Please know that you are not alone if this show is dancing on your very last nerve. There are many of us who feel the same way… We can make it through it if we hold hands and stick together. We WILL survive…
By the way, sorry this recap is a little tardy, but I was sick beyond words yesterday… Plus, I was busy watching this video a few hundred times:
Everyone traipsed off on a long journey to San Diego to see Erika Jayne perform. A good time was had by all… until after the performance. Lisa R’s “Depends” were all in a bunch because she was being blamed for tattling to YoYo that Kyle and Lisa V had a conversation at Kyle’s BBQ-less BBQ about YoYo’s children – specifically regarding Mohamed’s (YoYo’s ex) opinion about their diagnosis. By the way, just to keep it real… They DID have a conversation about it…
Through a simple process of elimination, it was clear that it was Erika who was the tattletale – But everyone made the mistake of remembering they’re good Bravo employees and therefore must create drama every single time they’re together – so they brought it up in the aftermath of Erika’s performance. After Lisa R asked question, “Who told YoYo about the conversation?” – Everyone just fell silent and looked around at each other. However, they ALL knew exactly WHO did it – But it was Erika’s party and she could lie if she wants to, lie if she wants to, lie if she wants to – You would lie too if it happened to you.
A funny thing happened… Mr. Stars99 got really cranky when the women insisted on talking about the BBQ conversation right after Erika’s performance… He doesn’t blame Erika at all for lying about it… He thinks it was absolutely ridiculous for them to bring it up at that point of time. And then… THEN he said it… I mean, seriously, my husband ACTUALLY said, “I grow tired.” I died laffin’… I mean uncontrollable laffter… It was hi.lar.i.ous… I want you all to know I deal with huge amount of guilt about what I’ve subjected this man to… lol.
Kathryn invited everyone over to her San Diego house that is in the process of getting remodeled. They’ve had it for 13 years. It’s actually much further along than I thought it would be based on Kathryn’s previous statements – I kinda thought everyone would hafta put on hard hats and stuff, a la her Royal Heatherness Dubrow’s luncheon from Real Housewives of Orange County.
Calcutta – Not Just a Place in India
They have an infra-red sauna that does a whole bunch of good things for you according to Lisa R. They have a Jerusalem stone hood in their kitchen – Yes, they actually had stone flown in from Jerusalem. They have “Calcutta” marble countertops from Italy. At least “Calcutta” is exactly how Kathryn pronounced it which confused the viewers and her husband since Calcutta is in India. The Italian marble is actually, “Calacatta.” Kathryn, the self-appointed word police, might want to get that correct in the future. Did I mention the marble is from Italy… Cuz Kathryn said it like a million times.
Evidently there is some rule out there that if people are at your house that you can dictate the words they can and cannot use. Kathryn didn’t like Lisa R’s use of the word, “scary” when she was describing some of what transpired last season between she and Kim Richards and the whole substance abuse scenario. I can totally understand why Lisa R would use that word to describe Kim’s behavior. She scared me and I wasn’t even there. However, Kathryn’s for the second week in a row, takes umbrage to a certain word being used. Remember last week’s See You Next Tuesday? And just when I was all ready to get all snarkrageous on Kathryn about how she’s again being the self-appointed word police – She revealed a heart wrenching piece of her life to us.
No One Should Ever…
Kathryn’s Dad, who battled substance abuse for many years, committed suicide when she was only 13 years old. Whoa… That’s just an impossibly enormous amount of grief that’s on a whole nuther level. I just can’t even begin to imagine how seriously life jolting that would be… Especially for someone that young. Now it makes sense that Kathryn would defend a substance abuser (Kim) whom she had never met the moment that disparaging things were being said about them. Kyle left the conversation for a while as everyone was cluing Kathryn and Erika in about what had happened last season. Lisa V followed and sat down with Kyle in another room. Kyle and Kim are just beginning to rebuild their severely damaged relationship. Kyle doesn’t want to be part of any conversation about Kim.
Kathryn says that people should be given several chances to get better – that no one wants to live like how a substance abuser lives. She schools the others as she reminds them that they have absolutely no idea of what a substance abuser like Kim goes through every day of her life. Kathryn knows that it’s extremely hard for someone like Kim to not do what she so desperately wants to do…
Eileen starts talking about how hard it was for her and Lisa R last season to be part of Kim’s storyline even though it was out of good intentions…
Erika physically rolls her entire head in disbelief at what Eileen is saying. It was hilarious. She had a quite a physical reaction but she kept quiet… lol. Yeah, Erika the new girl has been very clued in by someone… No names mentioned, Yolanda.
Erika tried to shut the substance abuse conversation down several times out of respect for Kyle – because they were talking about her sister. That was pretty kewl. By the way, Erika comes clean about being the one who told YoYo about the conversation about her kids. And with that admission, all the air goes out of everyone’s blaming sails.
Dinner with “The Boss”
When the Vanderpinkies and the Girardis go out for dinner – We witness a weird dynamic. Everyone seems to think that Tom is cute and sparkly because he has a twinkle in his eye. Lisa points out that he has so much twinkle that he might have a twinkle in his twinkle… Clearly, he loves the Erika Jayne persona and totally supports her in every way. You can almost imagine him puffing out his chest and boasting to his schoolyard friends as the scantily clad Erika Jayne vamps across the stage, “Yeah, I get a piece of that every night… Well, at least twice a year.
Everyone just laffed and laffed when Tom told Erika to, “Go to your room” when they disagreed on whether or not she often uses the words “bit**” and See You Next Tuesday. I cringed. Later, as Tom is telling Lisa V how she exudes confidence and has great looks, Erika puts in her 2 cents and says that Lisa V has a great intellect… Tom immediately chides Erika by saying, “Excuse me, Erika – This is me talking, not you.” As if Tom’s the king of the freakin’ world or something.
Erika reveals to us that Tom IS “The Boss” – So much so that it’s the name she has on her cell phone for him. I guess it just wasn’t funny to me when he treated Erika like a child when they were talking about stuff… I’m sure I’m in the minority, but it just wasn’t cute to me – no matter how much sparkle there is in his eyes or in his “twinkle.”
Tom and Lisa V are flirting with each other. Tom tells Lisa V that she is formidable. Ken clarifies that she might be formidable but she’s not intimidating. I thought that was very intriguing…
It was also quite interesting to me, that Tom told Lisa V that she was an alligator who lays out on the beach in the sun, ready to pounce on her prey. Ummm… You JUST met Lisa… That was a “snap” judgement, no? I’m not saying it’s not true… but it just seemed wonky to me that he would say that during the very first time he ever met her. I mean, unless he’s spending his limited discretionary time watching past episodes of the show… On what evidence did he reach that verdict? Did he get it from Erika? From others? Perhaps one of the liti-gators on his staff? The alligator just laffed it off out of professional courtesy. She knows on which side her businesses are buttered… And Lisa wouldn’t want to be known as an insti-gator.
A Barbecued Carnival
Hang on you guys, we’re in for a carnival ride during this next scene. Erika threw some red and white checked tablecloths around, rented some carnival games, and adorned the pool with hot guys in swimsuits with jewels hanging down over their jewels. I think this whole thing was ABSOLUTELY a dig at Kyle to show her what a REAL BBQ is… While I thought the carnival was wonky cuz I associate kids with carnivals and there were no kids in attendance… It was actually okay. I especially appreciate they actually served hamburgers and stuff.
The sad part was that no one was eating. But they WERE playing the carnival games. YoYo took out her anger by throwing balls and darts while imagining Lisa R’s face as the target. Oh, and she also purposefully mispronounced the word “Munchausen” as often as she could. This woman, who knows several languages, one of which is Dutch, just couldn’t figure out how to say “Munchausen” for some inexplicable reason. Puhleeze.
Kyle says after seeing all of the male eye candy hanging out by the pool, “I thought I was going to a BBQ – I mean I know my BBQs aren’t exactly BBQs – but this is a flipping carnival. A carnival of butts.”
They sit down for lunch, and Lisa R looks uncomfortable – and Yolanda asks her if there’s something they need to talk about. Lisa tells YoYo that Eileen clued her in that she’s not okay after their Apology Summit. Lisa thought that if YoYo had any issues with her that she would call and they could talk it out. YoYo furrows her eyebrows and incredulously repeats Lisa’s R’s words, “Call YOU if I had issues?” Then YoYo chides Lisa R for interrupting when she clarified that she actually didn’t tell EVERYbody about Munchausen…
YoYo is cranky because after Lisa left the apology summit, she read what the word, “Munchausen” actually meant. She tells Lisa in no uncertain terms, that it was the “lowest fuc*ing blow that I’ve ever had in my entire life.” Lisa apologizes and YoYo tells her, “Sorry is not enough.” Everyone around the table is really uncomfortable. YoYo says this is the same problem that she had with Brandi last year – that “Sorry” just isn’t enough. I kinda agree with her… I call that kind of sorry, a “cheap sorry.” I’m not sure what else Lisa R is supposed to say, however… I don’t think Lisa R was disingenuous in her apology.
YoYo decides to educate the class on the definition of “Munchausen” but instead, she spews the definition of “Munchausen by Proxy,” which is a whole nuther Oprah. Details… details… details. Lisa R’s conversation had NOTHING to do with YoYo’s kids’s diagnoses…
Lisa R tries to clarify that it was someone else who said it to her but that she participated in the conversation and it made her feel so yucky that she talked to a couple of the other women about it… Lisa R thinks that making an accusation is much different than just talking about it. I would be more inclined to buy this logic if Lisa or Her Lips had immediately disputed the accusation itself – but she didn’t. Instead, she perpetuated the accusation by reading the definition of “Munchausen” to us and to the other women… Plus, she seemed to wonder aloud if it was applicable to YoYo. Of course, this was all done on national TV. At least that’s how I interpreted that exchange. Certainly, we would have never known about what Lisa R’s hairdresser said if Lisa R hadn’t repeated it to us.
Somehow YoYo, in all her weakened feebleness, gathered every ounce of strength she had to go all batcrapcrazy and yelled at Lisa R. Lisa V puts herself in YoYo’s line of fire when she tries to explain that the definition that Yolanda just read was NOT what Lisa R had said at all…
YoYo dramatically pounds the table and starts yelling at Lisa for defending Lisa R and talking about her kids. I honestly thought we would see another table flip, you know, if YoYo wasn’t so weak and feeble. Poor thing.
Wow, YoYo’s really working hard to stay on the show next season.
YoYo demands that Lisa R tell her who said she had Munchausen. “I’m not gonna say who said it. I’m not. Because I don’t think it’s fair to that person. It’s not anybody that you know.” Wait, what?
We found out from Lisa & Her Lips’ recent appearance on Watch What Happens Live that “one of her hairdressers” is who originally brought up the word “Munchausen” to her. I LOVE hairdressers… Mine is fabulous (Hi Ginger!)… But many just love, love, love to gossip and I would no more believe what they had to say than the tabloid headlines splashed on the guilty pleasure gossip magazines that I love to read while drying my hair in their salons.
I really thought it had come from someone who actually lived in Malibu who was somehow connected to the Fosters on some kind of level. Certainly, I thought that it had to have come from someone credible, oh, you know, like someone who actually KNEW Yolanda and had personal firsthand information that contradicts YoYo’s illness. But no… Now, perhaps “the hairdresser” was repeating what she had heard in her chair from others who live in Malibu… I dunno. It was all a big, fat let down to me.
Yolanda doesn’t care whether or not Lisa or Her Lips believes that she has Munchausen or not. YoYo said, “I don’t care. You said it… You put it out in the universe and it sucks.” YoYo goes on a rampage about labeling… She insisted that Lisa R had previously labeled Kim and Brandi and that now she was labeling her.
As an aside, YoYo seems all healthy now. It’s a freakin’ miracle.
YoYo shows her true colors when she says of Lisa R, “I could clearly label her unstable or bipolar. I’m not going to do that.” Ummm… You just did… But then again, you knew that, didn’t you?
YoYo, you big, fat, hypocrital bitch.
First of all, you just did what you are accusing Lisa & Her Lips of doing – but in a much bitchier, manipulative kinda way. You don’t play fair, do you?
Secondly, how DARE you use the word “bipolar” as if it was something derogatory!
You pretend to be a champion for those with invisible, chronic illnesses and yet at the first opportunity, you disparage another invisible, chronic illness? Get off your freakin’ holier than thou Lyme-filled soapbox and step into someone else’s reality for a change. Mental illness is real. It’s very real. Ignorant, imbecilic nincompoops like you need to stop using actual psychological diagnoses as disparaging putdowns. Why don’t you educate yourself about it… Oh wait, you say you can’t read anymore. Nevermind.
OOOooOOoooo she makes me soooooooooo mad!
YoYo continues to yell. Erika defends her friend YoYo and demands Lisa R tell who said “Munchausen.” Actually, to be accurate – Erika also screams at Lisa R. Cuz you know, nothin’ says “Hostess with the Mostest” like screaming at one of your guests.
YoYo and Lisa R ultimately hug it out… but if you looked closely, you could see the flash of the knife’s blade before it was hidden again so it can be used another day.
Other Things I Learned from this Episode…
- Previous real housewife Adrienne Maloof had lunch with Kyle. Why, you ask? Evidently, she and Paul (her ex-husband) are working on a skin care product line. Evidently, this skin care line makes you look unrecognizable cuz Adrienne looks way wonkier than usual to me. She looks good… but just not like Adrienne. I mean, if you’re going for the perfectly smooth, frozen face kinda look. Oh, and Adrienne’s there so they can talk about Kim… Of course they do. Hey, does anyone happen to have any spray tan remover? #AskingForAFriend
- Found out last night (not thru the episode) that since filing for divorce, YoYo is no longer going by Yolanda Foster but has decided to use her previous ex’s last name of Hadid. She tries to tell us that her children wanted it that way… But come the heck on… The kids are all older. I suspect there is a financial angle to it. Why not go back to your maiden name? Or better yet, back into obscurity?
- As the women are eating more than they’ve eaten all year during Kathryn’s brunch, they talk about Lisa R’s eating/not eating. They’re eating so much that Erika tells Lisa R that her next meal with be Thanksgiving. Everyone laffs. Eileen asks if Lisa is still getting eating disorder feedback… Lisa tries to say that she’s a person who eats and works out and has never had a weight problem. We hate her. Lol. Kathryn doesn’t think Lisa or Her Lips actually ever eats anything – She just pushes food around on her plate and takes baby bites.
- Lisa R’s sister, Laurene, tragically died of a drug overdose when Lisa was 6 and her sister was 21. She wrote all kinds of poems which Lisa brought out to read with her daughters. One of them read in part, “Here I am but a mere fifth of a century old – Yet able to dictate the utter despair of those who see no significant meaning to their existence.” The profoundness of her words causes Lisa to gasp. Another poem was, “The Golden Rule is no longer ‘do unto others’ but should read, ‘Let your brother be – For if he needs your help he shall seek it.’ “ Wow.
- As I was writing the synopsis of last week, suddenly I wondered if Yolanda’s fridge is jealous of her cryotherapy chamber.
Erika says to Lisa Vanderpump as they tour the chapel she built in her house, “You can repent of all your sins, Lisa.”
Lisa responds, “I don’t think we have time for that.”
Erika says, “Probably not.”
Lisa says, “I have way too many.”
“He’s got a twinkle in his eyes and maybe a twinkle in his twinkle” says Lisa V of Erika’s husband, Tom.
“Erika, stop it – Go to your room!” Tom disagrees with Erika when she insists that she uses the word “bit**” and See You Next Tuesday all of the time.
“It takes a gay village to look this good.” Erika says of herself and her entourage who helped her get ready for her BBQ.
“I think the old Yolanda’s coming back!” Kyle in her talking head interview when YoYo was confronting Lisa R.
Well, that’s it for this week… Thanks so much for reading… Hope you have an awesome weekend!