Remember Last Week…
They arrived in Tahiti… Who CARES about anything else? Oh, except maybe that Vicki thinks Meghan is a gold digger…lol.
Each woman is given a gorgeous over-the-water bungalow with Tamra, Vicki, and Heather’s in one direction, and Meghan, Shannon and Lizzie’s in another direction.
They are there all of 2 seconds and Tamra decides she wants to show her newly bought boobies to the world and so she runs topless right in front of the cameras and jumps into the water. Other hotel guests just look at her wondering what planet she’s from. A disapproving Heather tells Tamra that Eddie put Heather in charge of Tamra to help keep her out of trouble. Good luck with that… Heather tells Tamra to get out of the water and get ready for dinner. Meghan was in this scene, too – She just didn’t do anything to add to it other than to wear a very cool bikini.
The women are in beautiful Tahiti. They take a large ship to get to Moorea. Unfortunately, Vicki gets seasick and has to run for the restroom. Shannon has also been sick since she arrived. And Meghan just generally makes me sick… Gosh, I hope this episode gets better.
May I just say how beautiful Moorea is? Wow… They arrive at their hotel and are fantabulously greeted with music, dancing, leis, and champagne as their hostess invitingly says, “Welcome to the Sofitel Moorea la Ora Beach Resort.” Of course, Tamra not only has to notice one of the male dancer’s hangie down things is hanging down and flopping around to the music, but also feels the need to ask him about it. Okay, this is an example of why Americans aren’t liked very much. Too many of us act like entitled, rude brats. It embarrasses me…
Shannon looks at all of the fattening “welcome” goodies in her bungalow and just sniffs them. She knows she will soon be wearing a bathing suit. Shannon tells us that every day she battles having a cough. She uses a nebulizer every day to keep her lungs clear… While watching the episode, I was confused at why Shannon seemed to be reading directions for the nebulizer, and her blog tells us that her personal nebulizer stopped working so she had to rent a Tahitian one that she couldn’t figure out how to use… Whew… mystery solved… I would have lost sleep over that… lol.
The women are seated at a beautiful, candlelit table. I breathe a sigh of relief when I see all of the candles are safely ensconced in appropriately shielded glass vessels (Unlike a recent episode of Real Housewives of New York City where I just about called the fire department myself…).lol.
They find out they don’t have to order dinner – They’re just served various items one by one. Rut roh… You just KNOW this is going to be a pain, no? They “cheers” to their first night in Moorea and they’re served their first course. Meghan remarks to Tamra that she looks like she got some sun. Yeah, her boobies got some sun, for sure. Vicki takes one look her meal and asks for it to be cooked some more. I’m generally nervous about sending food back to the kitchen for any reason, to be honest. I know too many people who work in the restaurant industry.
When Tamra is served scallops she remarks that she really isn’t much of a scallops person. Meghan thinks Orange County women are so high maintenance. Moments later, after taking a bite, Meghan inhales sharply from eating something so spicy that she almost died. The timing was hilarious…
For some reason, they start talking about Brooks. Vicki tells them he is in the midst of making a choice about his treatment strategy. According to Tamra, he has only had 3 rounds of chemo so far. They are currently operating under the concept of starving the cancer so it doesn’t have anything to feed off of. This strategy seems to have worked in other cases. Brooks keeps dropping pounds. Brooks seems to think the chemo will kill him before the cancer will. Shannon knows there are other treatment solutions out there and wishes he would go to the doctor she has recommended to him.
Vicki wants Lizzie to whoop it up with them – but Lizzie thinks she might be pregnant. Fortunately, they bought her a couple of pregnancy tests so she can know once and for all if she’s pregnant or not. After dinner, the women go to Lizzie’s room to participate in the great pee test. After Vicki is her annoying self, Lizzie is relieved to find out that both tests come back confirming she is NOT pregnant… Lizzie has some serious whooping it up to catch up on… Meghan is sad because she is constantly reminded how she doesn’t have any biological children.
The next day, the women meet to go on their next excursion. Shannon is feeling so much better and is finally in a “Vacation Shannon” mood.
As they’re hanging out and waiting around, Tamra tells Meghan that she should have a baby NOW. Meghan tells her that she already has 4 kids. Vicki says, “But they’re not yours – It’s different when they’re yours.” Meghan rightly asked Vicki if she has ever been a stepmom… Vicki said that she hasn’t but she points out that her ex-husband, Don, was the stepfather to her 2 children. I seem to remember Vicki saying in a previous episode, how her children consider Don to be their father, no?
Authoritatively, Tamra agrees with Vicki and says, “There IS a difference.” Meghan asks Tamra if SHE had ever been a stepmom. Nope. In her talking head interview (TH), Vicki says Meghan’s acting like she’s the mother to Jim’s 4 children and she’s not. She’s a brand new married stepmother. Vicki thinks Meghan just needs to find her place. Tamra tells Meghan that being a biological mom is a different feeling than being a stepmother. Meghan says that Tamra has never been a stepmom so it’s hard for her to say.
Vicki says that she thinks Meghan’s behavior is very disrespectful to mothers. Meghan says that even though she’s only been married for 4 months that she’s been in Jim’s children’s lives for over 2 years. Vicki says but that’s not a lifetime – We’re talking about bearing your own child and having your own child… Meghan starts to cry.
Vicki then callously says it’s nothing to cry about – But that Meghan just won’t know the feeling of being a mother until she has her own biological children.
Okay, I’ve just got to stop here… When did giving birth to children biologically become a prerequisite to being a mother? I believe that one of the strengths of our society is how inclusive we have become. The definition of “family” has really demographically changed and now encompasses a lot of varying types of relationships. People are adopting children of various ages from all over the world with open arms. People are having surrogate children left and right. The skyrocketing numbers of divorces alone require us to adjust our view of what constitutes a family.
Vicki and Tamra, you’re such pompous gooberheads and are clueless in life – Meghan married a man who already has 4 kids with 2 different wives and is 45-years-old. He may NOT want to have any more kids. It’s a decision and a sacrifice that Meghan may have had to make when she married him. It is really quite difficult when you want to have kids but you can’t for whatever reason. By the way, I’m also sick and tired of women implying that those of us who do not have children are not real women. GMAB.
By the way, when I looked up Jim’s age, I found out that he and I share the same birthday – Not the same year, but whoa… Can you believe that? I’m telling you – People who were born on June 27th are soon going to take over the world! But I digress…
For much of my life, I always thought I would have my own kids – But that I would likely adopt them, just like I am adopted. Honestly, I saw no reason in bringing another life into the world biologically when there were already so many babies and children here who desperately need our love and nurturing. By Tamra and Vicki’s judgments, I would have never known what it’s like to be a real mother just because I didn’t give birth to them biologically. That’s a load of crap. In essence, they’re saying that my mom never knew what it was like to be a real mom just because she didn’t give birth to me biologically. They are clearly absolutely clueless about a person’s capacity to love a child, any child, any child at all. It offends me to my core. Biological mothers are awesome… but so are other kinds of mothers.
Can you tell I’m fuming about this? On top of it all, Vicki and Tamra are making me actually DEFEND Meghan… Can you believe it? I know I can’t…
I believe it’s immaterial how old a child is when you enfold them into your life, as a mom, a stepmom, or a surrogate parent of some type. So many kids are raised by people other than their biological parents. Once you operate and commit to the role as a child’s caretaker and nurturer – You’re essentially parenting them. Many kids may never know “mother” as a true biological noun, but will experience “mother” as a verb through other people’s interventions.
I’m not talking about trying to take the place of an existing, loving biological mother – at all… Jim’s kids seem to have wonderful, loving mothers. When Meghan married Jim, she committed to his family. The problem Meghan is having with Hayley is that she’s already 17-years-old and thus is almost an adult. Meghan is trying to instill in Hayley behaviors that she should have already should have been taught… Good luck with that. I think Meghan goes terribly wrong when she compares her relationship with Hayley to the one Hayley had with her biological mother. That’s where she screws up. Meghan obviously loves Hayley but she is new to mothering and has a lot to learn.
Meghan continues to cry about how she’s constantly reminded that she doesn’t have biological children… She’s right – It’s tough not having children – There are reminders everywhere. Meghan says that she wishes that she was their mom… Tamra snottily says, “But you’re not.” Tamra’s solution is for Meghan to have her own child. Just like last season, Tamra’s wanted to have another baby with Eddie because she was sick and tired of sharing the children she already had with her ex-husband. Meghan tells us that Tamra and Vicki don’t understand what it’s like to have all this love for children who biologically aren’t yours. She’s right – they have no clue whatsoever.
Fortunately, this conversation finally ends, and the women take a van for their day’s activities. They arrive at “Moorea Adventure.” James, the owner, tells them they are there for snorkeling, and for feeding the stingrays and some tiny sharks. Tamra thinks the shark will eat one of her boobs… Would that be considered cannibalism? If a shark eats another shark? Hmmm… However, if a shark is inclined to go after a boob of some kind – They’d likely go after ALL of Tamra because she is in fact, a boob, no?
As they go out on a boat that is entirely too small for their liking, the women all start freaking out about the big sharks they see in the water. They start screaming and totally flipping out. When Vicki booked this excursion, she had no idea they would be swimming THAT close to the sharks and stingrays. Vicki decides she’s not going to do it. I’m having a hard time distinguishing the sharks from the sharks… Or maybe the housewives are more like clown fish… No, that’s not right…I love clown fish… hmmmm… Anyhoo… By the way, a couple of times the women refer to sharks as mammals… They’re not – they’re a species of fish.
Shannon decides she’s going to show Vicki she’s not afraid and gets into the water. Vicki finally gets in also, but they both hold onto James for dear life. Lizzie wonders if sharks have ears because if they do – She’s convinced they will be eaten alive because of the way everyone is screaming. Heather wants Shannon to pet the stingray so she can tell her kids about it. Tentatively, Shannon does pet it. She tells us that it feels like slimy leather. I’ve pet a bat ray and it has a fun, spongy, and slickery texture to it. Shannon is glad she can check swimming with sharks and petting stingrays off her “To Do” list. On the way back to shore, somehow Shannon starts massaging stuff onto Tamra and then she starts feeling Tamra’s boobs. She is surprised at how hard and spongy they are (Wait… Are we talking about Tamra’s boobs or are we talking about bat rays…lol?). And because Tamra is always wanting to feel someone’s boobs, she starts feeling Shannon’s boobs.
They are only about 20 minutes away from their hotel – but they’re so hungry that they stop at a small pizza place along the way.
Since Shannon has no intentions of actually eating the pizza, she steps away to call David and see how things are going. She comes back to the table and she is visibly upset. David allowed the girls to have their first sleep over. David said the girls were out toilet papering in the neighborhood at midnight. Evidently, Stella was climbing a fence and might have fractured her foot. Since she is a star on an All-Star basketball team that David coaches, this might be problematic. Their biggest tournament was scheduled for the following weekend. In her blog, Shannon says they were both concerned she wouldn’t be able to play. How about being concerned that your kid had a fractured foot? Sigh.
David said the girls went to bed at 2:00 AM. Wow… Does this mean they had the sleepover at their house? It’s a little unclear… but it would totally make sense. Who would want to have a sleepover with Shannon around? I’m dying laffin’ that David said they went to bed at 2:00 AM. When I used to have sleepovers with the Super Stars, I always called them “Slumberless Parties” – Because you NEVER slept so it was silly to me to call them, “Slumber Parties.” Most of the girls always tried to stay awake as long as possible. It’s kind of a rite of passage.
A guy in a boat, blowing a conch shell, brings the women some dinner. Heather wants to blow the man’s… conch… And she cheekily says, “I don’t think Terry will be upset that I blew another man’s conch.” (It’s kinda funny, because of the way you pronounce “conch.”) Heather puts her lips on the conch and blew – Leaving lipstick marks all around it. Heather said it was harder than you would think… She describes it as, “Salty, but fun…” I’m refraining from making another sexual innuendo… You’re welcome… lol.
Meghan, Heather and Liz go off to dinner to a restaurant off the property. Vicki, Shannon and Tamra just want to stay at the hotel. Vicki is all about whooping it up… lol. I think everyone’s exhausted from the day’s events. And because Meghan can’t help but make age jokes, she explains to her other two companions that Vicki, Shannon, and Tamra are boring and that old people get tired. OMG… Can you imagine Tamra finding out about THAT little comment? Lol… I can hardly wait…
Meghan, Heather, and Liz arrive at the restaurant (which ended up being a very short distance away) and sit on very rustic, wooden benches in their very nice clothes. They are way overdressed, in my opinion…lol.
Meghan talks about how she gets so emotional whenever she talks with the others. She wistfully says they think Meghan’s love is never going to be on par with what they have because she’s not a biological mother. Heather tries to explain to her that she thinks for Tamra, in particular, it’s a big hot button… She explains how Tamra only sees her children 50% of the time. She also tells Meghan how Tamra went through a long, emotional, tough custody battle.
Heather tells Meghan it’s not a battle Meghan is ever going to win. Meghan says she doesn’t WANT to win it. Heather tells her that Tamra is never going to understand where Meghan is coming from but that it doesn’t mean that Meghan’s feelings don’t have value. Heather says in her TH that it has to be devastating to give up your children to some stranger that happens to be in your ex-spouse’s life.
Meghan says that whenever Vicki talks to her about Meghan’s family situation, she doesn’t use the nicest tone. Lizzie tells Meghan that when she first met Vicki, it wasn’t a walk in the park for her, either. Lizzie thinks this is the way Vicki tests people.
Okay, Tamra and Shannon have lost their minds because they’re allowing Vicki to drive the golf cart. Wow. Vicki, because she demonstrates over and over again that she has no sense, drives the golf cart all the way into the open air restaurant. No Vicki, this is NOT a drive thru restaurant and bar. The staff look completely aghast when Vicki parks the golf cart next to some tables. Wow… Just wow…
Vicki and Tamra want to do shots. They do their best to try to explain to the waiter what a fireball (liquor) is… They say, “shot, shot, shot” over and over again as if THAT will make him understand. They are served their drinks in non-shot glasses. They all say, “cheers” and drink the iced straight vodka with a lemon on the side that they were served. They all pucker… but they all down them. They believe they are in a “Whoop It Up” competition with the other 3 ladies. The others just don’t happen to know about it.
They start to talk about Meghan. Vicki says she likes her, but she doesn’t understand why Meghan was crying because she wasn’t the kids’ mother. Vicki said they have mothers. She turns to Tamra and asks her if she could imagine if Simon’s girlfriend cried because she’s not the mother of Sophie? Tamra said that she’d feed her to the sharks… I get her point… But I think they’re missing Meghan’s point…
Vicki asks the others if Heather and Meghan have been friends for a while. Shannon said that it was a new friendship and Tamra supplies the information that the first time Heather met Meghan was at last season’s hoe down. Heather is good friends with Jimmy’s 2nd wife. Shannon thinks it’s the girl code that you don’t hang out with the new wife when you’re good friends with the other wife. Shannon says she will always side with the previous wife because she knows how close she came to being a previous wife.
They continue drinking… Vicki asks Tamra if she’s going to continue to be her friend or if this was a one-time shot thing. As if to prove something, Tamra stands up and leans over the table to kiss Vicki… but instead licks her. Vicki recoils… Tamra kisses Shannon… At least I think she did… I wasn’t paying much attention. She’s just doing this crap to be racy. Puhleeze…
Wow… Is Vicki ever drunk. She couldn’t figure out how to answer her cell phone… lol… It’s the other women and they’re on their way to meet them. Tamra tells Vicki and Shannon to hurry up and get drunk because they’re coming. Tamra spits out some stuff and it’s nasty. You just can’t take these women anywhere, can you?
Once they’re all together, Vicki and Tamra decide they want to go swimming. Not everyone wants to go swimming. As Vicki and Tamra go to the edge of the pool, Shannon helps them in… and when I say “helps” I mean pushes. Tamra complains because she had a really good outfit on. Shannon goes to get more drinks and she serves them poolside. Even though she warns them against it, they pull Shannon and the drinks into the pool. Someone pees in the pool. Nice. <Sigh>
Please see the chart below for this season’s Real Housewives of Orange County’s viewership statistics. A special thanks to Randy at http://bravowhore.com . You’re awesome!
Heather thinks she’s going to drown… There are fire eaters/dancers… And they decide to use their golf cars as bumper cars. Vicki asks Shannon how long the affair went on and Shannon tells her that it started 2 days before she first met Vicki. Vicki tells Shannon that she would be upset if someone came into her husband’s life and wanted to be the mother of Vicki’s kids. She would tell them, “Back off, bitch – You’re not the mother of my kid.”… As they’re standing around, Shannon says that every person in the room can stir up crap… Meghan says, “Like you, Shannon.” Shannon is taken aback. Meghan then randomly says, “Storm” then tells Shannon to, “Just walk out.” Lol.
I appreciate you taking the time to read this blog… I know I ranted a bit… These are hard situations with not a lot of easy answers – but I think we can all learn from each other’s perspectives. Until next week, Happy trails!