Sheldon: “Sheldon Cooper does not cry.”
Howard: “That’s true, you’d rust.”

Howard:  “Why should I do something nice for you?”
Sheldon: “To go to Jewish heaven.”
Howard:  “Jews don’t have heaven.”
Sheldon: “To avoid Jewish hell?”
Howard:  “Have you met my Mother? I live in Jewish hell”

Howard: “‘On the potty?’ What are you… five?”
Raj: “It’s a ‘potty.’ What do you call it?”
Howard: “A toilet.”
Raj: “That’s a little vulgar for the dinner table, don’t you think?”
Howard: “And ‘potty’ is okay?”
Raj: “‘Potty’ is innocent. ‘Potty’ is adorable.
Howard: “What do you do on the potty, ‘wee-wee?’”
Raj: “If I don’t have to ‘boom-boom.’”

(Howard is teaching Sheldon Chinese)
Howard: “You know, I’m really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.”
Sheldon: “Why?”
Howard: “Once you’re fluent, you’ll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.”

Bernadette: “Does your Mother call you every day to see if you had a healthy lunch?”
Howard: “My Mother calls me every day to see if I had a healthy bowel movement.”

Howard: “Penny, let me take this opportunity to point out that you are looking particularly ravishing today.”
Penny: “Not with a thousand condoms, Howard.”
Howard: “So there IS a number.”

Leonard: ‘Howard, this is big science. You could be the engineer who builds the equipment that puts us on the cover of magazines.”
Howard: “I could also be the engineer that builds the crossbow that kills Sheldon.”

Howard: “I am a horny engineer – I never joke about math or sex.”

Howard: “Hey, you want to make sure (Stuart) gets nowhere with Penny – Without jeopardizing your friendship with either of them?”
Leonard: “I’m listening.”
Howard: “Just tell him to do everything you’ve done with her for the last two years.”

Howard: “Sheldon, you remember the first few weeks we were looking for magnetic monopoles and not finding anything, and you were acting like an obnoxious, giant dictator?”
Raj: “I thought we were going to be gentle with him.”
Howard: “That’s why I added the ‘–tator’.”

Howard: “If it’s “creepy” to use the Internet, military satellites, and robot aircraft to find a house full of gorgeous young models so I can drop in on them unexpected, then fine, I’m ‘creepy.’”

Howard:  (Watching America’s Next Top Model) “Oh, look! That’s the future Mrs. Wolowitz. No, wait! That’s the future Mrs. Wolowitz. With her head in the lap of… what a coincidence… is the future Mrs. Wolowitz.”
Leonard: “Yeah, and they can all move in with you and your Mother – The current Mrs. Wolowitz.”

Howard: “Raj, there’s no place for truth on the internet.”

Raj: “Excuse me, I can’t be drinking, I’m about to make an important scientific discovery here!’
Howard: “What? Galileo did his best work while drinking wine!”
Raj: “How do you know that?”
Howard: “He was Italian, it’s a reasonable assumption.”
Raj: “Dude, can you even open your mouth without saying a cultural stereotype?”
Howard: “I’m sorry – Galileo drank Diet Sprite!”

Howard: “Aaah, this takes me back – Leonard obsessing about Penny. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love your new stuff but, once in a while, it’s nice to hear the hits.”
Raj: “Ooh, ooh… Do ‘our babies will be smart and beautiful.’ That one always makes me laugh!”

Howard: “Women, you can’t live with them. You can’t successfully refute their hypotheses.”
Sheldon: “Amen to that.”

Howard: “I say ‘Vegas, baby.’”
Raj: “What are you gonna tell your Mother?”
Howard: “‘Sea World,’ baby.”

Howard: “Renaissance fairs aren’t about historical accuracy, they’re about taking chubby girls who work at Kinko’s and lacing them up in corsets so tight their bosom jumps out and says, ‘Howdy.’”
Sheldon: “Bosoms would not have said ‘Howdy’ in the 15th century. If anything, they would’ve said ‘Huzzah.’”
Howard: “I don’t care what the bosoms say, Sheldon – I just want to be part of the conversation.”

Howard: “Love is not a sprint…It’s a marathon… A relentless pursuit that only ends when she falls into your arms – Or hits you with the pepper spray.”

Raj: “Come on, Sheldon, Star Wars.”
Howard: “I’m pushing play. I mean it. If we don’t start soon, George Lucas is going to change it again.”

Howard: “The doctor says you’ve got to get exercise.”
Mrs. Wolowitz: “I get plenty of exercise.”
Howard: “Crushing my will to live isn’t exercise!”

Sheldon: “The entrance to the dungeon is a moss covered door. You manage to open it only to find yourself face-to-face with a hideous, foul-smelling, moss-covered ogre. What do you do?”
Howard: “I say, ‘Hey Ma, what’s for dinner?’”

Howard: “Looks what you created here, it’s like Nerdvana.”

Howard: “What’s up, my nerdizzles?”.

Raj: (Drunk) “Penny dear, be a lamb and shoot me another beer.”
Penny: “Get one yourself.”
Rajesh: “Ooh…. Looks like somebody’s been take some bitchy pills.”
Penny: “God, he’s an ass when he drinks.”
Howard: “He’s an ass when he doesn’t – You just don’t hear it.”

[Credit: All photo images this section were accessed via Quotes were written by amazingly hilarious and creative writers as delivered by talented and unflinchingly funny actors on The Big Bang Theory. Thanks for being so danged entertaining!]

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