Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
“Off With Her Head!”
(Otherwise known as Reunion – Part 2) – S6E22
The insatiable accusers encircled the hobbled, pink woman and spewed their vitriol through hate-filled rantings. “Off with her head!” they demanded as the circle grew ever smaller. “But what have I done?” asked the cowering woman, confused by the depth of their anger. Their blonde leader hissed, “You know what you did. Off with her head!”
Pinky attempted to plead her case, “But I’ve already apologized for asking too many questions about your affair. I’ve already apologized about this whole thing several times – Tell me what you want me to say and I’ll gladly say it – I just don’t want you to be upset anymore.”
The blonde accuser haughtily laffed then cackled, “Once again, you’ve missed the entire point! None of those apologies count because your genuflections didn’t use the exact repentant words with the shame-ridden intonations that my blondeness demands. Off with her head!” The others gathered around and echoed, “Off with her head!”
With befuddled confusion and battle fatigue sweeping over every fiber of her weary being, Pinky managed to raise her head one last time and contritely hurled herself at the feet of her blonde accuser and begged, “Please, please, PLEASE tell me what you want to hear to make this all stop, Your Royal Soapiness.”
Her Royal Soapiness haughtily towered over her exhausted prey. An evil smile crept over her arrogantly pompous face as she basked in her successful torture and dethronement of the former Vanderqueen.
Her Royal Soapiness delicately straightened her cubic zirconia and diamonelle studded crown perched high atop her pointy little head, perfectly framed by her curling iron-singed, overly processed, cascading blonde locks. She carefully smoothed the folds of her purple polyester blend royal robes and prepared to impart the Great Truth that the world has been waiting for since the beginning of time… Or at least since the beginning of this season.
The earth stood still and silent as mankind painstakingly awaited her Great Truth to come flooding forth from her crimson-stained lips. “Well,” said her Royal Soapiness as she slowly began to pontificate. The crowd collectively held their breath in eager anticipation, not wanting to make a sound so they could hear every single perfectly appointed word.
After waiting for what seemed like decades, the defiant Royal One’s Great Truth finally gushed out, “I felt yucky cuz you didn’t hear me.”
“Wait, what?” asked Pinky, who was genuinely puzzled by Her Royal Soapiness’ royally nonsensical words.
The Royal One ludicrously blurted, “You didn’t hear me, you didn’t hear me, you didn’t hear me! Waaaa… Waaa… Waaa!” The crowd, though increasingly perplexed, continued to obediently but nervously chant, “Off with her head! Off with her head!”
Pinky looked directly into the preposterously smug face of her blonde accuser. Pinky stammered, “Do you mean to tell me that your ridiculous rantings and ravings against me all season long were just because you didn’t think I heard you?”
Strengthened by the sheer lunacy of the baseless accusations, Pinky slowly rose to her feet like a phoenix from the ashes. She looked The Royal One straight in the eye and said, “I hear you now, you daft cow.” And with that, Pinky abruptly turned her back and floated off into the sunset riding her pink flamingo pool toy. The dumfounded heifer was left gasping for words.
The rest of the Reunion show was really inconsequential. What mattered to me was:
- Surprise, surprise – YoYo returned to the stage after her dramatic exit at the end of last week’s episode. I wonder if this is going to be sick YoYo or healthy YoYo. Where’s her Instagram account when you need it? Oh wow, imagine that… Vanderpinky has been telling the truth all along about how Mohamed told her that his kids were, “fine.” Yolanda said that she confirmed it directly with him and that he backed up Lisa’s story. Vanderpinky said Mohamed has been cranky with her because he thought she had been saying disparaging things about his kids. He was wrong. Gee, I wonder who told him that? While Mohamed’s and Lisa’s friendship isn’t yet back to normal – They are working it out, much to YoYo’s chagrin.
- Kim Richards entered the stage and said that she feels like she’s hard to love. Kyle confirmed that she has always loved her – but that sometimes it’s hard for her to like her. Kathryn is visibly torn up by Kim’s struggle with her addiction(s). Kathryn’s tears of grief are fueled by death of her nephew who died just 6 weeks earlier of a heroin overdose. This short but poignant exchange brought a level of empathy and genuineness rarely, if ever, witnessed during a reunion show. Kim felt the depth of compassion coming from this barely-an-acquaintance wearing a green gown. It moved her. It moved me. I don’t care what else Kathryn has ever done… She is necessary for this show. I desperately hope they keep her.
- Rinna decided she needed a soap opera moment, so she dramatically stood and flailed her arms around screeching for Vanderpump to “own it” as they talked about a phone call Vanderpump allegedly made to Rinna goading her into bringing the whole Munchausen thing up on camera. Rinna does admit that Vanderpump never actually used the word “Munchausen.” Rinna said, “You didn’t say the word – You didn’t have to say it.” Huh???? Okay wait… Vanderpump is being blamed for encouraging Rinna to bring up the whole “Munchausen” conversation on camera but she never actually used the word, “Munchausen?” Wow…
- Erika was asked about the time she lied and told the others that she wasn’t the one who told YoYo about Kyle and Vanderpinky’s conversation about YoYo’s kids during Kyle’s BBQ-less BBQ. Remember Rinna was flipping out because everyone was blaming her for it. Erika LIED during the Reunion because she is now saying that she never lied about it – but that she just didn’t understand the question.
When I originally viewed that episode, I wrote, in part:
“But Lisa & Her Lips needed to know who told YoYo that people were talking about her kids and whether or not they had Lyme disease. This is important to Lisa R because she’s getting blamed for it. Erika Jayne blatantly said, “I didn’t say it.” In her TH, Erika says, “I am the person that told – 100%. I told Yolanda what was said at the barbecue but I don’t want to talk about this right now.” So Erika lied. With an absolutely believable look on her face, Erika lied her catsuited ass off. And you know what? She could NOT care less.”
You can access the blog about that episode at: https://snackingandsnarking.com/2016/02/rhobh-please-welcome-erika-jayne-s6e11/…
So, not only did Erika lie about it to begin with, she is now lying about lying about it. While I do still like her to some extent – You just can’t escape the fact that she’s literally a lying liar who lies.
- Eileen says she doesn’t trust Vanderpinky. Big whoop. I wouldn’t trust ANY of them. This is a soft-scripted reality show that manipulates and exploits pretend conflict to create a TV show. They are all in on it – although arguably some are better at it than others.
- Vanderpump offers a rare glimpse of transparency about an abusive relationship she was in when she was 19 years-old. It sounds like she was physically hurt. We’ll hear more about it next week.
And so ends Reunion – Part 2. Okay, everyone take your hand and pat yourself on the back because we made it through… Only one more Part to go! Yay! We can do this… We can… We can do this!
Thanks so much for reading… I really appreciate it. There really wasn’t much to this episode… So I decided that the soap opera actresses weren’t the only ones who had dramatic license in the telling of this story. Until next time,
Photo Credit: All photos are screenshots from videos accessible on www.bravotv.com with the exception of the group shot at the top – That’s from Andy Cohen’s Twitter feed that can be accessed at https://twitter.com/Andy … Thanks, Andy and Bravo!