The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
“Harry’s Meat and Gatsby’s Fete” – S7/E9
AKA: Harry Puts the “Q” in BBQ
Hellooooooooooooo! I kept waiting to write about The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills until they actually did something that motivated me to sit down and write about them. Clearly, you’ve heard nothing but silence coming from me for weeks. This week was not especially wowing either – but anytime there’s a show about Harry Hamlin’s meat – you know I’ve gotta say SOMETHING, no?
Remember, Over the Last Weeks…
We’ve seen Erika and her “dancers” almost gyrate themselves off a cliff in Mykonos, Greece at 3:00 AM… We’ve seen Lisa & Her Lips’ secret Ziploc® of assorted pills that would even make Kim Richards jealous… At Kyle’s game night, we witnessed Lisa & Her Lips and new girl Eden use Kim Richards’s sobriety as a “crutch” for a storyline…
We’ve seen Dorit drop Boy George’s name so many times he was required to undergo the NFL’s “Concussion Safety Protocol” process before he was cleared to sing at PK’s B’day party… New girls Dorit and Eden make a rookie mistake by compulsively sharing their strong opinions on how other people should grieve and how they should maintain sobriety… And we’ve seen Vanderpinkie fall in love with a yet another new dog and then use him to mop off the top of a jewelry case full of diamonds…
Many bloggers are nicknaming “Dorit” the completely obvious “Dorito” – and while we ALL know I’m game for a good nickname… I find that’s a tad too obvious to link “Dorit” with “Dorito.” Although I must admit, one is thirsty – very, VERY thirsty, while Doritos just make you thirsty. One tastes good when dipped in sour cream and the other is just a dip. One boasts she’s never worn Spanx in her life while the other requires me to preemptively wear a double layer of Spanx just because I’ve seen the Doritos bag innocently sitting on the pantry shelf… crying out to me in the middle of the night because it’s lonely and needs a friend… Seriously, not even Cindy Crawford could resist a lonely bag of Doritos…
Speaking of Cindy Crawford…
The Battle of the BBQs
How adorable is it that Harry Hamlin and Cindy Crawford took part in a pie baking contest one time when they were in Canada? Raise your hand if you actually believe Cindy has EVER eaten an entire slice of pie in her life… Yeah, me neither. Raise your hand if you’ve seriously thought about moving to Canada at least once during the last couple of weeks. Yeah, me too…
Anyhoo… Lisa & Her Lips seem to think she can throw a better BBQ than Kyle’s Barbecue-less BBQ and Erika’s Carnival Q… But I’m not so sure because Lisa can’t even find a rolling pin or the flour in her own kitchen so that Harry can make his signature blueberry pie. Oh wait, it’s not her fault… Evidently, her housekeeper keeps the flour in the garage. Huh? <Shrug>
Erika tells us that she has been hearing all about Harry Hamlin’s meat for months and will take his meat any way he will give it to her – anytime he wants to give it to her. At least that’s what I thought I heard her say. Why is everything I write sounding kinda dirty?
Harry generously shared his meat with each guest and after they seductively wiped the sauce from their drooling lips, Eden began to once again incessant blather about Kim and her sobriety and it snaps me back from a fantasy world of Harry and his meat back into reality once again. Dagnabit!
Why, oh why are we talking about Kim’s sobriety AGAIN this season? Haven’t we done enough of that over the last 4 million seasons? It’s just crazy. The only thing crazier would be for Kim to plead with Bravo to let her come back on the show even in a “friend” capacity thus agreeing to exploit her own sobriety – And then complain about it when they do so. I’m really convinced that Kim is even thirstier for fame and a paycheck than Dorit. And that’s saying something…
Okay folks… I love this Malibu property as much as anyone… but we saw it last week and now we’re actually holding a Great Gatsby party at it this week. Reminder: This is a property that Mauricio is trying to sell and this is just one ginormous infomercial so it can get more free international airtime exposure so he can, you know, SELL THE PROPERTY.
I also hate it because it made me yearn for Yolanda’s Malibu mansion that was somehow criminally sold right out from under me. I also wonder how Yolanda’s fridge is doing. Dagnabit, I loved that fridge. <Sigh>
A Crime Against Humanity
Did I hear it right that Kyle is NOT throwing her iconic “white party” this year and instead opted for this “Great Gatsby party” at this Malibu mansion? Why? ‘Cuz they’re not allowed to throw a “white party” in Malibu? Because they thought a “Great Gatsby party” would make the house somehow more saleable? This is just wrong, wrong, WRONG on so many levels. I demand criminal prosecution!
Personally, I hate wearing all white because when I do – my body becomes an irresistibly strong magnetic target for spills, dust and dirt. I mean, I didn’t even wear white at my own wedding. Unless it’s Halloween, I really don’t want to walk around as a mini-marshmallow unless I’m gonna be dipped into a vat of chocolate. Chocolate is ALWAYS a good idea… Unless you’re wearing white… Wait, I just contradicted myself… Chocolate makes me do that.
Things I Liked
- The “Great Gatsby” costumes were great. Lisa & Her Lips and Eileen “That Tramp” (I used to love but now not so much) really got into the spirit when they did the Charleston… That was fun and entertaining.
- I love, love, LOVE Rinna’s daughters and their talking head interviews. They’re fabulous. Give these girls a show!
- Is there anything that Harry Hamlin cannot do? He can bring home the bacon… fry it up in a pan… and never let you forget he’s a man… Plus he makes blueberry pie. Always marry a man who can make a pie… Mine makes fabulous cherry pie.
- Dorit seems to catch on quick because she demonstrates that she’s learned not to talk about people in this group behind their backs. She passes on that advice to Eden.
- It is fun watching Erika go through the auditioning process for a small part in The Young and the Restless. Erika is understandably nervous and doesn’t want to screw it up for herself or for Eileen (who “gave” the possibility of a part to her as a B’day gift). Erika seems to take direction well. She’s had lots of practice taking direction from a domineering husband.
- At a strategic point, we see Lisa & Her Lips’ dog poop on the grass. The producers on these “Real Housewives” shows seem to think we want to see dogs poop. Personally, I think it’s highly symbolic of what a crappy season this has been thus far.
Things I Did NOT Like
- People had to go into a trailer to use the bathroom. Do the hundreds of bathrooms in this McMansion not work, or what? Wouldn’t you WANT people to have the opportunity to wander around an empty McMansion to see it when you’re actually trying to sell it? Even if no one at the party could afford the McMansion – they certainly have friends who can. #MissedOpportunity #PassTheTP
- The only thing we’ve heard Eden talk about this season is Kim’s sobriety, how she thinks Kim was rude to her, and crystals. Eden might want to find a storyline that isn’t about someone who is not even on the show, no? Eden outs and ultimately blames Lisa & Her Lips for being the one who told her that Kyle IS Kim’s enabler. They show the footage. Rinna is dust.
- Kyle seemed cranky when the clouds rolled in at the beach at night. Umm… Kyle, you’ve grown up here – This is so common it’s ridiculous. I will say that it was fun to see Kyle complain to Kim about the moon, the DJ, and the heat lamps. I guess it was just nice to see them being “sisters” without any talk about alcoholism. Well, that is until Eden interrupted them with her sobriety-speak. Take a seat, Eden. See – if only this had been a “white party” they could have stuck a fork in Eden’s dupa and toasted her like a marshmallow, no? #Missed Opportunity
- While I admit that I’m a hugger – I’m not a long hugger. Eden’s insistence of long hugging is just wackadoo to me – especially with people who have said they’re not huggers. Who does that? I know it prolly sounds like I hate Eden – but I don’t… I think she’s gotten some really bad advice plus she thinks that people should instantly care about what she has to say when she hasn’t stopped talking long enough to earn any level of respect at all. Yes, we know your daddy was the great Vidal Sassoon… But still, Eden needs to get over herself.
- I don’t think it was especially kind of the Producers to show Kim Richards’ valiant attempt to walk down some stairs in wedges that were clearly too tall for her. Clearly, Kim’s practicing wearing taller shoes now that she’s sober and can actually walk in a straight line. Practice, practice, practice!
My favorite line of the night came from Lisa Vanderpinkie when she was talking to Eden. Eden was, shock of all shocks, talking about Kyle being an enabler to Kim. Vanderpinkie says point blank to Eden, “We got off on the right foot, but I’ll put that other foot up your ass if you come after my girl Kyle.”
The mic and Lisa Vanderpump’s pump dropped.
Well, that’s it for this episode – there was some other stuff – but since I really could NOT care less about what PK does or says it’s really not worth going into. I wish Kim had not come back – even in a “friend” capacity. It appears that Kim’s sobriety is going to continue to be a central theme this season. <Ugh>
Thanks so much for reading… I know I’ve been so AWOL lately… and I’m trying to work myself back into it somehow… I appreciate you for taking the time to read…
Until next time…
Video Of The Week
This video happens to accurately sum up just what I think about this season thus far. I offer this YouTube video posted by Brittany lansburg entitled, “Charlie says “blah, blah, blah….” Lol…