– Orson Updates –
For those who aren’t aware – Our beloved Orson has been working hard on coming back from the stroke he had in early September. He has since moved from the original hospital to a medical center that has rehab facilities on the premises. Convenient, no?
He’s making excellent progress! He’s hoping to be able to home in a couple of weeks.
Orson has been regularly updating his FB page. I spoke to him just a couple of days ago on the phone and received his specific permission to update you on his medical progress. I get real twitchy when talking about someone else’s medical condition – but he assured me he wanted you guys to know how he’s doing.
I decided to treat his updates as I would anyone else’s blog – So here are some of his actual FB updates that he’s posted himself (I’ve indented and italicized them)… My snarky comments are in teal…lol.
AM OT, I’m getting more done in the same amount of time. Shaved and brushed teeth standing. In PT did standing shifting balance work besides 68′ walk. More after lunch.
There’s nothing like the slickery feel of teeth freshly brushed and breath minty fresh. I am, however, a tad jealous they allow you to handle a razor… I’m still not allowed to handle sharp, pointy objects by myself –and even then only under strict supervision.
Oh wait, no that’s scissors… I’m not allowed to run with scissors. #Nevermind
However, I DO know that I’m not allowed near open squirt bottles of mustard… but that’s a whole nuther Oprah.
Had some new exercises in PT. They weren’t easy but I did them. Different guy today; said I’m looking good i.e. walking right.
Orson’s popular in the hospital. They fight over who gets to work with him. It looks like he’s doing well at walking right – now he just hasta learn how to walk left.
Light day today, just 1 hour of PT. They screwed up breakfast. Minor, they left out THE SCRAMBLED EGGS is all.
It’s tough to have scrambled eggs and toast when they leave out the scrambled eggs, no? Details… details… details.
I sort of disobeyed instructions tonight because there are some things that won’t wait for a message to be passed along. Besides, I’ve been authorized to travel around in the chair and I was already sitting in it anyway.
Orson… Orson… Orson… Always the rebel! Lol… It looks like you’re already working on putting your case together with logical arguments for when one of your PTs chews you out…lol. I wonder what the punishment was? A sponge bath, perhaps? Poor, poor, Orson.
No therapy today. I sorted my hoarded condiments into 2 cups; 1 of sweeteners and 1 of Mrs Dash and pepper. I think I can ease up on saving stuff.
Did I mention Orson is slated to go on the TV show, “Hoarders?” Evidently, he’s been saving stuff just in case the hospital suddenly runs out – Or perhaps he’s nervous that Mrs. Dash will suddenly stop dashing – Or just in case there’s a zombie apocalypse that can only be thwarted by blowing pepper into the zombie’s faces… One can never be too prepared, right? The Boy Scouts would be proud of Orson’s preparedness.
5 ducks arrived to keep me company. There’s some debate over whether one is a nurse, physical therapy aide, or health care tech. The dietary lady came for my order and I mentioned a few minor snafus. PT says she thinks next week I can walk to the bathroom in my room. Walked a total of maybe 170′ today.
You quack me up, Orson <Groan> <<Sorry, it HAD to be said>> I’m guessing these ducks came from the Duck Lady of Mason Michigan who uses ducks to bring fun to those who might not be having fun. I love, love, LOVE it!
Oh Orson… Have we learned NOTHING from the Big Bang Theory? As Penny said to Sheldon, “You know, for a smart guy… you really seem to have a hard time grasping the concept – Don’t piss off the people who handle the things you eat.”
Update 9-22.2 or 3 . I lost track
More fine tuning in PT. If we need to reprogram my brain, let’s not program in any bad habits. New exercises too and up and down a flight of stairs. In OT they finally put me on the Diablo machine. It suspends my arm by the wrist and elbow eliminating gravity and runs through computer games where I have to move something by manipulating my arm. They kept apologizing cause the games were kind of childish/stupid but I told them “You’re the pros, I’m new at this and I can see the exercise it provides.” Though I want to see a program that lets you knock sleeping cats off furniture.
I dunno, Orson – It might be kinda FUN to reprogram some bad habits into your brain, no? Oh the fun we could ALL have, right?
I’m so impressed you’re already on stairs… but I gota wonder at any machine called “The Diablo” machine (“The Devil”). That just sounds a tad suspect… But after talking to you, it sounds more like a virtual reality kinda game – which could be fun.
KatieCat wants to let you know she is waiting patiently for you… She also wants you to know she’s been practicing being aloof.
A.M. ot and pt over. OT daily tasks going faster, that’s a good thing. PT walked 90 ft, my gait is better. Walked up and down a mat hooked to a computer. They recorded a baseline walk they’ll compare to next week’s.
Wow… Orson… You’re walking 90 feet already? That’s awesome! You’ll be ready for a marathon by this time next year at this rate! Good job!
Acute therapy can be exhausting. Meals here continue to be good. This am, pt had me going up and down a step. They’re working on fine tuning my walking. Total 110′ today on quad cane. Lots of rt hip and knee stuff. They say I’m good at standing from sitting and back. Got dressed including brace and shoes mostly unassisted.
True confession: I keep a plastic cup on the cabinet next to my bed where I save the extra packets of pepper, mrs. Dash, sweetener, and plastic spoons. My Goddess, I’m a hoarder!
Physical therapy can be SOOOOOOOOOOO exhausting and draining. It’s really quite amazing you’re doing this well so fast! Go Orson! You’re not REALLY a hoarder yet… Though time will tell…lol.
I remember saving stuff, too, when I was in the hospital. It was weird things for me… I would save crackers, drinks, and extra stuff from meals that I was too full to eat at the time but wanted to use them as a snack for later (applesauce, Jell-O, etc.)… However, I also saved other random other stuff, too. I think it was a weird thing, at least it was for me… I think it was because I really didn’t have much with me in the hospital – So what little I was given I held onto…
Like I was very protective of my toothbrush and toothpaste for some reason. I would also save the mouthwashes and lotions…lol. It was kinda like being in a hotel and saving the coffee pouches even when you don’t drink coffee… lol.
So I had a break from 0900 until lunch at noon, great for a nap, right? And after lunch from 1230 to 1330? Nope, there was the guy to see about adjusting my brace, two different admin types to ask how I’m doing, someone to measure my vitals, and Sister Correne. Each visit itself was okay, but in sum I needed a break. I actually enjoyed talking with Sister Corrine and hope she’ll visit again.
My gripes were heard and when the OT came for pm session, there was a sign on the door saying “Please see nurse before going in.”
OMG… It’s like you hafta get out of the hospital in order to get any rest… They’re always coming in to do stuff to you and for you. I know it’s their job… but seriously, did you REALLY need to wake me from a sound sleep at 3:00 AM to take a bath? Nurses are actually EXCEPTIONAL people… They are really the caregivers in the hospital and are overworked and grossly underpaid – it’s beyond my brain.
Schedule for this week seems to be 0630 reveille and dressing, 0700 breakfast, 0730 one hour OT. 0830 half hour PT. 1200 lunch, 1330 OT , 1400 PT and 1700 dinner.
I got a quad cane today with instructions that for now, outside of therapy, it’s only for transferring from or to wheelchair. I’m okay with that. And using left foot and arm rolled myself from room to PT. Tiring. Also arranged to get clothes laundered. Productive morning and its just 0930.
Orson – You got more accomplished before 9:30 AM than I got accomplished all day…lol. Good job!
A.M. OT was basically bathing myself and getting acquainted with new OT. I took a chance on lunch and it was good. P.M. OT was more grooming then arm exercises. Rec T was getting acquainted while smelling brownies in the oven. Then PT was not much walking but lots of working my leg while on my back and side. Then I was on an elliptical. Tiring but sorta satisfying.
It’s really tough when you get used to one person working with you – and then another one steps in. It must be really hard on the therapists, too, having to get used to different patients all of the time. Wow… there were brownies in the oven? Did you get any of them? Now, THAT, my friends, is motivation, no?
They got breakfast right. Early PT half hour, mostly eval with regular PTs. OT hour in 1.5 hrs. More pt and ot after lunch and they’ve added one half hour of recreational therapy.
It’s always a plus when you get the breakfast that you ordered. I can’t even imagine what an organizational nightmare it is to make sure everyone has everything they wanted… I’m sure MY idea of recreational therapy is not the hospital’s idea of recreational therapy… lol. I’m glad that you’re getting the medical interventions you need, Orson.
Breakfast was right today. May be a good omen. I managed to open my rt hand to fingers flat without pressing them against anything or using my left hand to do it. All this before 0800 on a day off from therapy.
Oh, Orson, get a grip, will ya? Lol… Seriously, learning to grip again must be really tough… but so danged important. I love how you’re taking the initiative to do things on your own even when no PT is there… It’s such a great sign that you are doing everything you can to recover as quickly as possible. Progress can feel so slow… but you seem to be making great strides… Keep up the great work!
Got brace yesterday and shoes that will fit today. First session with them went well. Another this afternoon.
Morning started badly. They didn’t deliver breakfast I ordered yesterday. Ordered 2nd breakfast which finally was delivered halfway through Plan C! So, I put in orders for next three meals but don’t have much confidence now. Let’s see.
Orson – I know changing facilities is a huge transition – Especially when you’re already going through so much change in your life and having to adjust to it all. Hang in there – You’ll get used to them and they to you. Nurses are also really great at nabbing stuff for you in a pinch…
Wait… I didn’t say to pinch the nurses… I said they’re great at getting stuff for you when you need it. Whew… I really felt like I needed to clarify that for YOU, Orson…lol.
Am tapping this via iPhone cause between wifi, chrome , and nook well… Less than wonderful. Busy morning, more pt this afternoon. This am was mostly evaluation but ot worked in me giving myself a shower. Got here too late to order breakfast but they brought me a huge one that was mostly right.
This was Orson’s big move to his new facility where he will be receiving his rehab interventions. No, not the THAT kinda “rehab” (Kim Richard’s kind)… but you know… it’s the medical kind that actually makes you physically do stuff so that your body can recover safely, physically, and healthfully.
It’s tough ‘cuz you just get used to hospital routines… and then everything suddenly changes. But he will likely be here for 3 or more weeks as he regains the use of everything again. You can do this, Orson… We KNOW you can! GO ORSON, GO!
BELOW is the original post that I posted on September 10, 2016. I’m updating that original post with these updates… and republishing the post so all the info and comments are all in one place for him to easily access it all.
I’ve also modified the original post to add in a couple of additional “Orson Speaks” into it… We gotta keep all of the “Orson Speaks” together, no?
Note: We received the horrible news via Facebook that a member of our family here – ORSON – had a stroke last week and is in the hospital. He will soon be moved to rehab. He is working hard towards getting better – but at the moment he doesn’t have the use of his right arm. As I receive information – I will pass it along to you guys through continually updating this post with the most recent information on the top.
Orson is one of the first people I got to know at LynnFam and has a special place in all of our hearts… His snark is SO great… and I can’t wait until he feels better again to snark away with us.
Directly below is a message dated 9-9-16 that I posted in a couple of Facebook groups at Orson’s request updating everyone with information from a phone call I had with him. It is through that phone call that I obtained permission from Orson to create this post that contains some of his general medical information – I know we are all pretty private about stuff – and I just wanted to make sure it was okay with him before I posted anything about his medical condition on the “interwebs” as he likes to call it.
I also compiled some “ORSON SPEAKS” comments he has made over the last few months on this blog. I hope you enjoy reading through his thoughts on various topics… He always has me laughing – and I hope he returns to his laughing, snarky self really soon!
Please know that even though he currently isn’t able to respond to comments – that he will have access to reading them – He will be checking both this site and the Facebook groups…
9-9-16 (Facebook Message I Wrote)
I just spoke to Orson on the phone in the hospital – and he wants you to know how much he is touched by everyone’s messages wishing him a speedy recovery. He also laughed heartily at those messages that were a tad more humorous ‘n stuff (You know who you are! Lol). I made sure to let him know how much he is loved and missed by everyone… And that he had better get better soon or else we might hafta smack him upside the head!
He’s doing okay – but he doesn’t have use of his right arm at the moment… He will be moved to rehab probably by Monday. They will be doing everything they can so he can regain the use of his arm… Only time will tell… They expect to have him walking tomorrow using a walker – which must be so tricky when you can’t really use one of your arms. He is not in much pain at the moment.
You can imagine how difficult this must be for him… He’s not so great at typing right now – otherwise he would be updating you himself… So for now you’re stuck with me. I’m sure others might be updating you as well… But please know that he has access to read any messages that you write!
Original “Orson Speaks” was updated 9-26-16
“ORSON SPEAKS” COMPILATION
If I knew all it took to see those missed LynnFam names again was to have a stroke, well … do me a favor and keep coming back, m’kay? Your voices have been missed. And the birthday krimpets, too.
ORSON HAS SPOKEN
- Between the hospital wifi and my Nook HD+ I can access here directly. Maybe I can direct more traffic here? Up to Starzy, of course.
2. The buttons on a Nook HD+ are larger than a iPhone 3GS.
3. Because they don’t have specific training, nurses won’t trim your left index fingernail that is too long to hit the keys on an iPhone. Never been a nailbiter before.
4. The Nook keyboard doesn’t have arrow keys for html tags.
5. I cannot say how much your kind words mean to me. I tried telling Starzy that but I got choked up.
ORSON HAS SPOKEN!
I think a major part of Luann’s psychology is that she never makes a mistake; God loves her and because she’s one of God’s favorites she deserves great things. And everyone is jealous of her.
Yes, as much as I like Bethenny, she was wrong to tell any of the others about the news. Maybe Carole only would have been okay if Carole can keep a confidence. Ramona? Well, confiding in her is probably less expensive than confiding on a billboard or that big monitor screen in Times Square. Or hiring the Goodyear blimp to flash the message over the Superbowl. If Bethenny were truly a good friend of Luann, she’d have spoken to Luann alone and off camera and just said “Look, I received these in an email the other day. You need to see them.” and handed her the printouts of the email and the photos. Though as much as many viewers want to jump all over Bethenny for this, I think a lot are also wondering how much of this conversation/confrontation was orchestrated by the production company.
Now, as to Luann’s recent giddy behavior, for someone who has appointed herself as the final word in “Class”, it’s really amazingly out of character. She’s got to be taking some pleasure in besides getting herself a new meal ticket, she gets a passive aggressive “in your face!” to both Sonja and Ramona. It’s the sprinkles on the icing on the wedding cake (see what I did there? Are you proud of me, Starzy?) Oh, and as a bride to be, she gets to be the center of attention. Maybe she can take comfort in the knowledge that as the cheated upon fiancee she’ll now get to wave the victim flag ( Wave that flag, wave it wide and high!)
On another hand, let me say this…
I KNOW that I’m in the extreme minority with the following. Look, I haven’t cared much for Tom Cruise for a LONG time. But (here it comes … ) I never thought badly of him doing that couch jumping thing on Oprah. I thought it was one of the few humanizing things I’d ever seen or heard about him doing. Look, Katie Holmes was a very beautiful young woman when that happened and if she had accepted MY proposal of marriage I’m certain I’d have been joyously announcing it to the world myself!
Oh, and having Carole supply munchies for a party? It is to laugh. Ask her to order some take out or call a caterer? Sure, no problem. But to actually take something out of the freezer or fridge, plate it, and heat it up? I think that’d be quite the stretch for her or anyone else whose primary use of their microwave is as a drawer in a filing cabinet. Although, come to think of it, I could imagine her baking some, um, special brownies. Can you imagine Ramona after she ate a couple of those? But feeding her some of those without telling her would be wrong. But we can consider it, right?
Well, when I set up my coffee maker last night, I forgot to turn it on to auto, so there was no hot coffee waiting for me this morning. I had to actually flip the switch on! So, I’m not feeling my best and I think I need to go lay down and get my life together.
Later, my friends,
ORSON HAS SPOKEN
Look, they’re still searching for and sifting through evidence from the Orlando shooting. It is WAY too soon for anyone to come to any conclusion about the shooter’s motivation. I guess you can speculate all you want, but keep in mind that all it is is speculation.
ORSON HAS SPOKEN
Namaste, I don’t know how you manage to watch the reunions, let alone recap them. Kudos to you.
We had a bit of a sad day today here in Chez Orson. You see, Rooms is a very good cook and enjoys cooking, but due to his MS, he’s now unable to do some of the reaching, stirring, heavy lifting, and cleaning up that comes with cooking. A couple of months ago I suggested that if he doesn’t mind dealing with an idiot, I could do the physical part of cooking. So we cook on Sundays and have dinner ready for 4 days afterwards.
Well, Hefty makes some really neat EZfoil roasting pans that come in an assortment of sizes. We had a huge one that we’ve been using and reusing for a while. The trick is to try to avoid food involving brown sugar. Well, last weekend, while washing up, I mentioned to Rooms that the big old roasting pan didn’t have that many more meals left in it. Well, last Friday, a new roasting pan showed up along with the weekly groceries. Which included 4 ribeyes. Anyway, last Sunday I broiled 4 (all I could fit) in the old roasting pan and cleaned it up afterwards. I didn’t like the look of it after I washed it. Tonight, I broiled the last 2 ribeyes that had been marinating in the fridge since Sunday. I just went in to get the last of the coffee and took a look at the old pan and it didn’t look good at all.
So I broke the news to Roomie that … that it was time. He was obviously upset and spoke a few words in memoriam. Now, I have to drive him to see a new doctor tomorrow. This one is 45 miles away in Peoria. Just so he wouldn’t have to feel like he was accepting charity from me, I told him I’d have to shake him down for gas money and lunch. He shrugged it off. ANYWAY… to soften the blow about the old pan, I just told him that I applied some Google Fu and found there was a farm out in the country near Peoria where old Hefty brand EZ Foil roasting pans go to live when they get retired. And there’s lots of pans there and they keep each other company and have sing alongs and every other day, they fill them with water and baby ducks come to play and swim with them. And on the non-water days, they let kittens come and play in them. Rooms got a big happy smile on his face when I told him this news, so I know I done good.
ORSON HAS SPOKEN!
Okay, by explanation, how ORSON SPEAKS often works. When I read a blog, sometimes when I want to comment on something, I’ll open up a notebook page and make my comment there so I will remember it. And when I read more things I want to make a comment on, that’s another sentence or 3 on that page. When I finish reading the blog entry, I’ll then pretty it up with introductory something or other and sometimes come up with an ending to tie everything together. Now, on to the meat…
Re: the tiger video clip – even if they’re tigers, cats are still cats and cats are assholes.
John and Dorinda set up a 9 pm pickup? That sort of makes sense to me. Before certain family gatherings, I’d set an alarm to go off on my cell phone so I’d have an incoming phone call in case I needed a reason to make an early exit.
I thought those things were double-barreled sling shots?
I can’t imagine either Bethanny or Carole being upset someone caught a buzz. Ramona, on the other hand, yeah. Luann? Depends upon who is in the audience she wants to impress. And I don’t see anything disrespectful about Dorinda in John’s statement. Although I do think it’s a little high school locker roomish for him to talk about his SO that way. But that’s not disrespectful, just childish and John’s dropping that bowling ball on his own foot. But then, this is Ramona we’re talking about. Makes sense to me then. Remember, she absolutely flipped out when Alex brought Simon along to a dinner in Season 1.
Re: phone number security – I’ll never ask someone (let’s call her Amy) for someone else’s (let’s call her Beth) phone number. I might ask Amy to ask Beth if I can have Beth’s number, and I’d ask Amy to give Beth my phone number, but I generally believe I never have the right to pass out someone else’s phone number without authorization. And you may replace “phone number” with “email address” in that statement if you want. Same thing.
I see Dorinda’s point. Criticism from a long time best friend can be a lot more painful and seem more like a betrayal than the same criticism from a recently met cow-orker.
Re: the room temperature thing at the Ramona/Dorinda lunch – Hey, you have to understand, it’s different when Ramona does it.
Re: “The blind leading the deaf”? – this reminds me of a Rowan Atkinson routine. Maybe this link will work. https://youtu.be/pWqQ3K2X1Es
I think Single Ramona on the prowl is going to be just like Ramona always has been, but much more so. And it’s obvious Bethanny is not taking crap that she used to. After 2 series of her own and a bad marriage and extended divorce, it makes sense to me, though I never like catching the heat from Amy for something Bob did to her.
ORSON HAS SPOKEN!
I’m not really sure this is going to end up being worthy of trotting out the soap box and megaphone, but I’ve learned to expect the worst of me.
Namaste, great job as usual. It’s useful having an edited, boiled down version of the blogs with the worst of the self serving bojive deleted. Unless it’s snark worthy.
There actually are some things I want to address. One of the recent, um, “conflicts” is the health of Yolo’s children and who has said what about it. Now, Yolanda says 2 of her children have Lyme Disease. She says they got it the same time she did. This might be a minority opinion here but I’ll state it anyway. If any of them do, in fact, have Lyme Disease, it doesn’t strike me as being all that outrageous they all got it at the same time. Here’s how I think of it: ticks infected with LD don’t live in a vacuum. If, in some area of the type where LD ticks can thrive, if there’s one, there are probably more. And if mom and kids spend enough time in one of those areas and mom gets LD, it doesn’t strike me as all that unreasonable that the kids were exposed to the threat too. They just were smaller targets for the ticks due to offering a smaller target area.
Moving on, Yolanda says 2 of her kids have it. LVP says that Mohammed told her the “kids are fine.” after she asked him. This is what led me to trot out the sound system.
“The kids are fine” can mean a lot of things to me. Let’s see:
-1- The kids are fine = They’re doing well in their jobs/school. No recent legal problems. Neither are making me a grandparent in the near future.
B. The kids are fine = You asked me a question on a personal topic I don’t care to discuss. They’re fine, okay? Next topic. How ’bout them [insert name of sports team here]?
III. The kids are fine = They’ve been diagnosed with Lyme disease. They’re under treatment and it seems to be under control. They don’t require hospitalization or extensive/expensive treatments and are able to continue to live happy and productive lives.
As for the LVP/Faye thing, I recall from many seasons ago, back when Brandi was LVP’s rehab project that LVP hosted some sort of party at her home and either Faye crashed it (from LVP’s POV) or Kyle/Bravo invited her as a plus 1. And while there, Faye started attacking Brandi (in her role of Kyle’s pet attack bitch*). Frankly, I don’t know why LVP just didn’t have Faye escorted off HER (LVP’s) property.
*I will not feed the cussin’ jar because “bitch” is the proper name for a female canine.
Hmm.. I guess I ran shorter than I expected. Go figure. I’ll return you now to your regularly scheduled comments which are already in progress.
ORSON HAS SPOKEN
The following has NOTHING to do with any program on Bravo TV. It has nothing to do with any person appearing on any Bravo TV program. It’s nothing tabloid related. It’s just something I remembered and I feel I need to talk about it to some people, and here I don’t have to worry about it getting back to some other people. So, if you want to skip this, that’s cool. No problem.
Most of this is about my friend’s step-great-nephew. Or is it great-step nephew? His sister’s step-son’s son, okay? Okay, I just finished the 4th paragraph. I wasn’t really sure where I was going when I started this. It might have turned out to be about Coincidence. And I thought of a lighter note to add to end this on.
His name is Luke, and on Dec 29, 2010 he got a belated Christmas present. It wasn’t a electronic gaming system, a bike, or even a puppy. He got a heart. His parents set up a FB page for him, so family, friends, and even 2nd or 3rd degree friends of relatives could keep up with what was going on. So, I learned a lot from that page. Of course, he was in bad shape before, but getting a heart isn’t the cure all. Not only did they have to build him up to something like stronger than he was when he went in, but still weaker than a healthy 6½ year old, they had to keep a very close eye on him to prevent a rejection. This is SERIOUS stuff. But by then, he was used to being in a hospital. Anyway, after 3½ months or so after he got the heart, they had to call his parents in to tell them “Look, Luke is a great kid. We really like him. But this is a hospital and, well, we need his bed for a sick kid, and Luke’s not a sick kid anymore. So take him home, willya?”
Now, over that Dec 2010 holiday week, I had been in phone contact with my friend. Things had gotten hectic at his work (he worked at Wendy’s corporate offices). It seems this woman he worked with had to take some emergency leave during Christmas week. It seems her 9 year old niece had died from some sort of accident. He didn’t ask for any details, because there are some things you don’t ask, right? But we wondered to each other and agreed the kindest thing to say to the woman would be nothing about Luke.
So, now, tonight, it’s a little more than a week after the 5 anniversary of Luke’s heart. He’s doing okay. He’s still on the thin side, he’ll never be a football player, but he’s okay. I remembered him and tried out my google-fu. Luke lives in Pittsburgh, PA. That 9 year old girl lived in Columbus, OH. The direct line distance is about 180 miles. Less than 2 hours in a Cessna or something like that. And an iced down donor heart in a cooler is viable for up to 6 hours.
So I wonder. Coincidence? Maybe, maybe not. I don’t know. I never will. But it’s out there.
Some coincidences can be sad. Some can be both happy and sad. And some can leave you shaking your head and chuckling. Arlo Guthrie was invited to and attended one of President Carter’s inaugural parties. At some point, Chip Carter pulled Arlo aside to tell him that while they were settling in to the White House, he checked out the Nixon Music Library. And there were lots of record albums there and he found a copy of “Alice’s Restaurant”. Arlo was surprised and asked “Had it been opened?” and Chip nodded his head yes. You see, back in those days, the 12″x12″ cardboard sleeve LPs came in came from the store sealed in a cellophane wrapper. To play the record, you first had to at least make a slit in the wrapper with a thumbnail or guitar pick to slide the record out. Well the both of them chuckled about and then probably promptly forgot about it.
Some years later, Nixon passed on and people remembered him and the things he had done. Not long after that, Arlo says he was sleeping one night and then suddenly woke up after having a Great Revelation. Well, it was more of a Great Question. It was How many things are 18½ minutes long?” There were only 2 that he could think of. The first thing was how long the song “The Alice’s Restaurant Massacre” lasted on the album. The other thing was the mysterious gap in Nixon’s White House tapes. That eventually led him to resign.
Now Arlo says it was probably just a coincidence and that the 2 things had absolutely nothing to do with each other. But sometimes he’ll consider the slight possibility that there was some connection. Strange things do happen once in a while, right? Who knows?
I knew right from the beginning this wouldn’t be worthy of an “ORSON SPEAKS”, I didn’t intend to pontificate and declare The Truth. So, I’ll leave this with…
ORSON Talked You’ve all been great. I’ll be here all week and don’t forget to tip your waitpersons.
Let me start off with some background: I am somewhat familiar with people living with a chronic disease. My mother had arthritis. For all of my early life, I remember her walking with a cane. She had her first total hip replacement (not her first hip surgery) when it was still an experimental procedure in the US and only 3 surgeons were licensed to perform it here. She spent 6 or 8 weeks in a hospital in NYC for that while 14 year old me and my 22 year old brother batched it in Wilmington, DE. Anyway, all told, my mom ended up with having had 3 hip replacements, 2 shoulder replacements, 2 ankle fusions, and one knee replacement. And my aunt has had, the last time I kept track, 13 hip replacements (the woman’s pelvis just went bad). So, as I said, I’m familiar with people dealing with chronic diseases and I also have first hand experience on being a caretaker.
So, all that being said, I’ve come to the belief that Yolanda is overplaying her Lyme disease. I accept that it’s effects can come in waves and there are bad times and better times, but it seems to me that the peaks and valleys of her sine wave are very extreme. And maybe some of the negative peaks seem to be a bit convenient and the selfies of her getting IVs or in a hospital bed seem a bit too pathetic. And if a wannabe like Teresa Guidice can have a stylist to do her makeup for her for RHNJ, I suspect Yolo or the production crew could have arranged to have someone at least put some powder over the circles under her eyes if she wanted them to. This is out of my experience, but I think some of you women here can answer this; does it take more effort to open a compact and put some powder under your eyes than it takes to take a selfie with your cell phone and send it out on twitter/IG?
Maybe, like the Ex-Mrs Buggy used to tell me, I can be a cold heartless bastard. Personally, I think she put me through a graduate course in recognizing the raising of the “I’m A Victim, So Feel Sorry For Me” flag, but that’s another casino. But I do know my mother never made a career of her having arthritis. After dad died, besides being a mom to 2 sons, she made a career out of running Dad’s store for a year and a half, learning to drive, selling the store, brushing up her secretarial skills, and becoming a legal secretary. And singing in the temple choir and being active in community theater. And yeah, she had arthritis too.
Hmm… maybe I should make this official?
ORSON HAS SPOKEN!
And now, back by popular demand, is another edition of
I’m sort of wondering if Vicki will have the courage to return next season, because it might conflict with the two basic personality traits that seem to be, in my opinion, the heart and soul of her. The first is that Vicki is always Right. If she does it or says it, it is Right. And the second major trait about her is Vicki is never Wrong. And it seems that her relationship with Brooks, going back to her pre-divorce days with Donn up to the most recent reunion, seem to be in conflict with her basic self-identity. So, unless she can use this hiatus to set up a good “I was a victim” defense, she’s up for a lot of “I told you so” attitude from the other women. And I’m not certain she’s self-aware enough to realize the only way she can successfully deal with this is hire some PR person to stage manage the recovery of her public persona. I know she’s not even in the state of the city of the neighborhood of the parking lot of the ballpark to be self-aware enough to realize what she really needs is some long term psycho-therapy to deal with her neediness, control, and anger issues.
I don’t know if Heather had a team apply a jaws of life to get that needle out of her arse as much as a combination of we’ve gotten used to her and after seeing the other women, in comparison, she wasn’t all that terrible. Maybe hubby will ask for some fried onion rings at her next outdoor casual picnic for the HWs and we can see if she’s really changed or not.
Tamra’s major contribution to the series, h*ck, all the HW franchises, was bringing in conflict. Or maybe it was Teresa. I don’t care enough to research the timelines to compare the timing of the TableFlip vs the Tamra/Jeanna feuding. As for her conversion or rebirth or whatever you want to call it to Christianity … okay, this is a touchy subject for me, as never having been a Christian myself, but spending most of my life around and observing people who label themselves as Christians, I’m hesitant to put myself in a position where I’m stepping on the toes of people I do consider friends, like you folks here. I’ll just put this out here unsolicited, and you can draw any comparisons/conclusions you want to. And if you’re curious enough to solicit some more of my thoughts, well, then, they wouldn’t be unsolicited, would they?
Anyway, there was an animated series “King Of The Hill” about a family in Arlen, TX, and their friends and they all had stereotyped and clichéd characters. In one episode, the mother’s niece who lived with them, decided to go through a re-virginization process, the final step included being Baptized. So, as expected, after the dunking she came walking out of the lake wearing a soaking wet and now transparent formerly white robe revealing her white bra and panties under it and, of course, really caught the attention of a young man in her re-virginization class. Many hijinks followed. ‘Nuff said.
Shannon… was she the HW with all sorts of crystals and chandeliers that could be lowered at the touch of a button for dusting? Eh, I’ve gone off on her before. Why play that record again?
Meghan… She’s still young and pretty. I imagine she spent a LOT of her free time during her nubile single life wearing a bikini on the beach letting guys buy her drinks and other stuff. Um, because of her kind and generous personality ( cough, cough ). Yeah, that’s the ticket. I guess I have too passive of a personality. If I know a friend is doing something really stupid or wrong and I absolutely MUST do something about it, I’ll tell them how I feel and explain why, and then I’ll let it go. They heard me the first time, why repeat it and make a pest/pain in the tush of myself? I’ve made my claim for “I told you so!” after it finally goes all wahoonie shaped, right?
When I started this, I didn’t realize it would turn in to one of these screeds. So now I have to formally end it and then scroll back up to open this properly.
ORSON HAS SPOKEN!
PB&Js should be made with Welch’s grape jelly and creamy peanut butter. Skippy or Jif are the best. Never substitute the Welch’s with petroleum jelly.
ORSON HAS SPOKEN!
And now, on a completely unrelated topic…
Oh, and if you do NOT use Facebook, don’t bother reading this.
Now, TPTB at FB have finally admitted that “Yeah, you want a ‘dislike’ button” and have said they’re working on it. If that’s true, here’s the thing… there’s NOTHING you need to do about it. You don’t have to click on any links to download anything. You don’t have to click on a link and answer a survey. You don’t have to “like” or “share” anything. From my experience with Facebook, here’s what will happen when Facebook releases it: 1) A “Dislike” button will appear, I suspect between the “Like” button and the “Comment” button, and B) a popup will appear just below the blue bar announcing the “Dislike” button. No downloading required. It’ll just show up.
So don’t get social engineered on this, m’kay?
ORSON HAS SPOKEN!
Though I don’t think I have all that much to say this time. Let me start off by briefly relating some things that happened to me. I will make a relevant point eventually.
Story 1. I had been dating this girl for about a year. It was a long distance relationship as she was going to school a 2.5 hour drive away. So we alternated weekends with each other and ran up the phone bill. Anyway, she told me she wanted to end it with me because there was this guy at school who had been after her since day one she wanted to be with. I told myself a lot of it was proximity, but still, it hurt, but what could I do? In retrospect, not done the “we’ll still be friends” thing. So, she’s off at school with him doing whatever and I’m home. And I met this girl she knew from high school and started hanging out with her. Not exactly dating, but spending time. So, doing that stupid “Still Friends” thing, she asked me what I had been doing so I told her I had been hanging out with other girl and her reaction was jealousy.
Let’s move on now…
Story 2. This girl (let’s call her K) and I had developed a pretty good friendship. Now, I feel there’s a line in male/female relationship. On one side is friendship and on the other side is romantic, let’s say. And she had developed a pretty good friendship with this other guy too. Now, at this time, everyone was on the friendship side of the line, but it was fairly clear to me that we were approaching the line and some sort of decision was going to have to be made. Well, she chose the other guy. Ah, just as well and no promises were broken or anything like that. And I began dating some other woman. And when this came up in conversation, K got upset because I had been keeping things from her.
Well, sometime after the second thing happened, I went to this long weekend meeting/gathering with online friends from all different states. We all were on the staff of an AOL forum, you understand. And at one point, two of them (a couple) and I had some time together and maybe a left-handed cigarette and this situation came up in conversation. It was good getting a neutral female view in this and we pretty much came up with this… In both situations, I had been placed in the category of “Standby Dick”. My role was to be available for the ex, even though they were in other relationships. And by starting friendships with other women, I was somehow betraying them. I can’t say I really understand this phenomena, but having defined it, I can recognize it.
So, what does this have to to with the price of tea in China? I’m thinking about our favourite Countless. Kristen said “As far as Luann is concerned, make up your mind, Countess! Is it that he is your “help,” is it his age, or is it your niece?” And the arbitrator of what is Class herownself said My issue is not with their age difference but that she didn’t consider my or my niece’s feelings when she began dating Adam.
Allow me to edit that slightly: “…she didn’t consider my [snip] feelings…” Reading between the lines, I say Luann is pissed because that b-word Carole stole her Standby Dick from her. Luann hired him to cook for her a couple of times and allowed him to squire her niece around, therefore, he’s Luann’s property to use or not use as she wishes. I told you, there was a point to my stories.
Oh, and as for Luann’s statement that What happens in Turks and Caicos should stay in Turks and Caicos? Well, your Countlessnessship, it works like this… if you want what happens in Turks and Caicos, St Barth’s, and/or Vegas to stay in Turks and Caicos, St Barth’s, and/or Vegas, you DON’T WEAR A WIRELESS MIC PACK AND BRING A FILM CREW ALONG WITH YOU. I guess us commoners aren’t sophisticated as you classy nobility are about this sort of thing.
RH Real Estate: 1) The Shorehouse – if someone buys it at auction, do they get it free and clear or do they also buy the liens, back taxes, etc that are on the place? 2) Casa Gundersen – Vicki probably wishes her neighbor Jeanna would step up to help her sell the place. Jeanna, on the other hand, is praying to Goddess daily that Vicki NEVER asks her to help sell the place.
Sorry if you didn’t like the history lesson.
ORSON HAS SPOKEN!
We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming which is already, um, scheduled … uh… to be programmed. Yeah, scheduled to be programmed regularly!
:: tapping on microphone :: Testing. Sibilance. Raise your hand if you can hear me in back, please. … Yes, I’m flattered some of you think I’m number one, but that’s the wrong finger you’re holding up.
Um, Meghan? You’ve been married 4 months, right? And your hubby is living a bi-coastal life (well, he is if the west side of the Mississippi River counts as a coast)? Well, from what I understand about California law, you need to stay married to him for 10 years to get that big divorce pay-off. Maybe you should consider the baby route. That way you’ll be certain to get some child support. Though if it’s any comfort, you’ll probably have an easier time as a divorcee than Ramona, Vicki, and Shannon. Try to emulate Yolo and trade up. Don’t be a Brandi. And as much as I hate to admit it, Vicki does have a point. When you go back on the market for a new husband there’s going to be a lot of younger and better looking competition. Especially in SoCal. So it’ll be convenient if you had some income.
And yeah, I know Shannon’s not a divorcee. Yet. But her marriage is on life support and it’s only a matter of time before David throws up his hands and says “You win! I’m a terrible person. I quit! Are you happy now?” I’ve been there and done that and while she might not have been all that happy she got what she had been working for, I sure was glad to be away from her.
Ah, your Heatherness… $500 tee-shirts? $10,000 limit on mad money before you have to consult with the bank? When the revolution comes, I can easily imagine you insisting on a custom designed wall built for you to stand up against. And a silk Armani blindfold.
Vicki. People are allowed to not think the same as you. And I realize this is a very difficult concept for you to get your head around, but sometimes you are wrong. I think the only person in your life who hasn’t spoken up against Brooks is your brother, and I sort of suspect that’s because you pay his round trip airfare for his visits to you in OC.
Tamra, are you okay? Other than needing to make a pit stop oh so conveniently near that jewelry store, you haven’t been your usual disgusting self. Maybe it’s some image repair due to the thought of having to go out in the Real Estate business and actually earn some money at it this time around, because Eddie is NOT going to give any financial support to Ryan, that’s going to have to come out of YOUR wallet.
I was halfway through the Vicki paragraph before I realized this was turning into an Orson Speaks. Go figure. :: shrug ::
Okay, that’s about it for now. Once I declare I’m done, you can all go and get a snack and loosen any restrictive garments you might be wearing. Just be careful around trampolines, huh?
ORSON HAS SPOKEN!
True Facts: I used to be an instructor at the electronics school in the US Coast Guard. I wasn’t a genius or anything like that, but after you go through a school learning about something followed by doing it in the field for a year and then several weeks just studying the lesson plan for 7 hours a day, you sort of know what you’re doing. ANYWAY… I ended up training my students how to troubleshoot, repair, and operate a system of equipment. It was 4 equipment racks with maybe 26, um, equipments distributed between them (there were some duplicates as spares). Anyway, for each student, for their FIRST troubleshooting exercise, I’d turn one distribution amplifier off and it’d make the whole system go wahoonie shaped. And then I’d guide each student through finding the problem. I’d back them back through the system to the distribution amplifier. Now, there were actually 2 DAs on that rack, one a couple of spaces below the other one. One was working and one wasn’t. And I usually had to end up pointing out that on the one that was working there was a glowing green lamp and the lamp wasn’t glowing on the one that wasn’t working. And that the working lamp on the working DA was next to a chrome toggle switch that was in the “ON” position. And that the non-glowing lamp on the non-working DA was next to a chrome toggle switch in the “OFF” position. The switch was labled “ON” and “OFF”. So, with a leetle more encouragement, they’d flip that toggle switch and as if by a miracle, all those pesky red lights and audio alarms would cease. The important lessons to be taught were 1) silence the audio alarms so you can think, B) look at the indicators, iii) don’t panic, and 4th) things work better if you turn them on.
So, what does this ancient history have to do with anything? Well, the powered speakers for my computer died on me last night. I crawled under the desk to make sure it was plugged in. I broke out some earphones. I cranked up the volume to get the sound out of the speakers on the laptop. And I started facing the reality that I was going to have to buy another speaker system. This morning, the problem hadn’t magically repaired itself, and I found myself glaring in utter disgust at the little volume control for the speakers which lives on top of my desk. And I noticed that next to the volume knob was the power switch. And I further noted that the green LED that was supposed to be glowing wasn’t. So I pushed the power button and the LED glowed green and the sound started working.
… sadly shaking my head at myself …
So, what can the student learn from this lesson? Complacency is bad. When a Reality Check hurts you, that’s a good sign you really needed one. And things do, in fact, work better when you turn them on.
ORSON HAS SPOKEN!
Um, Starzy? The bolded stuff would sound a lot cooler if it had some reverb or echo. Is there a super sekret HTML tag for that you can tell me? I promise to never use it for Evil.