Real Housewives of Orange County
“Shamrocks and Shockwaves” – S11/E15
AKA: “They’re All Full of Blarney, No?”
Why oh why are they allowing the Real Housewives of Orange County into Ireland? Didn’t St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland once already?
Seriously… What did Ireland do to deserve a visit from the “real housewives?”
I honestly get twitchy when the real housewives take a trip somewhere ‘cuz I know they’re just gonna act like “those Americans” and embarrass the heck outta our country. There is so much to love about Ireland – it’s one of the places I’d love to visit in my lifetime – I just hope the housewives don’t screw it up for me, dagnabit.
We’re pretending this trip is all about Meghan’s quest to explore her Irish genealogy. I’s sure being pregnant especially brings out that desire to know where you’ve come from… As an adopted kid, finding my biological ancestral heritage has really never been possible – so it’s just not that important to me. I’m a Heinz 57 mutt – a little of this… a little of that… I could be related to just about anyone… Hey, are YOU my long lost cousin and have you won the lottery recently? #AskingForAFriend
But anyway, here we are… in Dublin, Ireland – and my face is contorted into a semi-permanent horrified grimace in complete disgust as I watched this week’s episode through cringing fingers held against my embarrassed face.
Americans can act like such idiots at times. <Sigh>
So many wackadoo things happened during this episode… It’s a little tricky for me to process through it all… But I’ll try… But first… let’s see some of Bravo’s Ireland establishing shots they included in this episode:
My Spanish teacher in high school would always say, “En Boca Cerrada No Entran Moscas” (Flies don’t enter a closed mouth). Kelly’s mouth inexplicably seems to be open ALL the danged time… I wish she would do what her name twin in RHONYC suggested and just “zip it”… I wonder how many millions of flies have taken up permanent residence in Kelly’s mouth… I worry if there is room for everyone ‘cuz her foot is also permanently lodged in there, too.
Evidently, Kelly thinks she’s a comedian.
You’d think with one of her names being so obviously Irish – that she would have had some decorum in her homeland, but no.
After setting foot in Ireland only 2.5 seconds earlier, Kelly asks the guy meeting them at the airport from the Powerscourt Hotel how to say, “Top o’ the morning.” Ummm… that would be, “Top o’ the morning,” you gooberhead… It’s not like they’re speaking a different language… It’s called an “accent.” Sadly, it seems like the guy is used to such foolishness from Americans.
As they’re checking in, Vicki receives flowers with a card that says, “Have a nice trip – I love you, Steve.” The women flip out that he uses the “L” word. Vicki, in her talking head (TH) muses, “I think he could love me… I think he might love me… Why wouldn’t he love me? I’m a good catch!” Vicki… Would you like the reasons in alphabetical or chronological order?
As Meghan and Kelly are being shown to their room, Kelly seems like she’s unable to comprehend anything the poor guy’s saying and he politely explains it’s because of his accent. Things like “first floor” and “spa” just throw her off.
Kelly tries to be funny and makes a comment about “Lucky Charms” and I run screaming down the street in wretched horror. I swear, if she asks him to say “They’re magically delicious” I’m gonna lose my freakin’ mind.
Clearly, I need to change my nationality… or at least my cereal of choice.
Things That Annoyed Me
- When Kelly says stuff like, “Let’s make like a jelly and roll.” I’m sure it’s because I don’t particularly like her behavior at the moment ‘cuz I’m sure I would think it was cute if it was coming out of one of the other housewives’ mouths… Well, actually, come to think of it, there’s not a single other RHOC housewife who could say it and get away with it… Except maybe Her Royal Heatherness if she said it to her kids or something. However, I’m sure I’ve said it in my past and thought I was freakin’ hi.lar.i.ous… or at least a little amusing.
- Shannon thinks that because she’s Irish that she had to be “over the top” on everything… Including wearing a sparkly green sequined shirt. However, it’s the way she verbally overly-accented every single thing she said in an uncomfortably loud voice that really annoyed the heck outta me. It just strikes me that she seems to be trying way too hard. Not even the “Irish Accent Spray” that Heather brought helped Shannon.
Everyone was having a mahvelous time on a “pub crawl” through the streets of Dublin. Throughout the “crawl” Vicki was busy whooping it up as she gyrated her body against every innocent Irishman and his nice Irish brogue. Meghan was off getting in touch with her Irish roots by meeting with a genealogist who might have been filled with a wee bit ‘o blarney, me thinks.
Tamra, you know, the one who was officially “off” of drinking a few weeks ago because the date of her muscle building competition was drawing near… Except that it seems each week we see her go off the wagon in a big way… This time, it’s with Vicki’s direct help. Yep that Tamra seems oh, so serious about her competition preparation… However, I will say she IS looking great… but come the heck on…
I’d love to make a play on words by calling her “Tamra Blarney” cuz her name during her previous marriage was “Tamra Barney” – but that’s a tad too on the nose, no?
Kelly’s A Comedienne
I wanna know who told Kelly that she was funny? Kelly seems to be very convinced that she’s way funnier than everyone else in the world.
I don’t remember Kelly trying so hard to be funny ever before – has she always been that way? She does that annoying, “You’ve got a spot on your shirt” thingie… and then as you look down she takes her fingertip and flicks you up the face… You know, that silly joke your annoying little brother used to do to you when you were a kid?
Stop it, Kelly… Some of those remodeled plastic surgery noses might not be able to take such flicking. Plus, is it really fair to do that as an adult when your fingernails are manicured to a nail polished sharpened point? I mean, you could poke someone’s eye out, no? Or at least it could screw up their makeup…
But since Kelly doesn’t seem to have the brains God gave a leprechaun, she doesn’t understand when she’s taken the joke too far. She keeps nose flicking people and they’re just getting pissed off at her. Vicki runs over to Tamra to get away from the serial nose flicker and tells her she’s over the joke. I will say that if Kelly did that to me more than once, she would likely not have unbroken fingers anymore. Touch my face with your fingers like that… and it’s kinda open season, no?
Tamra commiserates with Vicki and says in a soft voice to Vicki that Kelly’s “a dic*.” Whoa…
As Tamra leaves to go to the “little leprechaun’s room” she chastises Kelly by saying, “Don’t do that.” Kelly calls out to her across the restaurant for her to “keep walking.”
Now, I dunno if it’s ‘cuz Tamra’s bulging biceps have emboldened her to be especially looking for a fight or maybe it’s the steroids hidden in her shamrock shake – but Tamra is having none of this. She says, “What?” Then Tamra does an immediate “about face” and marches right back over to Kelly.
“Are you talking to me?” Tamra asks as she channels Robert De Niro. Kelly says yes and then mocks Tamra’s earlier words, “Don’t do that!”
Tamra tries to explain to Kelly how she crosses over the line with her jokes because she takes them from being funny to being rude…Wait… when were they EVER funny?
Kelly defends herself and says this was all just a joke – that she was just kidding with Vicki. Tamra explains that Vicki doesn’t like it…
Where is Vicki at this point? Oh… she since fled the scene and went to the bathroom located in Switzerland… lol. Upon her return, they do a recap for Vicki who reiterates to Kelly that she doesn’t like the nose flicking. It’s all just a joke to Kelly and she thinks they need to get over themselves.
In the worst apology ever, Kelly says that she’s sorry they’re so sensitive and that she won’t do it again.
Kelly seems especially surprised by Her Royal Heatherness, because Kelly tells her that usually people of Jewish descent are sarcastic, they’re funny, and they get jokes… No seriously, she actually said that.
Her Royal Heatherness in all her comedic Jewishness didn’t find that comment particularly amusing… Nor did I. She says, “So meaning even though I’m of Jewish decent, I’m not funny or get jokes?” No Heather… Can’t you see that Kelly IS the joke. Are we laffing yet?
Kelly says stuff about how she thinks “they” are funny… yadda, yadda, yadda…
I’m not sure exactly what she said next, ‘cuz my jaw dropped at these last statements but I think Heather called out Kelly on being racist and then Kelly says something about NOT being racist ‘cuz she’s “Mexican”… Wow… just wow.
Heather puts on her coat to leave – Clearly, they’ve had too many shots at this point.
Tamra continues to try to explain things to Kelly but Kelly misinterprets it and doesn’t understand why Tamra has such animosity against her… Then, for some inexplicable reason, Kelly accuses Tamra of spreading information that she told Tamra to the others in the group.
Ummm… hello… this IS Tamra we’re talking about, right? Tattletaling is actually written in her Bravo contract, Article VII, Section C.7(g): “Carrier Pidgeon Clause:”
The Real Housewife named in this contract, shall, in every case possible, take whatever she hears from one (or more) real housewife(ves) and quickly relay said information to another real housewife(ves) as she deems advantageous for the immediate furtherance of the storyline in whole or in part, or as “production” directs to ensure the furtherance of creatively-aided drama on said reality TV show. Failure to comply will result in swift penalties being applied as outlined in Article XVIII, Section Q.4(m). Flagrant noncompliance to these provisions will result in a breach of contract summoning the wrath of Khan.
Tamra starts blathering on about being able to keep secrets ‘cuz she never told Heather about how Kelly had her real estate agent look up to see how much Heather owed on her lot.
Of course this is met with a lot of loud, “You’re a fu**ing liar” comments from Kelly.
Kelly explains in her TH that she has a realtor friend who knows the Dubrows. Her friend told her that they couldn’t afford their lot so they had to get a loan through her. Kelly thinks that just because this information fell into her lap and she only relayed it to others that it somehow makes it all okay.
To be fair – It doesn’t seem that Kelly was actually being Detective Colombo and looking into the Dubrow finances… but neither the friend nor Kelly should have said anything about it – even though the deed of trust is public record. I’d never want to do business with Kelly’s friend.
By the way… oceanfront properties in Orange County are OUTLANDISHLY expensive – I mean beyond your brain pricey. In the world of “Big Deal,” “Little Deal,” and “No Big Deal” it is very much a “NO big deal” to take out a loan on a piece of property.
However, Kelly’s TH explanation makes it worse because she qualifies the reason for the loan by saying the Dubrows “couldn’t afford” it. Ummm… Kelly – If they couldn’t afford it they wouldn’t have qualified for the loan… There are many, many reasons to take out a loan rather than paying cash for a piece of property. Taking out a loan in no way reflects an inability to afford the lot… As you guys well know.
Stick a fork in Kelly, ‘cuz she’s done. I mean seriously, done. No amount of four leaf clovers are gonna help her at this point.
Heather decides she needs some retail therapy so they walk to a department store. The rest of the women walk on ahead with Shannon and Kelly falling behind. Kelly is still loudly ranting about Tamra through the streets of Dublin. Charming, no?
Then Kelly unconscionably says to Shannon of Tamra, “No wonder her daughter doesn’t talk to her.” OMG OMG OMG!!!
Remember on a previous episode, Tamra had tearfully described her non-existent relationship with her daughter to Kelly. Kelly is now using that info against her. Kinda like Tamra just did about the real estate info… but I digress.
The point is that it takes a special kind of gooberhead to say something like that… The custody issues in Tamra’s divorce were pretty horrible. At that time, Tamra was very unhappy in general – and her behavior was completely wackadoo… It’s kinda like how Kelly is now – which is why up to this point of time, Tamra was really defending Kelly’s actions and words to the others.
Everyone but the cameras walk into the normal looking department store whose name was creatively obscured from view. However, the women’s mics are still hot. Their van is waiting for them in front of the store.
Once inside, Tamra directly asks Shannon what Shannon and Kelly were talking about on the walk over. Shannon tells Tamra exactly what Kelly said and that Shannon had responded, “Don’t you dare say that.”
Tamra flips a fig. Actually, she flips several figs.
You don’t see anything…. But you hear Tamra scream assumedly at Kelly, “You fu**ing bit**! You talk about my fu**ing daughter and I’ll fu**ing kill you.” Kelly doesn’t seem to understand why Tamra is mad at her ‘cuz she didn’t know Shannon had already tattled on her.
Tamra screams, “What is wrong with you?” Kelly then says, “You hit me?” Tamra responds with a dramatic, “FU.”
Tamra stomps out and goes to sit in the van. She is hyperventilating. Shannon consoles Tamra and feels bad that she told her in the first place. Duh…
People are waiting outside on the sidewalk of the store. Heather comes out of the store and tells them that because of what happened between Kelly and Tamra that she was kicked out of the store. Her Royal Heatherness has NEVER been kicked out of a store before. The nerve!
Kelly tries to explain that Tamra hit her but Heather just tells her that she doesn’t care because Kelly should have never said that about Tamra’s kid.
Everyone Is Wrong
- Kelly is obviously wrong for saying something so danged egregious. Period. Later, Kelly said that she didn’t “mean to” hurt Tamra – that if she really wanted to hurt her that she would have said it to her face. Right… So saying it behind her back is better? Give me a flippin’ break…
- Shannon is wrong for telling Tamra what Kelly said even though she was just responding to a direct question. Shannon KNEW that Tamra would likely respond in a big way, no? She KNEW it would hurt Tamra’s feelings, no? Why on earth would you want to repeat something so personally hurtful like that to your friend in this setting? It makes no sense to me. Oh yeah… it’s reality TV.
- Heather is wrong for seemingly to minimize Tamra’s physicality against Kelly and instead thought it was a way worse crime for her to be asked to leave a department store. Get your priorities straight, Heather.
- The department store should have not thrown out Heather – She had nothing to do with the altercation but was just guilty by association. They do reserve the right to serve whomever they choose… but it just didn’t seem entirely fair. Plus, they lost a hefty sale ‘cuz I think Heather was gonna do some serious damage to her credit card (Cuz, you know, she couldn’t “afford” to pay cash… lol)…lol… (Sometimes I crack myself up…)
- Vicki was wrong to try to remain neutral. She’s the one who instigated everything by being mad at Kelly’s “jokes.” Vicki demands that everyone else has to always have her back – but she rarely – if ever – has anyone else’s back. It makes me so crazy.
- Meghan’s wrong because she trusted these wackadoos to be able to wander around the streets of Dublin without adequate supervision.
- Tamra is so VERY wrong to “hit” Kelly. It is NEVER okay to hit unless you’re defending yourself or someone else, right? Isn’t that what we teach our kids? Oh sure, Kelly verbally slugged Tamra in the gut… But Tamra should have never physically touched Kelly. Tamra’s been bulking out for her competition and is very, very strong… This could potentially be a HUGE lawsuit except that the housewives sign off in their contracts about not being able to sue each other on the same franchise. However, if there’s a loophole – You’d better believe Kelly will find it and use it to her advantage.
Irish eyes are NOT smiling…
“Kelly has a really amazing ability to just take a really good time and just knock it on its ass.” – Her Royal Heatherness about Kelly.
That’s it for this episode… I hope Ireland still allows Americans to visit after this trip. Hopefully, they’ll just think they’re part of some crazy reality TV show and not hold the rest of us responsible for their atrocious actions.
As always, thanks for reading…
All photos are video screenshots of the episode that can be accessed at: www.bravotv.com. Thanks, Bravo!
The Video of the Week
In light of the Chicago Cubs loss last night, I needed to watch a video that makes me laff. This classic one never fails to deliver. Please make sure you have the sound “on.” The baby’s laff is EVERYTHING!
This YouTube video was posted by sazareda’s channel entitled, “Excited dog makes baby laugh!” Enjoy!