I’ve always loved getting dressed up in costume for Halloween. But I rarely went for the “pretty” costumes – I generally liked to completely whack out my face somehow.
I have two all-time favorite costumes. One was when I dressed up as a person who had put their finger in a light socket and had gotten electrocuted. The first thing I did the night before I was going to wear the costume – Is to braid my hair into tiny braids all over my head while my hair was still wet. The next morning when I brushed my hair out it – It poofed out like a clown. My hair curls very easily.
Then I took really strong hair products and made my hair stick up straight out all over my head. I took black makeup and made streaks of black explosion marks on my face. I also put black makeup on some of the ends of my hair. I used white grease paint to “singe” my eyebrows and the very tips of my hair. I used black nail polish and streaked my arms, fingers, and legs. I didn’t use black makeup for that because I knew it would come off quite easily. I used black wax to blackout some of my teeth. I ripped up some clothes on the seams to make them look torn.
I have found over the years that a good costume is all about the HOW you wear it and less about the costume itself. All day I walked around very slowly with an electric extension cord hanging around my neck (think zombie) and my eyes remained overly wide open. I wouldn’t turn my head but instead I slowly turned my whole body whenever necessary.
I had people completely go berserk and not even want to be near me… lol. My good friend said, “I know that’s you somewhere in there – but you’re freakin’ me out right now – Get away from me!” lol… Mission accomplished!
Did I mention how fun it was to drive around while wearing this costume… come to a stoplight… look directly into the eyes of the person in the car next to me and smile my missing toothed smile? Completely fun!
The other costume was when I dressed up as the Cookie Monster. I hairsprayed my hair and some wig hair blue and attached the wig hair to my face and chest with spirit gum. The goal was to not be able to determine where my real hair and the wig hair started and stopped.
I painted some big eyes and a mouth onto my face with grease paint. I wore blue clothes. I bought a whole bunch of pink and white circus animal cookies… and whenever I walked into a room I would yell, “COOKIE!” using my best Cookie Monster voice. Then I would dip my hand into my vat of cookies and randomly throw them around the room… lol… I know, silly me.
When I wore THIS particular costume to my 2nd Halloween party of the insurance company I worked for at the time – my boss remarked to my coworker how he was somewhat disappointed in my costume that year (The previous year I wore the electrocuted person costume and won a major prize for it). She was shocked at why he was so disappointed in this year’s costume.
He said, “Well, I think she kind of took the easy way out by wearing a mask.” She said, “Oh, that’s NO mask.” He countered, “It is, too!” They argued back and forth about it. They came over to where I was sitting and he reached out and physically tugged at some of the hair on my face and gasped…lol! Yeah, I won that year, too. Lol.
The picture above is of me as the Cookie Monster. I don’t have one of me as an electrocuted person (Dagnabit!) I know it’s pretty grainy and it was taken at the end of the day – but you get the gist of the overall look…lol.
In the spirit of today, I started thinking about what Halloween candy would be appropriate for some of the real housewives. Here’s what I came up with – I’m sure you’ll come up with some funny ideas yourself… Enjoy!
Oh, btw… I purposefully left a certain someone off of the list ‘cuz I knew the omission would make her go batcrapcrazy. I’m sure you’ll easily figure it out… lol.
100 GRAND Bar – Sonja Morgan
She really could use some of that money right about now, no? I could have also gone with “Chiclits Gum” because she’s always losing one of her teeth… Do you remember putting a couple of those pieces of square gum in front of your front teeth as fangs?… I do…lol…
5th Avenue – NeNe Leakes
I just get the feeling that this New Jersey girl thinks her name should be permanently outlined in bright lights somewhere on Broadway in New York City. I’ve got to hand it to her – She’s landed some great gigs despite her often obnoxious personality (and lack of acting talent…lol).
Airheads – Gretchen Rossi
Okay, this was truly a no-brainer in EVERY sense of the word for obvious reasons.
Atomic Fireball – Tamra Judge
There were just so many ways I could have gone with this. She yells and screams at the drop of the hat. Plus, she recently farted on her husband when she sat on his lap on camera.
Baby Ruth – Meghan King Edmonds
Of course I had to use the “baby” named candy for her since she’s pregnant. I really hesitated about this one ‘cuz I really like Baby Ruth bars and I don’t particularly like her as much… but it was just too perfect that I hadta go with it (Plus, there’s always the obvious baseball reference to her husband who acts like a baby).
Bananarama – Dorinda Medley
I really like Dorinda but I think she’s generally bananas. Seriously bananas… Perhaps even a whole bunch of bananas.
Bar None – Cynthia Bailey
Her husband, Peter, used to spend a LOT of his time at his bar named, “Bar One.” I also think he allegedly got “thirsty” a lot and wandered off to a younger “bar”…. Cynthia deserves better. Glad it looks like she thinks so, too!
Big Hunk – Kyle Richards
Whether you like her or you don’t – She sleeps with a big hunk. Period. You know, if you like the used salesman kinda guy. No offense to used car sales personnel.
Blow Pops – Brandi Glanville
I know this could be interpreted in 2 different ways – but I don’t mean anything having to do with drugs. It’s more about what she does whilst she’s on her knees. Yeah, not even using a prim and proper “whilst” can class this one up… lol.
Brittle – Kim Richards
Pick any kind of brittle – Peanut, cashew, almond, sesame seed (Well, really ANY kind of nut because she IS nuts) – but she’s also very, very fragile. Poor thang. I’m consciously ignoring the fact that she’s coming back in some capacity this season. Ugh! I hope she got the help she needed…
Butterfinger – Teresa Giudice
Whatever you do – Don’t call her a “criminal.” However, there’s rumor that she recently spent time in “camp” for taking lots of money that didn’t belong to her or that she wasn’t entitled to have…. Hence… Butterfingers!
Candy Cigarettes – Camille Grammer
I couldn’t resist this one – ‘Cuz of the dinner from hell at Camille’s with Allison DuBois dramatically puffing at her electronic cigarette pretending to be a psychic while they sat around the dinner table.
Circus Peanuts – Danielle Staub
It seems that wherever Danielle goes… a circus follows… Plus, she’s shown that she’ll do just about anything for peanuts.
Dum Dum Pops – Porsha Williams
There are SO many reasons for this… but the biggest was when she revealed that she thought the “underground railroad” was a physical train that ran underground. This is coming from someone who grew up in the south whose pedigree includes very famous and influential civil rights leaders. Collectively, they rolled over in their graves over that particular piece of stupidity.
Gobstoppers – Lisa Vanderpump
I was really trying to find a purely “pink” candy… but pink cotton candy just didn’t really fit Lisa’s personality. So, I went with “Gobstoppers” ‘cuz she always uses the word “gobsmacked”… lol. I LOVE the word “gobsmacked.”
Goobers – Shannon Beador
She is married to a real gooberhead – and not the good kinda gooberhead. Plus, “goober peas” are peanuts and I think Shannon is nuts – but at least she has a nice chocolate candy coating.
Good & Plenty – Heather Thomson
I think Heather wants us ALL to eat “good” and to eat “plenty” so we’ll haft buy her girdle-esque products. I’d share a link to her website but this is not infomercial.
Jelly Beans – Kelly Bensimon
Who could forget “Scary Island” and Kelly’s obsession with jelly beans? I could have also matched her with those netted bags of gold foiled chocolate coins and refer to them as “Satchels of Gold.” Regardless… She’s wackadoo in every sense of the word, no? lol…
JuJu Bes – Jules Weinstein
I think this is actually one of her nicknames. I hate how public her divorce is going to be because of the adverse effect on the kids. Let’s hope her crappy cheating ex-husband does the right thing for the first time in his life.
Kit-Kat – Erika Girardi
How obvious was THIS choice for Miss “Pat the Puss.” Meow!
Kranky – Stars99
It’s pretty presumptuous to include myself in this list… but I love to use the word “cranky” to describe my demeanor whenever warranted – Which is basically ALL of the time…lol… Especially when I’m writing about the behaviors of the “real housewives.”
Laffy Taffy – Lisa Rinna
Even after this last season of yuck when her likability sunk a bazillion points… Lisa just makes me laff for some reason. I dunno what it is… And she’s like taffy ‘cuz she just goes on and on and on and on…lol.
Lemonheads – Yolanda Foster
People IRL even call YoYo a “lemonhead” – So again, this was a no-brainer. I miss her lemon orchard.
M&Ms – Adrienne Maloof
I love this candy and their whole, “Melt in your mouth – Not in your hands” philosophy. But how many of us have had a handful of M&Ms leave a colorful residue when we’ve held them in our hands for a little too long? It’s kinda like how Adrienne and her spray tan leaves a stain everywhere she goes, no?
Mallobar – Carole Radziwill
Carole hates it when people harsh her “mellow” or her “marshmallow.”
Mike and Ike – Ramona Singer
I think Ramona would LOVE to date Mike or Ike – And every other guy with a pulse for that matter.
Nerds – Alex McCord
I think that initially Alex was more than a tad bit pretentious but I really liked her when she was ousted from the show. However, her whole “look how smart my kids are” quickly grew old. I wish she related better to the cast and to the viewers. She permanently cast her kids as “nerds” because of the way they insist their name be pronounced. Puhleeze… lol.
Now and Later – Dina Manzo
I really can’t take much of Dina at one time – Perhaps a little now… and perhaps a little later.
NutRageous – Aviva Drescher
Talk about being truly nutty… When she staged the dramatic throwing of her prosthetic leg on the cocktail table – She sealed the deal for me. She’s a complete “NutRageous” wackadoodle.
Oh Henry – Kenya Moore
Kenya has had so many pretend boyfriends I can’t even keep them all straight – She is still frantically looking for her “Henry.” Her onscreen behavior can’t be helping with that, right?
Pay Day – Bethenny Frankel
I would have considered giving her the “100 Grand” bar – but Bethenny made oh, so much more than that when she hit her BIG “pay day,” right?
Pixie Stix – Lydia McLaughlin
I truly miss her and her Mom on the Real Housewives of Orange County. I imagine them both dressed as fairies on Halloween and sprinkling pixie dust everywhere they go… lol.
Pop Rocks – Kandi Burruss
Not only is she an accomplished “pop” singer who really rocks – but also I can’t help but think she has several interesting NSFW uses for “pop rocks.”
Raisinets – Alexis Bellino
No matter how you look at it – she’s married to nothing but a dried up grape.
Red Vines – Caroline Manzo
Not only is the color appropriate – but she is clinging to her kids like that creeper vine in your garden that you can’t get rid of.
Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup – Jeana Keough
I really like Jeana and I really like the candy – I just can’t get enough of her. Come back!
Ring Pops – Luann de Lesseps
If I see Luann’s engagement ring once more time – I’m gonna pop! She IS right, you know… money can’t buy you class and she’s the perfect example of it.
Skittles – Dolores Catania
She really does remind me of Skittles… You like her – but she’s just all over the place. One moment she’s Jacqueline’s worst enemy… and the next – They’re besties. One minute she’s boasting about being an independent woman… and the next – She’s gladly taking money from her ex-husband for seemingly frivolous things. She IS “Skittles” personified.
Smarties – Heather Dubrow
I think Her Royal Heatherness would like to think that she’s the smartest one in the room – but she’s really just a very small tart piece of candy that makes your entire face pucker whenever she’s around. I could have used this one for Bethenny ‘cuz she thinks she “knows it all.”
Snickers – Siggy Flicker
She should get this one just for her name…lol… Love her or not – She’s the housewife that has made me laff the most in recent weeks. It cracks me up that she thinks she some sort of a relationship guru or something… but I still really do like her. I think she means well and has a kind heart… Which means she won’t last on the Real Housewives of New Jersey for very long… lol…
Squirrel Nut Zippers – Jacqueline Laurita
I think I have actually written that Jacqueline is “nuttier than squirrel poop.” This candy is as close as I could come to that… lol.
Sugar Daddy – Kim Zolciak-Biermann
It was clear from the beginning that Kim was looking for a “Sugar Daddy.” This season, Kroy lost his job as a professional football player. Let’s see if they continue to casually fritter away $25,000 in cash in just a couple of hours on a slot machine like they did last week’s episode.
Toxic Waste – Kelly Dodd
I know what you’re thinking… Why yes, YES there IS such a thing as a candy called “toxic waste.” Everywhere Kelly goes she just spews forth a whole lotta crap. I just cannot think of a more appropriate candy for her, right?
Warheads – Shereè Whitfield
She always seems to be in a fight with someone… It could be with her ex-husband, a neighbor, a blogger, a castmate, or the greeter at Walmart. It is hard for me to remember a time when she looked genuinely happy. Did she ever get that monstrosity of a house finished?
Wax Lips – Taylor Armstrong
There is no candy named, “Duck Lips” so this is as close as I could come… lol. Actually, her lips are bigger than wax lips. Choose your plastic surgeon carefully, boys and girls!
Whatchamacallit – Cindy Barshop, Kristen Taekman, DeShawn Snow, Quinn Fry, and Tammy Knickerbocker
This candy is for all of those housewives whose names we’ve almost forgotten. Almost…
Whoppers – Vicki Gunvalson
Vicki is a lying liar who lies and tells the BIGGEST whoppers in all the land.
Wonka Triple Dazzle Caramel Bar – Melissa Gorga
I think Melissa likes to think that she’s a sparkly star but I’m really hit or miss with her. But no one can disagree that she does dazzle” her Neanderthal of a husband… but he’s STILL just a caveman.
Zagnut – Phaedra Parks
First of all, I think Phaedra is as nutty as they come. I, however, do hafta take my hat off to her that she seems to have somehow zigged and “zagged” out of being prosecuted in connection to her husband’s crimes. I think she’s very lucky. I think she’s also very sneaky. Allegedly…
Thanks so much for reading… So… have you come up with your own ideas? Of course I didn’t cover all of the housewives – but these are the ones that sprang easily to mind.
Hope you have a GREAT day… And remember to always go for the chocolate! Lol…
PS: I finished this post earlier but have been unable to post for hours because the hosting site was having systemwide problems… I think there were ghosts involved… Fortunately, they got them fixed in time to celebrate Halloween… lol
Video of the Day
In honor of Halloween, this video is kinda my nightmare when I walk over gaps of planks on an elevated patio or as I walk up certain kinds of stairs. I always think a hand of some sort is gonna reach out and grab me… I blame a certain haunted house I visited in my youth for this phobia… lol…
This YouTube video was posted by Video Library entitled, “Gimme Paws.”