Splitz (Kyle) returned and showed off twice in case you missed it the first time (Yes folks, she actually did the splits!). This week she dances and twirls her long pony tail around and around. It’s somewhat comforting to know some things don’t change.
The most pertinent thing from last week was the conversation on the beach between YoYo and Erika when they talked about what was said at the BBQ-less BBQ about Bella and Anwar’s Lyme disease. Erika clued in YoYo that Kyle and Lisa V were discussing Yo’s kids. I will put the entire conversation at the bottom of this recap for those interested…
We get to see Erika Jayne perform tonight! It should be very, very interesting…. But before that… Dang, we already a scene with YoYo?
YoYo takes Kyle and Lisa V to a place where she has weekly cryotherapy treatments. Their website can be accessed at: http://www.cryohealthcare.com. Okay, this is why people in snow-laden areas hate us in California. The temperature today is going to be about 86 degrees, yet some of us actually pay to freeze our asses off at special cryotherapy spas. Puhleeze.
YoYo has found out that Kyle and Lisa V have been saying crap about her and her kids’ Lyme disease behind her back, so she decides she’s going to freeze them to death.. Well, maybe not to death, but almost. I think she was trying to make some Real HouseLymesicles outta them.
Basically, you step into a chamber, strip down nekkid – and they pump freezing air onto your body (Negative 140 degrees Celsius). According to the website, this kind of treatment is especially great on inflammatory disorders and ailments. There are a whole lot of other reasons they say it’s beneficial – but I don’t want this to turn into an Infomercial. We already saw enough of that during the episode. I will say that it looks like a single treatment costs $65; while a package of 3 costs $175. Honestly, I thought it would be much higher.
Kyle and Lisa V went there to support YoYo… and Lisa said that seeing YoYo laffin’ made it all worthwhile. Later, as they’re going to lunch, Kyle admits her sore knee felt better after the treatment. I say, find a snowdrift and stick your nekkid dupa in it and make a freakin’ snow angel or something. Or perhaps you could just lie down in a freezer.
Yolanda Was Forewarned and Forearmed
“Come have lunch with me,” says the spider to the flies. “I’m so weak from Lyme… You certainly have nothing to fear from me – Look, I can barely even hold my head up,” insists the spider as she bats her innocent mascara-less eyes at her unsuspecting prey. And the flies comply and take their seats in the sticky web woven craftily for them by the true webmaster of the show.
When Kyle, Lisa V and YoYo all sit down for lunch, YoYo starts telling them that Lisa & Her Lips came to see her and that it felt awkward. Kyle wants to know what Lisa R said. YoYo talks about Munchausen – and that the conversation gave her an ugly feeling. She felt like Lisa R was discrediting her disease and her 4-year journey.
Kyle and Lisa defend Lisa R by telling YoYo that Lisa R had never questioned that YoYo had Lyme disease or was suffering – but that she had been part of a gossipy conversation with someone in Malibu… And then she talked about it with some of them.
The spider asked the flies, “What was your part in that conversation? I mean, did you stand up for me?” as she continued to spin her web to entrap them. I yell at the TV, “It’s a trap! It’s a Von Trapp!” Sorry, hubster and I always say that – It’s a perfect melding of Star Wars with the Sound of Music…lol… Anyhoo…
Kyle acknowledges in her Talking Head interview (TH) that when Lisa R brought up the word “Munchausen” that they didn’t say enough to defend YoYo – that they could have said more.
YoYo tells Lisa V and Kyle that they’re supposed to be her homies… her friends. Did they say, “No, this woman has been sick for 4 years – She’s been in bed for 9 months – She’s fighting for her life.” And this is where I again scream at the TV… “You haven’t been in bed for 9 months… We have the Instagram pictures to prove it!”
YoYo tells them that Lisa R mentioned they had said that Anwar and Bella do not have Lyme disease.
YoYo somehow summoned up the strength of a thousand men and handily threw Lisa Vanderpinky onto the grill and cranked up the heat. Ahh… FINALLY something’s getting grilled as a result of the BBQ-less BBQ and it’s Lisa V’s frozen ass.
What actually happened during YoYo and Lisa R’s discussion 4 days earlier was that YoYo said that Anwar and Bella both have Lyme disease. YoYo also said that someone told her that Lisa Vanderpump was talking… Lisa R interrupts and says, “Well, just at dinner the other night they were very lightly discussing it.” YoYo said that it rubbed her the wrong way and that no one should ever get close to her children.
Vanderpinky explains that in all of the years she’s known the family that no one has ever mentioned that Anwar or Bella had Lyme disease. YoYo suddenly interjects that Mohamed pays for the medical bills which is something that Lisa V did not know. YoYo insists that Mohamed knows very well where his children are being treated and for how long.
Okay, up until this point no one said anything about Mohamed – So there was a lot said to YoYo that we never saw onscreen. Plus, I highly doubt that a billionaire gets out a checkbook and pays his own bills – Surely, he has people who do that… no? Between all of YoYo’s wackadoo treatments, some of which she has Anwar and Bella also do… It’s gotta be hard for anyone to figure out what part of the bills are actual medical treatments and what part are beauty or cosmetic treatments.
YoYo asks Lisa, “So you never said, ‘I don’t think that Bella and Anwar have Lyme disease?’ ” Lisa honestly responds, “What I’ve got from it – Is that Mohamed said they were healthy.” YoYo thinks that’s basically saying they don’t have Lyme disease. Lisa says, “Well, I don’t know.”
Then YoYo brings out the big guns… She pulls an Aviva Dresher/Brooks Ayers stunt and waves a manila envelope containing Anwar and Bella’s medical test results right in Lisa’s face and tells her that she wants her to take them home and read them. #homework #popquiz
Lisa is aghast and wants no part of looking at the kids’ medical records. YoYo wants Lisa to apologize to the kids. YoYo snottily says that she doesn’t want this to ruin Lisa’s relationship with her children. Yeah, right!
In her TH, Lisa says that Mohamed said the children were fine – and that’s what she thought. Oh, Lisa does NOT think she has anything to apologize for… but she really does. IMO she should have never made a private conversation public that had to do with the health of Mohamed’s kids.
YoYo says in her TH head interview that if they had any issues with their health – they should have talked to YoYo about it instead of talking about it behind her back. She’s got a point.
And who was the one who had issues with it? Let me see… Let me see… Who was that again? Oh yeah, it was that chick on the right who evidently is suffering from a spontaneous case of laryngitis because she’s keeping very, very quiet. KYLE was the one who specifically and repeatedly asked Lisa V about Mohamed’s thoughts on the subject.
Wouldn’t it be nice if for once Kyle admitted to it? But while many things have been brutally cold in this episode, hell hasn’t quite frozen over.
Finally, Kyle opens her mouth, asks what Lisa R said, and assures YoYo that no one has said anything malicious or gossipy about this subject. YoYo said, “It was more about Lisa saying that Lisa brought up my kids not being sick.”
Can we please stop talking about this? Oh, I guess not. They talk about it again on the limo ride to San Diego. When Lisa V confronted Lisa R, she says she didn’t say anything to YoYo about what Lisa V or Kyle had to say. The reality is that she actually told YoYo they were “lightly discussing” it. They all figure out that someone else had to have been the one to talk to YoYo about the discussion at the BBQ… But the prime suspect is busy getting nekkid so she can have a full-body spray tan for her evening’s performance.
It’s “Pervert Night” at Rich’s
Erika Jayne is performing at a gay nightclub called “Rich’s” in San Diego (about 3 hours south of Los Angeles) … AND… Good news! Friday night is “pervert” night! Lol… They said that it is expected that 2,000 people will be in attendance. That’s a lot of perverts. That venue did NOT look like it would hold that many people – even with a couple of different stages… but what do I know?
Erika is excited for the women to travel down to San Diego to meet her alter ego “Erika Jayne” when she performs because as she says, “Everyone needs a little Erika Jayne in their lives – Especially these old girls.” Oh… They’re so not going to like being referred to as “old girls.” lol
Since last episode, Kathryn made such a big deal about the word “C-U-Next-Tuesday” Erika decides to wear a hot pink “C-U-Next-Tuesday-Y” necklace. Of course she does. Eileen thought it said, “Candy.” There’s just something funny about that…
Erika tries to explain that it’s not like she’s calling someone an actual “C-U-Next-Tuesday” – but that it’s more about a sassy, sexy, and fun attitude. I think the word means different things to different people… And to some it’s really offensive. I think it’s vile when people try to use it derogatorily towards someone else…
Erika tells Kathryn she can’t get offended by her necklace. But really, who is Erika to tell anyone what can or cannot offend them?
I gotta admit that ALL of the women are very excited about seeing Erika’s performance. Especially Eileen. Eileen absolutely LOVES Erika… It’s so hilarious to me that she gets so unabashedly excited wondering about what Erika is going to wear. I really like Eileen this week which is nice because she was starting to lose me over the last couple of episodes.
Bravo had fun editing this particular segment. While Erika Jayne is gyrating almost nekkid onstage singing that she’s a temptress… They splice in footage of Lisa V enjoying a spot of tea… However, I was mortified when I saw that Vanderpinky’s pinkie was not fully extended… lol. It was absolutely HILARIOUS! This is when I love Bravo.
After Erika Jayne sings her first song, she launches into “Painkiller” – but we only see a couple seconds of it. I gotta say that all of the women were dancing around and really getting into the performance. They had nothing to say but really great things – and it all seemed quite genuine.
It’s All About Control
Everyone goes back to Erika’s suite at the hotel for an after-the-performance party. Erika Jayne was just so NOT in the mood to talk with the others about how she clued in her friend, YoYo, about what people said behind YoYo’s back at the BBQ-less BBQ. Erika had just finished her performance and was on a performance high. She had scantily-clad men poised, ready, and waiting for her phone call to come back and party. Erika just wanted to have fu-un. She did NOT want to be grilled and certainly not by the likes of Lisa or Her Lips.
But Lisa & Her Lips needed to know who told YoYo that people were talking about her kids and whether or not they had Lyme disease. This is important to Lisa R because she’s getting blamed for it.
Erika Jayne blatantly said, “I didn’t say it.” In her TH, Erika says, “I am the person that told – 100%. I told Yolanda what was said at the barbecue but I don’t want to talk about this right now.”
So Erika lied. With an absolutely believable look on her face, Erika lied her catsuited ass off. And you know what? She could NOT care less.
In her TH, Lisa R says that Erika is a “pus*y” – because there’s no one else who could have said it.
Oh, this is so not going to end any time soon… Sigh. I grow tired.
Other Things I Learned from this Episode
- Though Eileen said she only went out a couple of times with him, we found out that Eileen and Kathryn were both dating Marcus Allen (Kathryn’s ex-husband) at the exact same time. #awkward
- Eileen has “janky” bags/purses but uses them anyway. She refuses to pay a lot of money for them. She just doesn’t care. This is disturbing to Kathryn. People also didn’t like the shoes Eileen was wearing. I think there’s going to be an accessory intervention of some kind in the near future. But, it might translate into some free stuff for Eileen. Perhaps she should start wearing really ugly jewelry, too… #winning
- Kathryn wants to call “My Boyfriend” (Vince – Eileen’s husband) and tell him that his wife is going to spend $10,000 on some new bags – Kathryn’s hoping they can get 2 or 3 for $10,000. Wow… If I had a discretionary $10,000 hanging around I sure wouldn’t spend it on purses…lol. This is so outside of my reality…and philosophy. I tend to get one purse that I love and then wear the heck out of it. I may or may not buy my bags on ebags.com… Allegedly… lol…
- Kathryn has lost the hearing in one of her ears so now she has selective hearing. She jokes about getting a disabled placard for her car but the joke goes over everyone’s head. They must not have heard her right.
- Before the performance, Erika and her dancers stand in a circle holding hands with their eyes closed. You would almost think this is a prayer circle until you hear the words, “Turn up the sex… Turn up the heat.” Umm… Yeah…. Not a prayer circle.
“It’s my party and I’ll be cunty if I want to.” Erika Jayne will be using this word every single chance she gets…lol.
“Everyone needs a little Erika Jayne in their lives – Especially these old girls.” Erika Jayne says this when she’s talking about the other women… This is before they attempt to murder her.
“Hey, it’s between you and the universe, baby.” YoYo to Lisa V at the end of the luncheon about what she said or didn’t say about YoYo’s kids having Lyme disease.
“The bag does not make me.” Eileen to Kathryn when she disparages her purse.
“Fu** all you superficial bitches.” Eileen flips the bird to the limo full of women when she finds out that Kyle’s purse cost around $4,000 (Classic Chanel).
“I don’t judge – I just report.” Lisa R dusts off her quotable quote from last season on the limo ride.
“This is a rock star moment – I am a rock star in my mind.” Lisa R when they all go into Erika Jayne’s tour bus after the performance.
“Oh my god, a word is just a word.” Eileen says during the discussion about Erika’s necklace.
“Come on girls, let it go – Stop being so C-U-Next-Tuesday-Y” – Eileen in her TH surprises even herself when she uses the word on Erika’s necklace to describe the other woman.
“It’s like having sex without an orgasm – Nothing happened.” Lisa R regarding wanting to get to the bottom of who told YoYo about the conversation – but no one admitted it.
It looks like Lisa & Her Lips thinks Kathryn is a rabid dog and that she is a fu**ing lunatic – but it might just be creative Bravo editing. At a backyard carnival thingie… It looks like YoYo wants to know who in Malibu had the conversation with Lisa R about YoYo having Munchausen’s – and Erika verbally sticks her nose into it, too.
Last Week’s Conversation between Erika and YoYo on the Beach…
Last week’s episode in its entirety can be accessed at: http://www.bravotv.com/the-real-housewives-of-beverly-hills/season-6/ep-10-backwards-in-heels – I’ve captured the conversation it as closely to word-for-word as I can get:
Erika: “Um… Lisa Vanderpump was there… There’s been a little talk that Bella and Anwar do not have Lyme, or…”
YoYo: “Oh my God, are you kidding? Did they say that?”
Erika: “I overheard a little bit of something like that…
YoYo: “That is…”
Erika: “Just a discussion…”
YoYo: “That is insane.”
Erika’s TH: “I am telling Yolanda what went on at the BBQ because she has a right to know who’s talking about her kids. I do feel a sense of… like it’s my duty to protect her in a way.”
YoYo: “Oh my God, who said that?”
Erika: “Lisa and Kyle were discussing it.”
YoYo: “Lisa Vanderpump?”
YoYo: “Oh my God. That is just shocking. Like it doesn’t bother me about me – but to say that about my children? Lisa – and she always goes like, ‘Oh, I love your children – I’ve known your children since they were little…’ And they put that out in the universe? Are you kidding? Oh my God…”
YoYo’s TH: “I wish they would use their energy that they’re wasting on talking about me – Use it to come and take care of me.”
Note: In this conversation, Mohamed’s name was never mentioned that we saw…
That’s it for this week… I’m tired of talking about Lyme disease. I’m also tired of recycling storylines from other franchises. I mean who voluntarily gives someone else her children’s medical records? That’s just wonky to me. YoYo seems pretty smug right now. I wonder how long that will last.
Erika just alienated people who really like her, I think. I don’t think she cares. She’d better hope that we care.
Thanks for reading… Happy trails!