Real Housewives of New York City
“Ramona, You’re BatCrapCrazy”
AKA: “Dear Ramona” – 2.0
I’ve rewritten this 2nd letter to you a bazillion times. I’ve even procrastinated posting it because some of the versions were just so danged mean and so, so lengthy… lol. I really didn’t have any choice, though… because I’m concerned that no one else will tell you – and you desperately need to know the truth…
Here’s the thing – And don’t try to apologize or excuse your way out of it.
You’re horribly mean – I mean to the core… despicably mean and worse yet – mean spirited. It’s all the more inexcusable because you come wrapped in a nice little “True Faith” self-righteous candy coated exterior. You should BE better than this… you should ACT better than this… but you don’t.
I really don’t get it – because it seems you’ve gotten away with this crap for years. Oh sure, we’ve seen glimpses of the depths of your meanness every once in a while – but we all had front row seats to witness firsthand how vile you can really be in the last couple of episodes.
Come here, Ramona… Sit down right next to me… No, not THAT close… Listen, I’ve got to be honest and tell you that I truly believe from the depths of my heart…
Ramona, dear, you’re BatCrapCrazy with an extra measure of crap and a whole lotta crazy. Add 2 heaping cups of delusion and stir until all ingredients are mixed thoroughly… Voila!… You’re a putrid, steaming pile of excrement that’s cluelessly unaware of your own repulsive stench.
There… I’ve said it.
Ramona – Let’s get the record straight since you like to bend the truth so much – YOU started this feud with Bethenny… Surely you know at least that much, right? A few episodes back, on camera, you brought up the fact that Bethenny was in a soft porn movie of some sort back in the early 1900s. Well, okay, so not THAT long ago… but you get my drift… It’s ancient history…
Her appearance in a long-forgotten movie was something so inconsequential to me that I didn’t even remember it until you mentioned it – on camera. However, you decided to bring Bethenny’s daughter into this conversation by feigning concern that Bryn’s 6-year old friends would bring up the fact that people saw Bethenny’s boobies a bazillion years ago in a sex video.
‘Cuz sex videos these days are oh, just so scandalous. <Yawn>
Heck, all of us, whether we wanted to or not, saw Bethenny’s entire nude backside ON THIS VERY SHOW back in Season 3 when she did that semi-nude photo shoot for PETA. Big freakin’ deal.
I’ve tried to move forward without writing this letter – but I just can’t get past the big fight you had with Bethenny during a recent episode when your actions were especially disgusting. Let’s revisit what you said and what Bethenny said… I’m confident we can get to the truth of the matter.
Let’s set the scene… In the Berkshires, Bethenny knew things were extremely uncomfortable between the two of you especially after your lame-ass apology during dinner, so she wanted to sit down and set the record straight.
As you guys began to talk, you decided to say, “You know, Bethenny, I don’t want to go to the past – because I don’t go there – That’s not who I am. I’m here now and going forward.”
Right… Have you ever noticed how it’s always the people at fault who want to quickly gloss over and dismiss the past without ever taking any real accountability for what they’ve said and done? What the heck kind of crappy fake rationale is, “that’s not who I am.” No Ramona, that’s EXACTLY who you are.
You bring up “past” grievances ALL of the time. This whole fight began when you brought up Bethenny’s ancient movie.
Bethenny responded, “Okay, well I’m gonna go to the past for a moment – because I am. You have not been a good friend to me.”
With your eyes a blazin’, Ramona, you dramatically said, “Really? Well, you’ve not been a good friend to me, so…I’ve not been a good friend to you? Wow… wow Bethenny… wow… Are you fuc*ing kidding me, Bethenny? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? I have not been a good friend to YOU? Wow.”
Bethenny simply affirmed, “Yeah.”
Okay, you’re gonna hafta give me a moment to collect myself from falling to the floor laffin’ my fool head off.
So Bethenny told you that you haven’t been a good friend to her. It’s a hurtful thing to say… but it’s not like she called you a bitchy witch or anything… but we’re getting ahead of ourselves, aren’t we?
Ramona, then you said in your talking head interview (TH), “Don’t ever say that I’m not a good friend because that I wear like a medal.” Suddenly, we find out why you got a boob job – it was so you could have a chest upon which to pin all your friendship medals. Got it.
Bethenny said, “I know, I was sick… you were divorced… Those are called “crisis moments” which people do for other people.”
Ramona, you then counter with, “You were never there for me like I was there for you. But I accept that, Bethenny.”
Ramona, how is this you NOT bringing up the past? So basically, while breaking your arm patting yourself on your back, you’re also saying you’re a far superior friend than Bethenny ever was or ever can be… Plus, to drive that point home… you attempt to set yourself up as a martyr by saying how you graciously accept this ginormous flaw in Bethenny’s character. <Gag>
Listen… I’m not gonna make any excuses for Bethenny and her friendships… She’s got a whole lot of issues that have been magnified by her public successes and failures. I think Bethenny’s inner circle of friends is very small – but I bet that inner circle can always count on her.
However, if your name is not Bryn and you’re not a company called “Skinnygirl” you’re way down on her list of priorities. It’s just how it is.
All Bethenny has said thus far is that you haven’t been a good friend TO HER. She doesn’t say you’re not a good friend in general… just not to her.
Then Bethenny calmly lists various reasons: 1) You badger her about her life; 2) You told her she would end up all alone; 3) You stole 2 dresses from her; and, 4) Even though you had ample opportunity to tell her over the summer when the cameras weren’t on, you waited until you had an audience to voice your concerns about Bryn’s friends bringing up her “porn” past.
‘Cuz ya know… telling a national audience about a potential awkward issue that involves a 6-year old is WAY better than handling it privately. If someone had done that with you and Avery, you would have BLOWN a freakin’ gasket.
Ramona, then you responded… and I can’t believe that I actually hafta type it… but you started to list your grievances against Bethenny (I’m assuming these had to do with the film she made): 1) Bethenny was topless (Horror of all horrors); 2) She had sex on a waterbed (Huh? Sex on a waterbed is only a problem when you spring a leak); and, 3) Bethenny kissed a woman (And she liked it… Well, at least that’s what Katy Perry says).
<Pause for laughter at the complete lunacy of it all>
Ramona, THIS is what you come up with? How does any of this have to do with how Bethenny treats you as a friend?
If clues were shoes, you’d be barefooted.
Then you guys started yammering back and forth about how Bethenny earned her living – Ramona, you then said something that was bleeped out – but it seemed like you were accusing Bethenny of not working until she fuc*ed someone (that part was bleeped out)…
Bethenny didn’t understand your comment – She said, “I didn’t have any money until I fuc*ed what? What is that? What the hell was THAT comment?”
Ramona, you tried to explain how you think Bethenny dates every guy for his money. Bethenny wanted to know how Ramona would know that… and Ramona just tells her that everyone knows.
In her hilariously funny TH, Bethenny says, “Fuc*ing my way to the top? I can’t even fuc* my way to the middle. I’m trying to fuc* my way to the bottom. I’m below a zero – I can’t even get up to the bottom. So someone fuc* me and get me to ground level.”
Okay… so far Ramona, you’ve attacked Bethenny’s morality, her character, her personal life, her family life, and NOW you’re going after her business success? All because she said you weren’t a good friend to her? Whoa…
Please – Everyone quickly step at least 50 feet away from Ramona ‘cuz some major lightning bolts are gonna be hurdling down from the heavens any moment now…lol…
Ramona it’s here when you completely enter the Twilight Zone – because you start blathering about how you’ve been on your own since you were 16, that you put yourself through college, and that you were a self-made woman. Congratulations to you. And how does THAT have to do with anything?
Then you tell Bethenny that she “pretends” to be a successful woman. Bethenny astutely asks you how many cases of wine you sold this year. Ouch… that’s gotta burn.
And because you have never had an original thought, you counter attack asking Bethenny how many cases she sold. THEN you tell her that her “brand is done.” You’re such a nice friend.
Since Ramona, you’re all pinot and no grigio, you decide to boast about having sold 10,000 cases of wine during your first year. I do think that’s awesome and it IS something to be proud about… but come on… you’re trying to pretend that you’re more successful than Bethenny? Talk to me again when you’ve sold 100,000,000 cases…
Wow…If this isn’t parallel to guys talking about penis size and then whipping them out for comparison… I don’t know what is.
You guys continue this asinine pissing contest and then they show the TH that put me over the edge about you.
Ramona, you said verbatim in your TH, “I want to hurt Bethenny. I want her to feel the pain I’m feeling. Because you know what, she’s pissing me off and she’s hurting me really badly. She’s punching me – and I’ll punch her back harder.”
You’re such a NICE friend, Ramona. WHAT is Bethenny saying that is so horrible? She was WAY calmer and nicer than I would have ever been, that’s for sure. She brought up looking at the statistics ‘cuz she knew they would bury you and your outlandishly wackadoodle statements.
How was she pissing you off? Is it because she had the audacity to respond to your wild, delusional accusations?
How was she punching you? By responding to your criticisms with a right jab of the truth? But I guess the truth DOES hurt, no?
In what universe does a friend ever wish for their friend to hurt? Only in YOUR universe, Ramona… In your sick, narcissistic, and demented universe.
Some other stuff is said but then you say to her, “… You had everything paid for your whole life. I’m fuc*ing self-made Bethenny, unlike you. You say B-Real – You’re not real. You’re like B-Bullshit. You don’t know what it’s like to be married for 25 years Bethenny… You don’t know… You’ve never been married for 25 years… I loved him… I was extremely successful and he didn’t feel good about himself.”
So like, how long have you been waiting to use the obviously prewritten slam of “B-Bullshit”? Do you have a memorized list that you whip out just for occasions like this? I wonder who helped write them for you…
Ramona, you’re all over the place in this wackadoodle diatribe… Seriously Ramona, pick a lane. None of it makes any sense.
Here is the rest of your exchange… It’s mind boggling… It really is:
Bethenny tried to end the conversation by saying, “You’ve said a lot of things tonight, you really have…”
Ramona, you delusionally said, “You started and I finished.”
Bethenny responded, “Ramona, I don’ think you’re seeing yourself at all – you’re not seeing yourself clearly.”
Again, because there’s no original thought anywhere in sight, Ramona, you parrotted back, “Oh, sweetheart, you don’t see yourself at all – you’re an opportunist, you use people…”
Bethenny said, “Then why don’t you stay the fuc* away from me? You’ve been up my ass the whole night – you’ve been kissing my ass – Apologies… Fake apologies… Why don’t you be genuine? If you don’t like me and you think I’m an opportunist… stop trying to be my friend.”
Ramona, you sputtered some stuff and then settled on, “You know what? Because I accept people for who they are.” (Here’s where I involuntarily gasped thus spitting my sparkling orange water all over my keyboard. Who’s gonna pay for a new keyboard, dagnabit?)
Bethenny donned her latex Captain Sarcastic outfit and said exactly what I screamed at the TV as I wiped off my monitor, “I can tell.”
Ramona, you said, “You are broken… You are broken. You’re so fuc*ing broken that you don’t see it. And I feel sorry for you.” No you don’t. You don’t feel sorry for her one little bit. ‘Cuz if you did – you wouldn’t be saying this crap to her.
By the way, Bethenny doesn’t need nor want your sympathy. She’s gone through a lot – but she’s the first to admit when she’s on the breaking point. Unlike you, she’s pretty self-aware.
Then Ramona, you dramatically brought your hands and rested them on your heart while emphatically saying, “I love people” (Now I’m seriously worried I’ll soon be cleaning throw up off my keyboard).
Bethenny continued her Captain Sarcastic voice as she said, “It seems like you love people” (I completely die laffin’).
Desperately trying to convince us, Ramona reiterated, “No, I DO love people.”
With her Captain Sarcastic cape waving in the breeze, Bethenny continued, “You seem very nurturing, caring…”
Ramona said, “And I actually do care for you – but you sat down to attack me – So guess what, I’ll attack you back.”
Bethenny responded that she didn’t attack her in any way, shape, or form.
Ramona, you disagreed and said, “You sat here, ready to have a fight with me.”
Bethenny pointed out the fact that “the truth came out tonight”…
Ramona, in your most vile sing-songy voice you said, “The truth that came out tonight is that you’re a bitc*. You are a bitc*. You’re the Bethenny fuc*ing bitchy witch. You’re the bitchy witch. Bethenny the bitchy witch. That’s who you are – good luck to you.”
Ramona, you dramatically left and attempted to throw a self-congratulating look over your shoulder. It was pathetic, really.
Bethenny says, “All right… This is a great party.”
Bethenny says in her TH, “If a friend attacks every inch of your character and insults the core of your very being – and nobody saw – did it really happen? Did she just say all those things to me and no one heard it? No one’s gonna believe me… No one will understand what just happened.”
That was the end of that particular exchange.
Stick a fork in yourself, Ramona – ‘Cuz you’re D-O-N-E… done.
In addition to all of this craziness, Ramona, you prove once again that you’re a complete gooberhead. Instead of merely unplugging the lights that production left on in the bedroom you were staying in at Dorinda’s house – You decided to carelessly rip them down from off the wall.
It’s too bad that lots of paint and parts of Blue Stone Manor came down with them.
One would think you would have apologized to Dorinda about it. Perhaps even offered to have the room repainted? But no… After describing what happened, all you said in your blog was, “A little freshening up with a new coat of paint never hurt a room!” I know Production likely was gonna pay to repaint… but you should have immediately offered. It’s what normal people do.
It was hilarious how Sonja outed the fact that you do this all of the time when you go on trips together. That you often leave hotel rooms trashed – specifically the bathroom – like rock stars used to leave them. What’s up with that? Who does that crap?
And speaking of hotels… Over the seasons we’ve seen how you treat the staff like they’re your own personal servants. You order them around without any compassion or kindness… and then criticize them for what they do. It’s abhorrent, really.
There’s so much more that I should say, Ramona. This behavior, like this letter, has to end NOW!
You can B-Better, Ramona… You can B-Behave like a civilized human being, Ramona… You can refrain from B-Being BatCrapCrazy… I know you can. Seriously.
Cut it out. Really. I am not kidding you.
Whew… I had to write and rewrite this letter so many times – and it just kept getting longer and longer. So much of it ended up on the editing room floor. I can be pretty mean at times… It kinda shocked me…lol.
I procrastinated finishing – then got kicked in the dupa to finally post it. I really didn’t know if I should because it’s so mean… Plus, I really don’t want to give Ramona THIS much of my brainspace… but I honestly do feel better now that it’s done…lol.
And no, I didn’t want to talk about a certain thirsty red-head’s appearance on this show.
In case you didn’t see it – the first letter to Ramona can be accessed at: http://snackingandsnarking.com/2017/05/rhony-advice-to-a-serial-dater-s9/
I appreciate your patience and willingness to read my rantings… even when they’re lengthy. Lol.
Video of the Week
This YouTube video was sent to me by a friend and it just cracked me up. I think all workout classes should have a hornbill in attendance… lol. It was posted by The Dodo entitled, “Bird Joins Exercise Class: Hornbill Workout Bounce.” Enjoy!