Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
O Dorito, Dorito, Whyfore Art Thou, Dorito?
January 26, 2018
It’s been entirely too long since I’ve written about the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, so here are my snarky perspectives on the season thus far and especially on this week’s episode…
- I’m totally obsessed with the fashion and hairstyles in the various talking head interviews (TH). So far this season, we’ve seen everything from Pipi Longstocking meets My Little Pony to 50 Shades of Wonky. Are they in some sort of weird competition for the most outlandish looks or what?
- I’m also obsessed with the backgrounds in the THs. I look at the way they’re lit (the background, not the housewives…lol), the flowers that are used, and how the clothes they wear coordinate/compliment their surroundings, etc. In this post, I’ll include as many TH pictures as possible so you can play along with my obsession… lol.
- I’m also way too interested in Kyle’s jewelry choices (Well, everyone’s really… but mostly Kyle’s…lol) – especially her earrings. She wore a pair of circle dangly earrings that I would kill for… lol… Well, you know… .. ummm… allegedly…
Dorit Still Talks like a Bad Rendition of a Shakespearean Play
“O Dorito, Dorito! Whyfore art thou, Dorito? Deny thy accent and refuse thy fame. Or, if thou wilt not, be but the unwanted crumbly remnants in the bottom of the chip bag.”
I’ll never understand Dorit’s muddled, often changing, and wannabe British accent. Why? Why? Why? I know we’ve talked about it before – but it continues to be so danged weird. Even Kyle does a better British accent than Dorit… lol.
I’m a lover of accents so it pisses me off when someone puts one on as often as they change underwear or hairstyles just because they think it makes them sound posh.
Lol… “Posh”… WTF? Where did THAT come from? Perhaps I’m now writing with an accent? Either that or it’s a sure sign that I’ve recently watched way too much British and Australian TV.
I’ve just watched the most current seasons of Janet King, The Brokenwood Mysteries, and Love, Lies, & Records. I’m currently binging on all 5 seasons of A Place to Call Home. I just might be a binge-aholic… lol.
Speaking of hairstyles, I admit that Dorit’s ever changing, overdramatic, and “What in the heck does she have in her hair now” kinda hairstyles crack me up. I’m all for a woman often changing the way she looks – I just think you’re in dangerous territory when you do it 49 times in one day.
Stop it, Dorit… Your constant changing of hairstyles is giving me whiplash. I know you think you’re all that and a bag of chips, but come the heck on… Please try to keep it down to no more than 5 changes a day, puhleeze!
BTW… Please forgive me for going for the easy, cheesy “Dorito” reference… I’ve rarely, if ever, referred to Dorit as “Dorito” before now because 1) it was just too obvious, 2) I think she actually basks in the glory of having a cute nickname a little too much, and, 3) because it’s silly to have yet another person in the limelight be referred to as an orange, crispy snack item that leaves unwanted residue everywhere they go.
To ensure I don’t fall so easily into the on-the-nose chip reference, heretofore I will instead call her, “Dorit, The Twit”… It actually sounds best when you purposefully mispronounce her name using a short “i” sound like in “twit” instead of the long “e” sound like in “meet.”
Go ahead, say it a couple of times… “Dorit, The Twit”… “Dorit, The Twit”… You’ll likely never be able to say her name again without adding “the twit” part. I believe I’ve done my job now, no?
Teddi, the Kewl New Chick
I love Teddi… That is all.
A Tenor, a Composer, a Sandwich, and a Car
On this week’s episode, Dorit, The Twit, invited Erika to test drive a Pagani because she’s considering giving it to her darling husband for his 50th birthday. Ugh… We’re going to be subjected to this stupid birthday party for the next few episodes, aren’t we? A sense of dread has washed over my entire body…
Admittedly, I’m not into cars. In fact, at first I wasn’t sure if they were referring to Paganini, the composer/musician; Pavarotti, the tenor; a panini, the sandwich; or Pagani, the car.
Since it’s hard to test drive a composer, a tenor, or a sandwich, I used my Scooby-Doo detective skills and deduced they must be talking about the car.
The smooth talking Pagani salesmen with an accent preyed on Dorit’s unquenchable thirst to be viewed as being über wealthy – Yet, word on the street is that they may not be much more than 2 paychecks away from PK having to find a new job as an Uber driver… allegedly.
The salesman dazzled Dorit, The Twit, with jaw dropping statistics that there will only be 100 cars like this made in the entire world and only 25-30 of them will be available in the United States. He cooed that the car is “$3 million in value.”
Okay, boys and girls… When someone uses the word “value” rather than “cost” when discussing buying something – Your Spidey senses should be at full alert.
Equally absurd is anyone who would voluntarily get into a car with Dorit, The Twit, at the wheel. I believe that’s why the sales guy decided to stay behind – a $3 million dollar car is NOT worth putting his life at risk.
On Wednesday’s The Amazing Race, the two professional Indy drivers were talking about how they really don’t have a leg up on the other contestants during the driving segments on the show because they ALL have to abide by the posted speed limits.
This is why I think it’s ridiculous to pay a bazillion dollars for a vehicle that goes fast… Seriously, where are you going to drive it? On the streets of Beverly Hills? Puhleeze. And where do you park a car like that where it won’t get keyed, dinged, or stolen?
It’s all so absurd.
The Pretentiousness, Oh the Pretentiousness
It was obnoxious when Dorit, The Twit, stuck her nose up at Teddi’s unmitigated gall to serve beverages in the wrong glasses. Dorit spouted off in her TH, “There are different glasses for different kinds of drinks for a reason – I didn’t make it up – I just know the difference.”
The most delicious part was when Production rolled previous footage of Dorit, The Twit, calling them “flute glasses.” They’re called “flutes,” Dunderhead. Bravo to Bravo’s Production Team for casting some real shade at Dorit.
However, the most nauseating part was when Dorit walked back into Teddi’s house insisting, “I think I’m going to change my glass.” Her pompous snobbery is offensive.
This is just a warning… At our house, you will drink whatever the beverage is served in or don’t drink at all. Period.
Dorit’s lucky Teddi didn’t serve it in Dixie cups (no offense to Dixie cups or their wonderful comic designs).
BTW, I’m convinced we all should drink everything out of the crazily long stemmed, 23-ounce bulbous wine glasses that Olivia from Scandal uses when she sensuously inhales a delicious red wine. They are a whopping $12.95 from Crate & Barrel and in keeping with a real housewife theme, aptly named “Camille Red Wine Glass.”
These wine glasses would pair well with Dorit’s ostentatiously priced Hermès plates she was so proud of – Remember a couple of episodes ago how she boasted about paying $500 per plate? Stick THAT into your pretentious little “flute glass” and spin, Dorit.
Things That Made Me Laugh
1) I laughed when Kyle took her dog, Storm, to Vanderpinkie’s shop for a shampoo and blow out ‘cuz evidently it was Mommy and doggie day. When Vanderpinkie turned the blow dryer on Kyle it was hilarious.
2) It cracks me up that neither Lisa, nor Her Lips, can make a cup of tea. Actually, in a way it’s quite brilliant to pretend not to be able to cook – ‘cuz that way others always cook… I mean if you’re able to live with yourself for doing so… Is it too late to pretend not to be able to clean so others will clean up for you? #Asking4AFriend
3) It also made me laugh when Teddi once again called out Dorit, The Twit, on being 54 minutes late – Dorit first tried to say they were supposed to meet at 4:30… but when Teddi insisted they were to meet at 4:00, Dorit then pivoted and said she was coming from a meeting.
So, like, how does the fact that you’re “coming from a meeting” change the time you’re supposed to meet? This is all pretty silly because we know that Production was filming at Dorit’s BIG meeting – They are the timekeepers and are likely responsible for creating this whole #LateGate just to create drama. <Insert eye roll here>
Or perhaps Dorit’s issue with being late all the time is because she never properly learned how to tell time. This is sad, because these days she doesn’t even have to deal with where the big hand and the little hand are on the clock… She just has to read the danged numbers and even THAT eludes her.
4) Another thing that makes me laugh, is that Dorit, The Twit, doesn’t like anyone to touch her face. I’m guessing that also goes for everywhere else on her body. Clearly, Dorit has established this law so that PK isn’t allowed to touch her anywhere, either. I don’t blame her.
5) Oooo ooo oooo… I laughed out loud when Dorit accosted an unsuspecting Camille while she was relaxing and getting a spa treatment so she could apologize to Camille for calling her a “See You Next Tuesday” and for telling her to wear a strap-on. Dorit got right up in her face. Camille instantly jumped up and scurried away from her like Dorit’s a rabid dog.
Well, we DO know Dorit is a royal b*tch for ever saying something like that to Camille in the first place, no? Though I suspect Dorit did it because she’s taking notes from Kelly of the Real Housewives of Orange County on how to make sure you get a contract next season…
Dorit blames her bad behavior on her stupid sense of humor. Ummm… No. Your name is NOT Lisa Vanderpinkie. Only 1 person in this franchise can get away with blaming her snarky comments towards people on her British humor.
6) Ken teases Vanderpinkie that he wants to clone their beloved dog, Giggy. It’s only $50,000 but Lisa knows the money can be better spent. It’s hilarious they’re trying to get us to believe that $50,000 is a lot of money to them – when, Lisa has shoes and purses that cost more.
Lots of viewers are taking issue with cloning Giggy because he has alopecia and that it would be cruel to subject another animal to that disease when it could be easily avoided. I think Ken just loves Giggy so much he can’t handle the thought of ever being without him. I can’t blame him.
I especially can’t blame him because he unbuttoned a couple of buttons of his shirt so an adorable little puppy had a place to “hang” for a while. It was hard to listen to the conversation because the puppy was just so danged cute.
It was fun to see Kyle in her professional mode on the Warner Bros. lot as she worked on her new show, American Woman. Kyle insists the show is merely “inspired by” and NOT “based on” her life as a child star growing up in the 70s.
Kyle thinks there’s a HUGE difference between the two phrases and that people will know the difference. Kyle is wrong. She’s completely overestimating the intelligence of her audience.
Seriously, Kyle… Currently, some of your potential viewers are idiotically daring each other to eat Tide pods. They are voluntarily consuming laundry detergent. Although in their defense, perhaps they’re trying to clean up their act.
Heck, if they’re using the ones with Febreze and Downey – Maybe afterwards they’ll be soft and wrinkle free with April-fresh breath.
While technically, there IS a difference in definition between “inspired by” and “based on” – I’m guessing most viewers will not understand the nuance of the difference.
Kyle’s sisters are not happy with this production, either. Or at the very least, they haven’t been supportive of her endeavors. They know how many skeletons are in their family closet. I’m sure they’re scared to death about how far into the closet Kyle is going to take her storylines.
Kyle insists it’s her story from her perspective. I think Kyle is finally breaking out of her role as the family peacemaker and is finding her voice.
I’m a tad surprised the sisters are reacting this way. It’s not smart to piss off the person who is currently producing a show that’s “inspired by” her life when you’re one of the supporting characters in her real life.
Editing can be a heartless b*tch (Gratuitous nod to the Big Bang Theory).
I Get It
Erika’s husband, Tom, broke his ankle in a car accident. It could have been much worse, and Erika seems fully aware of that. This was the first time she’s seen Tom the least bit vulnerable – and less than superhuman.
Tom happens to be 78. Erika is 46.
All of the sudden everything clicked for me. I had always wondered why Tom, a distinguished attorney, was so okay with his wife’s exhibition antics. Attorneys are often fairly careful about their public persona.
I always thought Tom just wanted Erika to do whatever made her happy, like any loving spouse would naturally want. I concluded he must be at the point in life when he just doesn’t give a crap about what anyone else thinks…lol… Some of us arrive at this stage much earlier than others do…lol.
Plus, he’s had so much career success that nothing Erika could do would have much of a negative impact on him professionally.
But I think something else might at play, too… and we got a glimpse of it on last week’s episode.
I really believe that Tom knows that no matter how superhuman he is – that he’s not going to be this healthy forever. I’m sure Erika is well taken care of financially in case something horrible happens to him…
But I think he also wants to do everything he can to propel her to the highest heights possible so she is positioned well to thrive… Even in his absence. It’s tough to think about… It’s tough to verbalize.
It’s going to be heartbreaking to watch.
I confess I think about it all of the time, myself. If, God forbid, something horrible happens to me… I want my husband to thrive in every way possible.
I’m feverishly trying to do everything I can to ensure that happens but I’m limited. Alas, I don’t have the resources Tom has and I also have some health restraints.
I guess I can only rely on my sparkling wit and personality – So, yeah, we’re ALL in trouble… lol.
I really do need to work harder on writing those books… <sigh>
Quote of the Episode
“I’m tired. This old bag needs a fluff ‘n puff.” – Rinna in her TH about how she never misses an opportunity for a spa day.
Well, that’s it for this season so far… Wow… I really came down hard on Dorit, The Twit, didn’t I? I have no explanation other than flashy pretentiousness annoys me.
I hope you guys are all doing well… It was good to talk about RHOBH again… I’ll get back to doing “Snarkables” posts soon… It had just been so long since I talked about RHOBH that what I had to say was way more than what would be appropriate for a “Snarkables” post – this was more like an entrée…lol.
Video of the Week
Lemurs crack me up every single time. Mr. Stars and I even have an inside joke about a lemur – but that’s a whole nuther Oprah. This YouTube video was posted by BBC News entitled, “BBC Reporter Mobbed by Lemurs – BBC News… Enjoy!