Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
S7/Reunion Part 1
Gleefully runs around the room singing, “It’s Reunion time! It’s Reunoin time! Yippie!” There’s light at the end of the tunnel, no?
Reunions are the time when everyone looks back over the season and rehashes everything that’s already been rehashed a million times. The key difference is that the women have seen most if not all of the shows and how they’ve been edited. The stage has been set…
By the time the reunion is filmed, they’ve also seen each other’s very snarkalicious talking head interviews (TH) from the entire season where we seem them mercilessly bash each another from the comfort and privacy of their own home.
Especially entertaining are the THs when they imitate each other… especially when accents are involved… And sometimes – if we’re very, very lucky… they bring props… like a Birkin bag they’ve “earned” by jumping off a yacht into the water (I’m looking at you, Dorit)… or maybe a Ziploc bag filled with Xanax (I’m looking at you, Rinna).
I really do have a love/hate relationship with Reunion shows… but I’m determined to find the funny in this Reunion… somehow… somewhere… (fingers crossed)… Part 1 of the Reunion seemed to have some of the same great taste – but it was way less filling than other reunion shows. I mean, who needs actual content? So let’s look at things in general…
Before we get too far into this… Let’s get some stuff straight about the real housewives and the reunion shows…
… We will see at least 143 genuine imitation apologies
… Their job is to create drama for the show
… They all encourage confrontation whenever it furthers the drama for the show
… They are all wackadoodle – the level of wackadoodleness just varies from one person to another
… They’re all vying for contracts for next season
And to top all of that off, this year we’ve seen a phenomenon… It seems that Rinna-nesia (the act of conveniently forgetting at will what you said just 2 seconds ago) is highly contagious and has spread to the entire cast… It’s reached epidemic proportions… Run for your lives!
Let’s look at the season in terms of “Winners” and “Losers.”
Xanax – Let’s face it… Xanax has gotten SOOOOO much free publicity from this show it would make your head spin… You know… more than it already would be if you were taking Xanax…lol. Plus, Xanax was handed the idea for their future bestselling product, “Xanax Smoothies.” They have Rinna and Eden to thank for that.
The Agency – Mauricio and Kyle shamelessly advertised The Agency (Mauricio’s real estate company) all season long by wearing ad-plastered clothes, hats, sports bottles, etc…. And we’ve grown to expect a certain level of Skinny Girl Red product placement from these shows. However, they also prominently featured actual properties that Mauricio’s company was attempting to sell – Kinda like one honkin’ infomercial. One was the destination for one of the season’s big trips and another was featured in no less than 3 episodes as the location of their ginormous annual not-so-white party.
LVP’s Animal Foundations and Businesses – People can say what they want about Vanderpinkie, but her charity work is really quite inspiring – Especially when it has to do with the protection of animals/dogs. It’s kewl that it was showcased so often on this season. None of us can hear the word “Yulin” without gasping and getting chills up and down our spine… Yet, just a couple of years ago we had never even heard of it.
Kim’s Sobriety – It was one of the 2 major storylines of the entire season even though Kim Richards herself had been unceremoniously demoted to being merely a “guest” of the housewives starting last season (Yay!). However, you’ll be pleased to know Bravo just announced that Kim’s sobriety will be a full-fledged housewife next season. Kim won’t – but her sobriety will.
Tic Tacs – In the finale, Dorit slayed Rinna by telling her that if Rinna was standing close enough for Dorit to be able to smell her breath – that she was standing way too close… As Todd Chrisley would say, “Step back and get a tic tac.” Fortunately, Tic Tac generously offered Rinna a one-year contract to be their TV spokesperson and promised to double her salary if she did so while wearing Depends.
Carnie Wilson – Her brief appearance when she was hawking what turned out to be her “healing” cheesecake momentarily brought world peace throughout the earth. Carnie was like a breath of fresh air wafting into an odoriferous cesspool of stankyness… As someone who has dealt with her own addictions, Carnie sagely said, “All I can say is… when I make a mistake I make an amends for it and I own it…and I also have to have compassion that everybody has their own pace of doing things. I have so many reasons to be resentful and not forgive people – but if I held onto that – I’m drunk.” #Words2LiveBy
PK – Need I really say more?
Panty Manufacturers – The subject of Erika’s pantilessness was a never ending topic throughout this season. Panty manufacturers across the world reported a sharp dip in sales as women everywhere suddenly decided to go commando. In unrelated news, there seems to have been a sharp rise in the sales of Lysol, upholstery cleaner, bleach, and Febreze.
Friendship Rings – We have frequently seen how offerings of friendship rings, friendship bracelets, friendship contracts, and friendship summits rarely go well. Unfortunately, Eden found this out when she offered a simple token of her friendship to a hurting Erika when they were shopping in Hong Kong. While I suspect the editing may have influenced how weird the gesture came off – It was really Erika’s unfunny and ungrateful comments about it that made me squirm. Would I have accepted the friendship ring? Maybe not… but hopefully I wouldn’t have derisively mocked the giver over the monetary value of the gift. #Ungrateful
Horses with Glitter on their Hooves – Okay, okay… I can handle fun adornments on a horse’s mane… I can even handle it wearing a tutu on auspicious occasions – like this year’s finale… but don’t we really have to draw the line with gluing glitter on their hooves? I mean seriously… Think about the teasing and taunting these poor horses will be subjected to when they return to their stables. The emotional scars will remain long after the glitter wears off. It’s way worse than Rudolph’s nose and remember they never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games.
Gold Leaf – Dorit’s wannabe fashion-forward choice in the finale of wearing gold leaf plastered to her head was unfortunate. But hey, at least she didn’t wear a Pepto-Bismol colored wig, right? I was so happy to see her somewhat normal hair style for the reunion show.
The Word “inherently” – It saddens me that we’ll never be able to use the word “inherently” without also thinking about PK.
Wedge Heels – I’m not sure why wedge heels got such a bad rap with Erika and her glam squad during the finale. The only thing worse than wearing wedge heels would be to show up to the Reunion show wearing the exact same Louis Vuitton shoes as the person you’re sitting next to… right, Erika and Rinna?
Free Wedding Tip: If you’re having an outdoor wedding – Don’t lay an aisle runner over the top of soft grass (or sand if it’s a beach wedding) and expect a pump-wearing bridal party to be able to gracefully walk down it without it getting caught in the spikes of their shoes… Not that I’ve actually witnessed that happen or anything… Nope Nope Nope… lol… Wedges or flats can be your friend… honest!
Let’s look at what each housewife brought this season…
I have flip flopped all season long about how I felt about you. Don’t get me wrong – I DO think you’re a pretentious snob wannabe and a shameless name dropper. I looked up “poser” in the dictionary and saw a picture of you and your husband… You flaunt your money at every turn but it’s like you’re all smoke and no BBQ. However, I also do think you have other sides to you. While I’m no fan of PK at this point, I do love how you guys love and adore each other.
I also like how you were able to stand your ground when everyone ganged up on you. You did not crumble into a puddle of goo – but you fired back. Oh sure, some of your words were harsh… but it was completely understandable due to the situation.
I am also not a fan of your accent and I’ve been on your case about it all season – but I’ve been recently told by those who know far better than I – that it’s a perfectly believable accent for someone to have who has led the life you’ve lived. I just find it funny how your accent magically emerged in the last couple of years. You were totally busted in that footage of the interview when you had no distinguishable accent at all.
I do like that you actually have a sense of humor – but it’s just too bad that you and your husband spend so much time pointing and laffing at other people. Plus, it always seems to be with an air of superiority to it – which is never a good thing. You are no better than anyone else – you might have more money (or not – if you believe the rumors) – but you’re seriously no better.
I mean, who cares that Erika wore a T-shirt dress to your birthday party? No one does… except you. To be fair, though, I will say that your sense of humor was often misunderstood this season. I think you might like to have a lot of fun in life – and it’s too bad it got muddied with PantyGate 2017©®™.
Your fashion sense is pretty good, too. While on the Hong Kong trip specifically, you had some really great hairstyles… However, the gold leaf you wore during the finale was such a misstep – it’s gonna take years to forgive THAT “fashion don’t”… lol.
Your biggest problem is that you’re married to PK and he comes off as being creepy. He’s almost as creepy as Dorinda’s boyfriend “John”… And that’s pretty danged creepy…(Real Housewives of New York)…
All in all… it might be said that you think that you’re all that – and a bag of chips. But just don’t make them Doritos. It also could be said that you’re all bag and no chips. In fact, you might just be a big bag of Dorito-flavored hot air that needs a tic tac. Only time will tell… But will you be back next season? Hmmm…
Oh Eden… you meant well, didn’t you? As a recovering alcoholic and as someone who had a sister die as an addict, when you heard from Rinna that Kim was close to death because of her alcoholism you just couldn’t keep yourself from getting personally involved. You believed every word that came out of Rinna’s mouth and acted on it. BIG mistake.
When you directly confronted Kyle and Kim about it – I really hated your delivery… but I respected your intentions. You drove me crazy because it’s all we heard you talk about at first… well that and some stuff about healing gems, crystals, and rocks…. Blahditty blah blah blah… (Thanks, Namaste!…lol)
It took you all season but by the finale, you had gotten your footing and finally let loose on Rinna. Again, while I don’t mind what you said – it was your delivery of the message. It seemingly came out of nowhere and made you look like a batcrapcrazy person. I get that you were pumping up the drama for the finale and next year’s contract – but alas, I think it was just too little too late.
You really should have watched previous seasons of this franchise – you would have been better prepared for how to play the game. You would have also known never to give anyone a friendship ring.
Oh, and I adore your mom.
Boy oh boy I really didn’t like you last season. This season, there have been glimpses of times when I’ve liked you a little more – even though you will ALWAYS be known to me as “That Tramp” ‘cuz you snatched Vince Van Patten from my teenaged dreams and married him.
Eileen, my friend, you are a spoon. You stir the pot ALL of the time under the guise of “conflict resolution” – but what REALLY happens is that your stirring generates a whole lotta conflict. I get that creating drama is part of the job – but it’s the hypocrisy of it that gets under my skin.
You full-on encourage people to confront each other all of the time – yet when others do the same exact thing you call them “manipulators.” Really?
I also don’t understand your blind loyalty to Rinna and Erika. You treat them so differently than everyone else and it makes my head spin. Erika screamed absolutely horrific things to you and you forgave her without even batting an eye.
Yet when Vanderpinkie uttered the word “affair” to you once 4 million seasons ago – you’ve carried that grudge around with you like your life depended on it. The problem is that it’s become an anchor to you. You have to admit you’ve tried to undermine Vanderpinkie at almost every turn and it’s just not a good look on you.
However, this season I will have to say that you HAVE looked simply mahvelous… No – seriously, you’ve looked absolutely fabulous and now I realize that I must hate you just for that reason… lol. You’ve somehow shaved 10 more years off your age from last year – as if THAT’s even possible… If you keep going, next year they’re gonna start carding you whenever you order alcohol. Have I mentioned that I hate you? Lol.
Plus, I don’t think you’ve worn a single dowdy thing all season long. So give your team of stylists, hair dressers, makeup consultants, etc. a big fat raise ‘cuz you’ve really looked stunning.
A few episodes ago, it was heartening to see that you found a common ground with Vanderpinkie in your shared love for dogs. When everyone else but Dorit went shopping in Hong Kong, you chose to go and support Vanderpinkie’s cause.
She won’t forget that simple act and neither will I. While it’s true Vanderpinkie can also carry a grudge or two hundred… I suspect that she also never forgets kindnesses – especially when they’re directed towards animals she loves.
We were all saddened that you weren’t able to adopt that adorable rescue puppy from Hong Kong ‘cuz it had a short snout and could not fly in an airplane. However, the news that your husband, Vinnie, is now finally fully housebroken – somehow made it all better. Toss him a Scooby-Snack…
Erika – When normal people inadvertently flash someone – they usually adjust themselves, nervously make a joke by saying something like, “Oops… free show,” apologize for their flashage, and perhaps turn a couple of shades of red… They don’t blame others for looking at them when their boob pops out or when their hoo hah is exposed. Oh sure, PK was creepy about it and should have handled it differently… and of course Dorit should never have bought panties as a joke for someone she barely knew… but come the heck on, Erika.
For someone who is supposed to give zero fu*ks about what other people say or think about you – you’ve managed to stretch your own exhibitionism into an entire season’s worth of storyline. Oh, and please, for the record… Just admit that you actually DO give a fu*k about what people think about you.
The truth of the matter is that we have ALL seen you almost naked several times – so asking us to believe that you’re STILL horrified by this incident is absolutely nonsensical. Oh and gasp… someone kind of implied that you might have done it on purpose? Puhleeze… It’s not like YOU chose to wear a holy cow short, tight dress out in public that night and it’s not like YOU chose NOT to wear underwear… Oh wait a minute… YOU did.
Erika, you need to take a seat… Actually, you need to take several seats… but please, keep your knees together.
Oh, and could you please ask your husband Tom to lend you the money to buy a sense of humor? ‘Cuz you need one.
This was a great season for you, no? You were able to plug your various business ventures into almost every single show. In addition to the above-mentioned The Agency infomercial, your own store was advertised several times… it was funny, ‘cuz even Rinna glowed about how much she loved to shop there. Plus, we got to see you on the set of the upcoming TV show about your life. So much free advertising. #Score
In addition, you barely had any negativity come firing your way all season long. That’s pretty amazing. Oh sure, you had to sit on the proverbial fence and pretend to be everyone’s friend and not take a side… but no one was aiming at you.
I confess that I really like it when you and Vanderpinkie are friends. I like how you joke around with each other. I like how you poke fun at her and she at you. Let the other girls fight to the death with each other… I loved watching you and Vanderpinkie as wide-eyed spectators when the others launched into the overly dramatic zone. I still think you guys should been holding a great big tub of buttered popcorn as your heads ping-ponged back and forth from player to player in perfect synchronization when all the drama unfolded.
Kyle, it’s clear that you’ve worked on your dramatic facial expressions for the camera. I appreciate how easy it was to get interesting screenshots of you with great expressions on your face.
I also liked how you took a pair of quality scissors that I prolly used in elementary school to cut some of the length off the legs of your pantsuit. It was hilarious and something I could see myself doing in a pinch. Who needs sewing machines or professional tailors?
Oh Rinna… I’ve got to admit you ARE entertaining. But I think you and me both might laff a little too hard at our own jokes.
You have told us in the past that you would do anything for a buck… Clearly, that’s true.
The problem is that you have morphed into a lying liar who lies with a severe case of convenient Rinna-nesia that pops up out of nowhere at your every whim. You have lied so much that it would take 14 years to dissect them all.
You are ridiculous. It’s hard to take you or anything you say with any seriousness anymore.
We all can be hypocrites at times – but you have taken it to a whole new level. I think your new low was to ask Dorit if she “trusted” her husband – This was a prewritten, premeditated low blow… Rinna, you busted a wine glass over way, way less in a season oh so long ago and so very far away.
You also accused Dorit of having drugs at her nationally televised dinner party just because all of the sudden you found yourself all alone at the dinner table…
News Flash: The people sitting around you at the dinner table escaped and hid from you at their first opportunity they had because they had grown tired of you and your lyin’ lips. Or, I guess it could have been the breath thing.
Dorit and PK have small kids. It was horrible to make an accusation concerning drug use on national TV. It really could have some serious repercussions.
Oh, I get it that you think it was payback for murmurings and jokes about your Xanax smoothies… And sure, Dorit was surely throwing some shade your way about it – but can you really blame people for laffin’ about something behind your back when you brought up as a joke in the first place?
After incessantly complaining all last season about how Vanderpinkie manipulates everyone – Rinna, you made a comment in your TH about how you’re letting Vanderpinkie “THINK” she has the power… Huh?
You said, “I love that Vanderpump thinks she has the power – I like to let her think that… For some reason it gives her joy – Like… Let’s give that to her – she doesn’t have a whole lot.”
Okay, so I get your comment was TOTALLY tongue-in-cheek (If there’s actually room in your mouth amongst all those lips for your tongue to physically be “in your cheek”)… but didn’t you also just “own” that you consciously allow it to appear that Vanderpinkie is manipulating you and has some sort of power over you?
It’s disingenuous to pretend to be manipulated and then turn around and blame the person for manipulating you. I know you like to play the victim, Rinna… but come the heck on.
Does Vanderpinkie manipulate situations to make a better show? Yes… but no more than Rinna, Eileen and others have done.
I will say that for me, the best part of Rinna’s season were her daughter’s THs. They were hilarious. #GiveThemTheirOwnShowStat
For the record, I did hate the whole eyelash fiasco involving Vanderpinkie and Rinna a few episodes ago… When Vanderpinkie talked Rinna into ripping off her eyelashes and then going out into public without them (Gasp!) as some sort of a wonky humiliation tactic…. but seriously, Rinna’s laffin’ all the way to the bank.
Vanderpinkie had a very tame season, no? She was allowed to showcase her charities and her businesses. I just don’t want to see another Yulin montage – it makes me cringe. Those visuals are hard to get beyond…
Vanderpinkie is dancin’ in the streets ‘cuz she was NOT the direct target for anyone this year. It’s been several seasons since that happened. I think Vanderpinkie is breathing a huge sigh of relief.
I can see how the Vanderpinkies would be friends with Dorit and PK. You can see glimpses of humor in their interactions. If only PK wasn’t so creepy…
I didn’t like how Rinna, Eileen, and Erika kept jumping on Vanderpinkie’s case whenever she tried to defend Dorit. It was like they decided it wasn’t allowed or something – but in reality they do it for each other ALL of the time… It just makes no sense and makes them look small.
Vanderpinkie is getting off easy in this post because I need to finish or it might never get posted… lol.
I will say once again… Vanderpinkie… I enjoy pink, sparkles, ribbons, and tutus just as much, if not more, than the next person… but PLEASE stop gluing glitter on your horse’s hooves. It’s embarrassing for them.
By the way, I’m not sure who is currently wearing “the crown” of this franchise… But I suspect she’s wearing pink… and she’s likely wearing panties.
Well… that’s it for this post… We have the 2nd part of the 3-part Reunion Show tomorrow… On the good news side… at least it’s not 4 parts, like the Real Housewives of Atlanta, right?
Thanks so much for reading! These housewives can be entertaining and funny as we live during some kinda scary times, no? So let’s forget the real happenings going on in the world and point and laff at them, shall we?
By the way – I’m testing out the use of – Sandy “Starzy” as part of my new name for writing blogs, articles, short stories, and books… What do you think? It’s the same snarky me… only tweaked just a lil… lol.
I still have a post about the Real Housewives of New York to finish… hopefully I can squeeze it in between everything else I need to do in the next couple of days… lol…
Video of the Week
I love videos of people hugging animals not normally hugged. This YouTube video features a guy hugging a turkey posted by DailyPicksandFlicks entitled, “Dog Gets Jealous Over Turkey Hugging Man.”
If you have not seen this really great tribute to Carrie Fisher, please take a moment to watch. This YouTube video was just posted this week by Star Wars entitled, “A Tribute To Carrie Fisher.”