Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
“Spinning a Web” – S6E13
“Most people believe almost anything they see in print.”
― E.B. White, Charlotte’s Web
One of the many things that happened tonight is that Kathryn tells the others that she was warned by Erika to not get caught in Lisa Vanderpinky’s web. She conveniently says this when Erika was not around to dispute or defend it. Oh my, Erika is so NOT going to be happy about that.
Just a couple of episodes back I said that I thought Yolanda was a spider as she sat down for lunch with Lisa V and Kyle. You can read about it here… I suppose all of these housewives could be spiders of one type or another – Some are just better at spinning webs than the others… Some housewives are poisonous… And some just have long legs. I think YoYo might be an orb weaver – cuz they spin ginormous, sticky but beautiful webs. You may have your own ideas of what kind of spider each woman is… lol.
In honor of tonight’s episode, I will be sprinkling this blog with a few of my favorite spider-related quotes – Especially from Charlotte’s Web, which is one of my all-time favorite children’s books.
“O, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive!”
― Sir Walter Scott
I Have a Theory… However, it’s Just a Theory…
I think Anwar and Bella both were likely diagnosed at some point as having Lyme disease. However, they are also both aspiring models. The modeling industry is crazily competitive and news of them being sick would very likely kill both of their careers before they even started. I mean, who would take a chance and book a model that may look too sickly or may not even be well enough to show up for the shoot itself? There are thousands of hungry models competing for a contract. And for an almond.
I think a huge web of deceit was spun when YoYo likely issued some sort of a gag order on everyone who knew of their diagnoses. This, of course, would include their dad, Mohamed. No one was to breathe a word of the disease as it related to Anwar and Bella. Therefore, it would be very understandable to me that Mohamed would minimize their illness in front of everyone, including his good friend, Lisa Vanderpinky. I think he likely DID say they were fine to Lisa V – but he was just doing what he was told to do – which was to signal that his kids are perfectly healthy.
However, YoYo screwed it all up last October 2015, when she announced to the world that Anwar and Bella had Lyme disease as she dedicated her “Power of One” Award to them at the inaugural Global Lyme Alliance gala in New York. I guess she must have felt she had nothing to lose at that point, because she knew she had already screwed up when she brought up their illness while shooting this season of RHOBH.
This news was a shock to everyone, including the close family friend, Lisa Vanderpinky.
Fast forward to tonight’s episode that starts out with an awesome charity event hosted by Kyle and Mauricio (And Mauricio’s company) for Habitat for Humanity. I love that charity! Anyhoo… The event is at SoulCycle and everyone is supposed to donate a minimum of $250 in order to participate… In a spin class. The irony of having a charity “spin class” air on an episode that’s entitled, “Spinning a Web” just cracks me up! Perhaps if they were spinning webs and not exercising on bicycles, Lisa Vanderpinky would have stayed longer. She just wanted to write her check and go have some lunch and rosé. I kinda don’t blame her.
They raise over $10,000 for just this one class. That’s pretty awesome. Mauricio announces that he and Kyle are donating $5,000 themselves. I’m not sure why he felt he needed to announce how much he was giving… It seemed wonky to me. Now, if he had done it as part of a challenge kind of thingie, like, “Kyle and I are donating $5,000 and we challenge you to match us!” – Then it would have made more sense. Oh well.
Afterwards, the women (sans Lisa R who is working) gather for lunch. YoYo brings pink flowers and seems to be the only one who knew it was Lisa V’s birthday. What is the saying, “Beware of spiders bringing pink flower bouquets?”
Kathryn boasts about people telling her how good she looks and she says that she always says, “It’s HWB” (Hard Work, Bitch). She then shows off her muscles… And Kathryn has some serious muscles. I would NOT want to piss her off. She also seems crazily competitive.
YoYo says, “You know I have not entertained in the last 11 months, so I would love to throw a little dinner party…” I certainly hope she has placecards with hearts next to each name… YoYo continues, “… at Wally’s so I don’t have the pressure of having to hire people to cook and clean and all that.” Must be nice, no? It’s just got to be EXHAUSTING to hire people to do all of the work. Puhleeze. Sigh.
They start talking about Lisa R and Kyle asks YoYo if she and Lisa R are okay. YoYo looks at her like she’s an alien and says they were fine the week before… Really? Then why in the heck were you screaming at her during Erika’s party last week? Did we just enter the Twilight Zone? Where’s Rod Serling? This of course, confuses Kyle who turns to Lisa V and says in a low voice how she doesn’t think YoYo knows that Lisa R is now aware that YoYo has been saying that Lisa R is bipolar.
Eileen and Kathryn notice the side conversation and insist on being clued in. Kyle tells them they were talking about the conversation with Lisa R that happened after YoYo left the carnival last week. Erika smugly and daintily eats a chip while catching Kyle completely off guard by instantly asking, “About bipolar?”
Erika tells YoYo, “Lisa Rinna says you said she was bipolar.” Yolanda responds, “I never said Lisa Rinna was bipolar. From judging her by her behavior, if you throw a glass of wine at somebody, send somebody a text message saying, ‘I’m gonna come and fu** you up,’ and then put the seed that somebody has Munchausen-whatever disease, I could potentially call her bipolar – but I would never do that because it’s not my place to do so.”
YOU JUST DID… AGAIN! You first said it to Eileen, who alerted Lisa R to it originally… and now you’re saying it again. You’re such a big, fat, hypocrite, YoYo. You’re mad at Lisa R yet you’re doing the exact same thing! Can someone PUHLEEZE hand YoYo a clue because clearly, she cannot find one herself.
Then YoYo goes off on Kyle because she and Lisa R had worked it all out, but here Kyle is bringing it up again. But Kyle DIDN’T bring it up again – She was talking to Lisa V. Even when she was questioned about it – she didn’t bring it up… it was Erika who chimed in. Seriously, if I couldn’t hit re-wind, I would be starting to question myself… lol.
After accusing Kyle of bringing crap up, YoYo condescendingly interjects… “It’s fine, it’s fine… Just relax… Have a glass of wine.” Okay, now dems fightin’ words… lol. Argh!
Kyle tells YoYo to, “Give me a fu**ing break.” This quote may actually replace the classic, “You’re such a fu**ing liar, Camille.” YoYo has a big, fat smug look on her face as the spider catches her prey. Have I mentioned that I hate spiders?
YoYo says, “I get what you’re saying, Kyle – I’m just asking you to drop it.” Then YoYo threatens, “I hold a lot in the vault, honey.” Wow… Just wow. Kyle asks what she means and if she’s threating her. The spider soothingly and patronizingly says, “No, not at all. Not at all.” Nobody believes spiders, do they?
Lisa V then starts to talk about how Lisa R has residual feelings about the “bipolar” and YoYo says she has mixed feelings about “Munchausen” (it’s amazing she pronounced it perfectly that time – she musta forgot to purposefully mispronounce it, poor thang…)… and YoYo continues, “And your sh** about my children – but I don’t bring it up.” Ummm… Once again… YOU JUST DID!
Lisa V gets all defensive that she’s never talked sh** about YoYo’s children and she never will. She’s even defended YoYo’s children. This is another time when Kyle could have copped to being the one who was asking the questions about YoYo’s children in the first place, but she doesn’t. After restating that she would never say anything negative about YoYo’s children, Lisa decides she’s had enough and she leaves. Who could blame her?
“If I can fool a bug… I can surely fool a man. People are not as smart as bugs.”
― E.B. White, Charlotte’s Web
Almost a Friendship Summit
The 2 new girls decide to meet to have lunch and then have a boxing session with 2 hunky personal trainers. Kathryn tells Erika that she wants to get to know her and learn more about her. Erika wants to know why – and Kathryn tells her that she wants to be her friend. Erika tells us that she doesn’t really have many girlfriends and has never had a group of female friends. Erika blames it on some middle school mean girls who hurt her sensitive, artistic feelings. Gosh, that’s so surprising that 7th grade girls were mean. I’m sure NO ONE else has ever experienced that except for, oh, like, everybody. She also blames it on women being jealous of her and her looks.
The closest female friend that Erika ever had was her now diseased grandmother who fought a long battle with Alzheimer’s. Oh wow, that’ so sweet how much she loved her grandmother. She really misses her and visibly gets upset as she talks about her while simultaneously wiping tears from her eyes and saying that death is part of life.
Kathryn assures Erika, “I will be your first genuine woman friend.” Erika asks Kathryn what she thinks about Lisa V and Kathryn says she thinks she’s sweet… and Erika almost falls on the ground laughing. Yes, Erika has been fed an earful about Lisa V long before she ever met her.
Erika then says that she does think that Lisa V IS sweet… and says, “But she’s smart. I think she engages from the side – I think she’s a sniper from the side. I think she doesn’t want to leave any fingerprints… That’s what I think.” Okay… hold that thought. Erika also tells us in her TH that she thinks Lisa V crafts situations to her advantage. She tells Kathryn that Lisa V will not be blunt because it doesn’t serve her later. Erika then says that Lisa V is, “selectively honest.” I think Erika might be a tad cranky that her darling husband flirted with Lisa V a little too much.
“Do you understand how there could be any writing in a spider’s web?”
“Oh, no,” said Dr. Dorian. “I don’t understand it. But for that matter I don’t understand how a spider learned to spin a web in the first place. When the words appeared, everyone said they were a miracle. But nobody pointed out that the web itself is a miracle.”
“What’s miraculous about a spider’s web?” said Mrs. Arable. “I don’t see why you say a web is a miracle-it’s just a web.”
“Ever try to spin one?” asked Dr. Dorian.”
― E.B. White, Charlotte’s Web
The Email Heard Round the World
Lisa R goes to Kyle’s house to talk about an email that YoYo sent to Kyle with cc’s to all of the other women. Lisa R says her head is “spinning.” I laugh at yet another #WebNotAWeb subtle reference. Kyle fills in Lisa R about what happened at lunch… and then Bravo treats us to hearing the contents of the email by each housewife reading a part of it in their talking head interviews (TH).
Well, except it wasn’t the ENTIRE email. YoYo has posted the entire contents on a blog she wrote for what looks like to be a new blogsite for her. As of this writing, Bravo has NOT posted YoYo’s blog on their website.
Yolanda’s blog: https://yolandasblog613.wordpress.com/2016/02/24/episode-613/
I will let Namaste do her thing with YoYo’s blog… and in case they make her take it down and edit it… I have the entire thing already copied. Lol.
The Whine Bar
Yesterday was Lisa V’s birthday so she’s treating herself by having a spot of tea while leisurely floating on a ginormous flamingo in the middle of her pool. Life is tough at Villa Rosa. Lisa V has also just created a whine bar that’s located at a lower level of her property. Bethenny had one at her house in the Hamptons and Lisa thought it was a GREAT idea. Eileen arrives and after Lisa successfully extricates herself from her flamingo, they go down to the whine bar… Kathryn and Kyle join them there. The entire groups moves to the canopied table where they will enjoy their meal.
Lisa asks Ken to call the ponies over because the women really want to see them. So do I. The women tease Lisa V about her menagerie of animals… So the women start naming other outlandish animals that Ken could also call over that might be part of the Vanderpump Zoo… They mention a giraffe… a zebra, and a llama. Little did they know there is actual footage of Lisa V walking a real llama thru Kyle’s house during a previous season… That scene was hilarious.
As Lisa goes off to get the food, Kyle tells the others that she thought it was inappropriate for Yolanda to include everyone on that email. Eileen defends YoYo by saying that she thinks it was YoYo’s way to organize her thoughts. Kyle thinks that for someone who says they’re so foggy-headed that it was a pretty clear email. Kyle makes a great point.
Eileen says she thinks that YoYo feels attacked a lot. Lisa V jumped right in and asked how she thinks she felt when YoYo started saying all of that crap about Lisa badmouthing her children. Lisa felt that she had to defend herself. Kyle confirms that Lisa NEVER spoke against YoYo’s children. They had to peel Lisa V off oif the ground after Kyle defended her. Kyle tells her that it’s the truth. Well, Kyle would know… After all, she’s the one who asked the question about YoYo’s kids in the first place.
“He was sad because his new friend was so bloodthirsty.”
― E.B. White, Charlotte’s Web
Kathryn tells the women she had lunch with Erika and then they worked out together. They asked if Erika opened up to her. Kathryn said that she did… But then snottily said, “She actually shed… 6 tears.” Wow… Such a nice thing to say about your new bestie. Bravo did some nice editing here… Because after they come back from a commercial, Kathryn says of Erika, “She spoke of her grandmother – which is her soft spot. I mean, like she had tears come down… and didn’t really have expression, but she sucked it right back up.” Kyle asks about Erika’s take on what happened the other day.
Kathryn says, “She said, basically, like, in so many words, that, you know, just to be like, aware of you.” “Of who?” asks Kyle. Kathryn clarifies, “Vanderpump!” Kathryn continues and says, “Don’t let her steer you, and don’t get caught in her web.” Kathryn says those aren’t the exact words she used, but she definitely felt like Erika was telling Kathryn to watch her back. If only someone had told Erika to watch hers cuz her new bestie could NOT wait to throw her solidly under the bus. Oh, and remember that thought I asked you to hold… Yeah… That’s not what Erika was saying at all… At least from the part we’ve seen.
Then Kathryn, after realizing this is all on camera and will be eventually seen by Erika, says that she feels like she’s ratting out Erika but rationalizes it all by saying it’s not something she wouldn’t say to everybody. On one hand, I think it was pretty bad that after Erika said that she didn’t trust women that Kathryn goes out and immediately gives Erika further reason not to trust women. On the other hand, Erika is the one who ratted out a dinner conversation to YoYo. It goes both ways, right?
Everyone is confused at why Erika would say that. Since Eileen seems to think everything is all about her, she says that she thinks this has to do with what happened in the Hamptons. Right. Cuz it’s not like YoYo (and possibly others) haven’t been filling Erika’s mind with preconceived notions before she even gives Lisa V a chance. Eileen thinks it’s because Eileen never thought Lisa V’s apology was sincere (possibly because she laffed in the middle of it)… Eileen says she thinks Lisa V felt on the spot about it instead of understanding where she was coming from and maybe she picked up on that. Of COURSE Lisa felt on the spot – because you PUT her there. Geesh.
Lisa V effectively dismisses Eileen with a, “that wasn’t a big deal” and she follows it up with some balderdash about the ponies wandering around the property.
Exasperatedly, Lisa V said she thought they had already talked about it. Eileen says that on some level they had – but that it felt to her like Lisa never really understood where Eileen was coming from. Lisa said she apologized for using clumsy words – and Eileen instantly corrected her by saying that Lisa apologized for asking too many questions.
Lisa V cops to having a problem with minimizing things. Eileen agrees. Eileen tells Lisa V that she felt dismissed by Lisa V and that we’re glossing over things that are really important just to carry on… But things haven’t really been resolved.
Kathryn and Kyle are staying really, really quiet.
“It is quite possible that an animal has spoken to me and that I didn’t catch the remark because I wasn’t paying attention.”
― E.B. White, Charlotte’s Web
Lisa V distractedly says, “The ponies have just run out by the pool.” I die laffing. Lisa V says she needs to work on that… She searches for the right words… “Whatever I need to work on…”… lol. Eileen gets cranky cuz she feels like Lisa never actually looks her in the eye and talks to her about stuff. Lisa’s tired because this is the 4th time she’s talked about it. Eileen’s also right – Lisa barely puts the effort into looking at her. But I think Lisa is tired of Eileen. So am I.
Eileen tells Lisa she’s aware that even though Eileen just wants to talk to Lisa that Lisa thinks Eileen is attacking her. Lisa agrees. Eileen tells Lisa that she can’t express herself to her.
Lisa asks her, “What can I do?” Eileen chirps, “Nothing.” She tells her that she’s just talking it out and telling Lisa V how she was feeling.
As a side note… After tonight’s scene with Eileen confronting Lisa V for the 8, 948th time about asking her too many questions about the affair with Vince… My darling husband, I kid you not, said they should get rid of Eileen and either bring back a previous housewife (He mentioned Camille or Tayler) or make someone else a housewife… He suggested Bravo make someone like… like… Oh, I can’t even bear to say it…
He actually thought they should make someone like FAYE RESNICK a housewife! Ack! I held up the flat of my hand signaling him to JUST stop… But of course, that only spurred him on all the more… and we both started to laff so hard… As he was trying to explain his perspective, I laffingly told him to STFU… Which, I NEVER would do and actually mean it… but we were laffing so hard and I desperately tried to stay in a housewife’s character… lol. He’s just lucky he didn’t get cranberry juice thrown at him… Just sayin’… lol.
Lisa V tries to cover all of her bases by saying, “I’m truly sorry for saying the wrong thing, asking – asking too many questions, or saying the wrong thing at the wrong time…or – or – for saying anything at all.” Eileen says that it’s okay and that everything is alright… Ummm… No it’s not. You wouldn’t have gone into detail again like this if it was.
Eileen says, “We’re good.”
Lisa V responds, “Are we? Or are you going to bring it up again?” Eileen repeats again, in her stern, flat, don’t mess with me voice, “We’re good.” Lisa points at her and says, “How good? Cuz I need to be really fu**ing good to move on.” They continue on but I grow tired.
Other Things I Learned this Episode
- Lisa R appeared on Jenny McCarthy’s radio show, Dirty, Sexy, Funny, on Sirius.XM. She actually divulged she has tried a strap on. No seriously, she said she and Harry tried one once. Clearly, we could have all lived happily without knowing that… right?
- Lisa V has a new adorable puppy named, “Schnookie” – Schnookie’s coat happens to perfectly match Ken’s hair. Hilarious… or should I say, “Hairlarious.”
- There is nothing as perfect in the entire world as Lisa Vanderpinky floating in her pool on a ginormous inflatable hot pink flamingo while sipping a spot of tea. Don’t get your shoes wet!
- Lisa V calls Brandi (from last season) – “The Town Drunk.” I’m glad Bravo provided the footage as an explanation… Cuz on this show, it would be hard to know which “drunk” she was actually talking about, no?
“I’d rather do 4-5 minutes and then I’ll write a check – 45 minutes is not gonna happen…. Haven’t done 45 minutes straddling anything… Well, not since 1984.” Lisa V when she finds out she’s expected to stay on the bicycle for 45 minutes for Kyle’s charity event.
“You know I haven’t been in the gym for 3 years.” YoYo gives us yet another benchmark to her Lyme disease process to go along with the others about not having gone on a walk, being bed-ridden, and not reading books. I grow tired of keeping up with them all.
“There are cool girls everywhere… And there are bit**es everywhere… You know, you just have to weed through and find out.” Erika says in her TH because she’s not quite sure about Kathryn intentions. Her hesitation seems warranted to me.
“I thought she was smarter than that.” Eileen of Kathryn after she ratted out what Erika said behind Lisa V’s back.
“How good? Cuz I need to be really fu**ing good to move on.” Lisa V says to Eileen after yet another confrontation about asking questions about her and Vince’s adulterous courtship.
“You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what’s a life, anyway? We’re born, we live a little while, we die. A spider’s life can’t help being something of a mess, with all this trapping and eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Heaven knows anyone’s life can stand a little of that.”
― E.B. White, Charlotte’s Web
Well, there really weren’t any previews for next week… Instead, they showed previews for the rest of the season. I’m not sure if that means that next week is going to be especially boring – or if they aren’t sure they’re airing a show next week. It was all very wonky.
That’s it you guys… Hope you enjoyed the web… It’s amazing we’re still talking about the same old stuff. Thanks so much for reading…
[Photo credit: Photos have been obtained from pictures and videos accessible at http://www.bravotv.com/, or from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ Facebook page… Credit for original concept of “I Kid You Not” belongs to Penn & Teller]