how she met the owner of Cipriani when she interrupted his meal and asked him what he was eating because it looked so good. Don’t we normally ask the waiters that kind of thing? Oh wait, I forgot, Ramona is in heat…lol.
When it was Dorinda’s turn to talk, she said that she and Carole got along so well on their trip. Dorinda decided to retrieve the ring out of the safe that Richard gave her and she wore it on her trip. She feels like she has closure of Richard’s death now. She talks about how when he first died, that Dorinda went into a cocoon and just focused on Hannah. Then when John came along, she also focused on him.
She talks about how her cell phone died when she was in London so she couldn’t call John. Really? So like, there wasn’t a phone in your hotel room? Puhleeze. Anyway, John got worried and called hotel security to check on Dorinda. Yeah, hotels won’t put calls through to the rooms after a certain time of night…lol. So, hotel security came knocking on Dorinda’s door.
John explained that all kinds of horrible things were going through his head at what might have happened to Dorinda. She saw right through it and said it was probably because he thought she was in bed with someone else. She tells us that he is a needy person. I think she’s probably right – But she also didn’t call him when she was supposed to. I dunno, I just think it’s disrespectful to let someone worry. I don’t know that I would have called hotel security – but I’m guessing that I wouldn’t have slept well that night.
Ramona has discovered that she wants her life back. She has spent her life taking care of others – Like Mario, Avery, etc. Now, she doesn’t want to take care of everything and instead wants someone to take care of her. She still likes to work and to go out and be social. Mario kind of wants to drop out. Ramona doesn’t want to be with someone who wants to give up on life. She has been slowly distancing herself from him and she feels good about it.
Ramona suddenly noticed the cute waiter who has been serving them all this time and she tells him that he’s very cute as she bats her eyes at him. They ask him if he’s an actor. They find out that he’s single and Ramona asks Dorinda if she’s hitting on him, too… Dorinda mentions that she has a daughter…lol. I die laughing…
Pop of Color
Kristen is so excited that her nail polish, Pop of Color is going to be on all the model’s nails at the Elie Tahari fashion show during New York Fashion Week! That’s so awesome! Carole and Heather are there to support Kristen at the fashion show. Carole wants to know if Kristen used any of her creative names for her nail colors. They must be still deciding. Carole eats a cookie and polishes her nails. I really do love how they are really supporting each other. This idea of marrying her nail polish to Fashion Week is kinda brilliant.
Sonja’s Fashion Show
Sonja is premiering her line during New York Fashion Week without actually showing at Lincoln Center…lol. Instead, she has space at the Carriage House and is using social media to promote it. It was said that it might be a smart move to backdoor the fashion show – but then everyone wanted to stop short of talking about backdooring anything when Sonja’s involved. Arrr, ye matey!
As Sonja is getting ready, she says that she’s been putting together this fashion show for eons. She tells one of her assistants/free interns to get out their pad and pen… But alas, they’ve come ill prepared. She tells another intern, I think it’s her stylist intern, that they had 10 models set and ready to go but because of the cold weather that 3 of them have dropped out. Pssst… Those models prolly modeling at other jobs… Great models are in high demand during Fashion Week. Sonja has decided that she will do 5 looks on the models – change, and then do another 5. She knows that something always goes wrong during fashion shows. A little foreshadowing, no?
It doesn’t take long for pandemonium to hit when Sonja finds out the highly important seating chart is not only incorrect (seats for Bloomingdales, Saks, etc. aren’t even on it), but also the signs for the chairs aren’t even printed. Sonja asks for sharpies and paper and does the signs by hand… lol… OMG OMG OMG… This is the kind of stuff that would flip my fig. Such an easy thing to do ahead of time…
Sonja complains about having to do everything herself. She tells her free interns to tell her about problems as they come up because she is the problem solver. She wants her free interns to learn from her. Arguably, they do learn from her… It just may not be what she thinks they’re learning from her. For example, just last week one learned that you don’t serve wine in champagne flutes.
I’ve got to say, everyone is at least acting like they want Sonja to succeed. They know Sonja has great taste in general. Sonja has to do a lot of last minute things that she really shouldn’t have had to do… Heck, I had a 10th grade intern that could run circles around 4 of Sonja’s interns put together.
One of Sonja’s minions asked if she would like her to tape her outfit – Sonja said she wouldn’t need it because her chesticles are too small. Oh Sonja, let’s just say, “June was busting out all over.” And I DO mean ALL over…
As all of the housewives are arriving and chatting, Ramona walked in and when she sees Bethenny she asked what are the odds that they both would be wearing below the knee dresses today… Bethenny said (because she is really, really cranky at Ramona for some reason), “Given the fact that you like to take my dresses – Pretty good.” I die laffing… Ramona said it was just 1 dress. Bethenny insisted that it was 2 – and both were on the same day. Then, as if to rub salt in the wound, Bethenny quoted Ramona’s lame excuse about how one of them might have fallen out the back of her car or something.
Okay, riddle me this… I get why the housewives wouldn’t be wearing Sonja’s yet-to-be revealed collection, but couldn’t they have worn some jewelry or something – They could have been additional walking talking marketing representatives, no?
Bethenny brings up an evite she’s received to Ramona’s “New Beginnings” event. Wow… Bethenny is really worked up – You can tell she’s about to really flip out. Bethenny wants to know when the new beginning is starting. Ramona told her that we’re now celebrating the new beginning. Bethenny, being a smart ass, confirms that it hasn’t started yet.
Ramona told her “no,” and she confirms that it has been going on. Bethenny said so you’re announcing it now – You’re announcing that it WAS a new beginning? I think you should say it’s “Old Habits.” Ramona nervously laughs. Bethenny wants Ramona to STFU with her “New Beginning” crap. She wonders why she’s so irritated with her “New Beginnings” party – It really should be “Old BS” party. Bethenny started to list out her grievances against Ramona.
Everyone decides to take their seats because they know the show is going to start soon. Somewhere off in the distance, Stars99 starts to inexplicably sing, “To Dream the Impossible Dream…” lol…
Meanwhile backstage, Sonja flipped out because she had requested the model’s hair would be styled in updos/chignons. She starts yelling at everyone – something about having 2 looks. Sonja had 2 looks for the girl… There’s one guy who seems to be getting most of her wrath and doesn’t know why he’s getting yelled at.
Sonja said this is not happening… Well, it was probably a little more colorful – but my anxiety over a highly disorganized event took over my body and I melted into a puddle of goo. There are so many things that go wrong at any kind of large event like this – that you really have to be hyper organized so at least when the thousands of moving parts go missing you know where to find them. Ask the Super Stars about my clipboard sometime… lol.
As Sonja continued to go ballistic about the 2nd looks – All of her guests are still waiting – Some are more patient than others. Sonja insisted that it’s better to go out late than to go out looking bad.
So the show starts, and you see the models come down a set of beautiful stairs and walk down a wooden floor inches from where people are seated. This is a very long, narrow space. For some reason I get distracted when I realize how easy it would be for someone to put their foot out and trip one of the models. OoooOOooo Remember how Carrie tripped on a runway on Sex in the City? I get neurotically nervous for the models…
Everyone is absolutely wowed at the fashion line coming down the stairs. Heather says that it’s beautiful. Bethenny says that Sonja has good taste… Kristen says the fabrics are beautiful and there’s a great variety. Hey, how come Kristen didn’t model in it? Oh, she’s prolly too skinny. Poor Kristen… Carole said the empress has clothes and they’re really nice clothes.
After they see the first few looks, all of the sudden the fashion show stops for no apparent reason. After a while, people start looking around at each other… They’re wondering if that was the end… or if there’s more to the fashion show. They wonder if there was a problem in the back… Heather said that models are expensive, and if you don’t have enough models so each wears just 1 look, you at least have to book enough models so it gives them enough time to change into their 2nd look – so the fashion show can go on seamlessly.
Sonja slams the door on her director who is prodding her that they need to continue with the show. Sonja tells her to go pass them some champagne. Sonja doesn’t understand about the rush because after all, she has a bar and cocktails available for everyone and they can just sit there “a minute.” It’s interesting, because I got a real sense of Sonja’s deep sense of entitlement in this moment – She’s really used to people just waiting for her supreme arrival. She has no respect for anyone else’s time at all.
Sonja supplies the cameras with never-ending drivel about polo matches, private jets, etc. Then she talks about dealing with $4 million dollars’ worth of jewelry… yadda, yadda, yadda.
However, this little intermission, gives opportunity for Bethenny to pick up with her fight with Ramona. She tells Ramona that Heather told her what Ramona’s been saying behind Bethenny’s back about her. Bethenny says it’s the whole story about when she allegedly cheated on her first husband and then broke up with him. Whoa… Ramona had been saying that Bethenny is a cheater – and evidently, Ramona told a bunch of people so Bethenny is really cranky about that.
Bethenny says that she’s referring to that last night at Turks and Caikos when Ramona acted all wonky towards Carole and Bethenny when she came in and moved in on the guy Bethenny and Carole were talking to and then just ignored them. Bethenny was surprised at this behavior. Heather asked why she’s so surprised and then she tells Bethenny that Ramona talks badly about her all of the time.
Ramona tries to clarify what she said. She told Heather that when Bethenny was first married, that the relationship with her husband wasn’t going well and so she had an affair.
Bethenny responded, “But that didn’t happen. Did you read it in a paper? So now, I have to do damage control…” We all know that damage control is Bethenny’s least favorite thing in the world to do.
Ramona says that she doesn’t want to go there… Bethenny says, “But you DID go there.” Bethenny tells us Ramona’s behavior is desperate, nasty, entitled, and selfish. Bethenny tells Ramona to let’s just pretend that I was married and I had sex with 20 people… Why are you talking to other people about it? Ramona says that she has people ask about Bethenny all the time… But didn’t this all come out of a conversation with Heather? Last I checked, Heather isn’t a random reporter asking for a soundbite about a castmate. Bethenny says she has people ask her about Ramona and her situation all of the time, too… but she would NEVER say anything about the Ramona that she has come to know…
Bethenny is not done frying Ramona so she continues to tell Ramona that she’s acting like how she’s this changed person. Ramona, The Apologizer says, “I’m not perfect – So slit my wrists…” OMG… Ramona babbles on about how at that time in her life… bladitty blah blah blah… Then she asks Bethenny to crucify her. I don’t think Bethenny needs to crucify her… but I do think she needs to take out a honkin’ spatula and flip her over in the blazing hot frying pan she’s in. Bethenny thinks Ramona’s veiled apologies are like the boy that cried wolf… Do you adore me and I’m sorry… Ramona repeats, “Go ahead, crucify me… Cut me up.” Bethenny says that’s not going to work anymore… Rut roh…
Wow… Bethenny continues the frying as she tells Ramona about how she walked up to Bethenny at her Red Party and asked about where’s the guys – and Bethenny points to a guy standing right next to her, and Ramona’s response was that he was just a bartender. Bethenny says that you can’t talk to people like that. Ramona can’t just walk into a house and pick any room she wants because she thinks she owns it. Ramona tells Bethenny she can’t throw stones at glass houses.
Bethenny tells Ramona that she stole 2 dresses from her, lied about it, and posted pictures. Ramona bellyaches that they’re talking about the dresses again. She acts like it was nothing. Ramona offers to pay for the dresses. Bethenny adds up their worth in her head and comes to $1,000. Bethenny tells her that she will take the money and donate it to the charity, “Dress for Success.” I’m reminded that during Kristen’s charity event, that Ramona went ballistic over her donation of six $80 necklaces not getting the fanfare parade she would have liked. Money is a funny thing, no?
Ramona said she emailed Bethenny’s “office” about the dresses. Bethenny said that she would love to see that email. Ramona doesn’t understand what possible good will come out of talking about the dress issue again. Well, at least “Dress for Success.” is going to get some money out of it, no? Ramona would prefer to just forget about it. Yeah, I just bet she would.
Wow… Bethenny is still ranting at Ramona. She tells her that she shouldn’t have a “New Beginning” party and act like you’ve really changed when you haven’t. Ramona says it’s not about that – It’s not about change – It’s about having a new life… It’s a “New Beginning” because she is single and is no longer married. Oh, it’s a “Happy Divorce” party, no? They do have Hallmark cards for that… I also think it’s because Bravo needed a finale party and so this is going to be it. Ramona patronizingly tells Bethenny she’s entitled to feel however she wants to feel and that we all have our good and bad days…lol.
Ramona tells Bethenny that if she wants to pick a fight… That she’s just not going to go there (too late) – So Bethenny can just go somewhere else. Bethenny stands her ground and tells Ramona she’s welcome to stand up.
Bethenny says she is not going to a “New Beginnings” party. I say she’s full of it – It’s Bravo’s finally the finale party – So she HAS to go.
Luann says “Hallelujah” when the 2nd looks come finally walking down the runway. I actually forgot we were even at a fashion show…Mr. Stars99 said, “Hallelujah – It’s the 2nd coming.” I mean we’ve been waiting almost just as long for it, no?
Everyone is so THRILLED for Sonja – She did it… She actually pulled it off. Bethenny knows this is so great for Sonja – So the others will have to get off her toaster oven jock.
As Sonja walks out wearing a red tuxedo jumpsuit from her fashion line, we almost have several wardrobe malfunctions. I kind of think that was part of Sonja’s plan… If something bad had happened with the fashion show, people would be mesmerized with her boobies…lol. I guess it’s the oldest trick in the book no?
Everyone is highly complementary to Sonja who is just basking in the attention and relishing every word. She’s told that her fashion show was better than half the shows they’ve seen at Lincoln Center… Wow… That’s saying a lot. GOOD JOB, SONJA! Now, go get some staff who are actually competent.
To see all the looks from Sonja’s runway show, please click here: http://www.sonjamorgannewyork.com/preview/
To see all the products she has to offer at this point, please click here: http://www.sonjamorgannewyork.com/
Please see the current viewership statistics in the chart below. Thanks again to Randy at http://bravowhore.com/post/117097147199/rhonys7 who allows me to use his statistics for my charts.
It’s finally the finale! Yay! Ramona says that she “conveyed” something to Heather about Bethenny’s 1st marriage that she shouldn’t have… Bethenny asks Carole about where things stand between she and Luann now… John takes Dorinda by the hand and says something about how they’ve been going out for 3 years now… (Rut roh…) Then something about a ring is mentioned… Dorinda looks like she’s going to be sick… Ramona and Sonja are dancing and Sonja has a big bow on her head. I believe that’s because Sonja is the gift that keeps on giving. Heather tells Bethenny that Bethenny chooses to be a bitch and that she can choose something else… lol…
Well, that’s it for this week – It was kind of an exhausting episode – but a fun one. I wanted to get the dialog correct because it’s really the culmination of the season before the finale. I’ll leave you with some tweets that were tweeted while the episode was airing. Thanks so much for reading… I hope to see you next week… Happy Trails!