Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (RHOBH)
“Sun and Shade in the Bahamas” – S9/E3
AKA: “Suspicious Minds”
Since I have a ”Burning Love” for anything with a great theme – In honoring the awesome butler named “Elvis” that was assigned to Dorit and Lisa Vanderpinkie’s hotel suite – We will weave as many Elvis song titles (perhaps with slight variations) into this week’s narrative as possible…
You’re welcome and you have been warned. Lol.
Remember Last Week…
They talked once again about Lucy, the ”Hound Dog,” whowas abandoned at a kill shelter by the woman who adopted her from Dorit The Twit. Dorit should have had Lucy, “Returned to Sender” – or at least to Vanderpump Dogs since she was contractually obligated to do so… but she didn’t…
Spoiler alert: They talk about this whole thing again and again this week, too. Although, it’s a little more palatable than last week ‘cuz they talk about it whilst on the group’s “Bahama Drama” trip…
The Baha Mar hotel in the Bahamas is gorgeous – as are the suites. Plus, there’s flamingos. ALWAYS judge a hotel by their flamingos.
Vanderpinkie decided to brave Dorit’s snoring and farting after all and pretend raced her to the best bedroom of the suite. I’m way too much of a hotel snob to believe this is the BEST suite of the hotel – but we’re supposed to believe it is – so I’ll go along with it. The suite IS gorgeous.
However, did it have a pool table? I didn’t see one – but I could have missed it – One of the suites did… If this one didn’t – clearly, it’s an inferior room. But it DID come with Elvis, the butler, so all’s well.
Kyle and Teddi also room together, as did Lisa & Her Lips and Denise.
Erika, of course, has her own special room with her 3-person glam squad. She needed enough space to house her 492 wigs and 70” ponytail.
Not to be outdone – Dorit brought her own glam squad, too.
I’ll let you guess which glam squad did a better job…
Oh, like everyone else on this trip – I almost forgot Camille – I’m convinced Camille was banished far away to some deserted island because we barely see her throughout the show. I think it’s crappy.
Okay, in full disclosure, I had a whole bunch of feels about this episode. I laughed, I cried, I gasped, and I sighed. There were significant eyerolls throughout. As you read, assume there’s at least one major eyeroll every couple of paragraphs. Before we get to the unpleasantries… let’s talk about the nice moments.
“Love Me Tender” Moments
Vanderpinkie and Denise chose to have massages together so they had a chance to get to know each other. They bonded over each of them having an adopted child as part of their family.
Denise explained that she adopted hers while she was single because she always wanted another child. She described how her daughter’s verbal skills haven’t developed because she has a chromosomal disease. It’s been difficult for her to make friends because she really can’t talk to them.
Vanderpinkie encouraged Denise that she can understand how it must be challenging for her – but that it also must be genuinely rewarding. Lisa told her she clearly sees how much joy her daughter brings to Denise’s life.
I’m not crying… YOU’RE crying…
There was also a nice moment between Dorit and Vanderpinkie. They were talking about what kind of people stay in a room named “The Chairmen’s Suite.” Dorit The Twit snootily, but playfully, said, “Only chairmen and Dorit Kemsley has stayed here.” Lisa told Dorit to get over herself. I admit I laughed.
But it was like the 3rd time Lisa had jabbed at Dorit in 15 minutes and Dorit was over it. Dorit remarked that Lisa was being very negative on this very positive trip. Dorit was right. <dagnabit> I hate agreeing with Dorit.
Lisa explained that she was exhausted but that she needed to be there to unwind. She just went through her brother’s suicide, opened a new restaurant (I think it’s 4 she owns now, right?), was in development of another in Las Vegas, and completed 3 months of filming of Vanderpump Rules.
That’s in addition to her extensive charity work and dealing with the gooberheads on this show. I grow tired. Her schedule exhausts me.
Dorit agreed Lisa needed to be there and said that maybe it would be the best thing for her. It was a nice moment. Hold onto it. There are probably not many left…
The last “Love Me Tender” moment I wanted to highlight was a private conversation that happened between Vanderpinkie and Kyle. Kyle asked Lisa (or LVP as she’s also known as…) if she was having fun on the trip.
In a rare moment of vulnerability, Lisa revealed how shocking it’s been to her that one day her life suddenly changed. She disclosed she had several arguments with her brother over the years – but now anything they could have argued about just didn’t matter.
You could tell she was at that, “if only I had one more day with him” part of grief. Grief sucks.
Lisa pleaded with Kyle to do everything she could to make up with her sisters because one day they might be gone. Literally, “It’s Now or Never.” Kyle said she was doing okay with Kim, but not so great with Kathy.
It’s something we ALL should keep in mind, no?
“In The Ghetto”
Oh Denise – You’re really growing on me. It cracks me up you were packing at 3:00 AM for this trip – No one makes good fashion choices at 3:00 AM. No one makes ANY good decisions of ANY kind at 3:00 AM for that matter.
Dorit invited everyone to her room for drinks after they had a chance to get settled in their rooms. How was Denise to know that “come to my suite for drinks” was code for, “Wear your best Blue Suede Shoes?” Or purple boots…
Everyone wore their best kaftan or animal print while poor Denise showed up in very casual shorts and a white t-shirt with her hair scrunchied up in a ponytail.
Okay, okay… so Denise was NOT actually wearing a scrunchie – but she should have. BTW… For years, ya’ll have been way too hard on scrunchies, ya know. I blame Sex and the City for it. But scrunchies are making a comeback… Be afraid… Be very afraid.
OOooooOOOO – Did I tell you I got mad at my hair a couple of days ago and cut it all off myself? For some reason it pissed me off at 1:15 AM. Now what am I going to do with all these scrunchies? Lol…
As REAL friends, I think Rinna should have given Denise (the new girl) a better heads up about the fashion expectations at these gatherings, right? All Lisa & Her Lips told Denise was that with these girls everything is dressier. I think Denise thought Rinna merely meant that she shouldn’t wear her Daisy Dukes.
The looks on their faces when Denise casually (in every sense of the word) walked in – were priceless and totally smug at the same time.
One of the best lines of the night came from Denise in her talking head interview (TH), “I was not expecting everyone to be so f*cking fancy.” Lol…
Every woman in that room secretly wished they had dressed like Denise. She looked great AND comfy.
Teddi told Kyle that she didn’t think Vanderpinkie was over the whole dog situation. Not sure how she came up with that conclusion ‘cuz Vanderpinkie was not talking about it and immediately shut the topic down every danged time it came up.
Later, there was an interesting exchange that took place between Kyle, Vanderpinkie and Lisa & Her Lips. Please note that Dorit told them earlier that she had broken out in hives (or something like that).
Vanderpinkie told Kyle and Rinna that she asked her butler, Elvis, to bring his cat to her room so she could meet him.
Kyle – “Is she [Dorit] allergic to cats?”
LVP – “I don’t know – Should we find out?”
Kyle – “Maybe she’s allergic to dogs.” Kyle nervously laughed at her ill-timed joke. Awkward silence permeated air. Like a shark sensing blood in the water, Rinna started her hunt and chirped…
Rinna – “It got very quiet… What is that about? What happened?”
Kyle – “Well, I don’t know that it’s a secret… Is that a secret?
LVP – “l refuse to talk about it now.“
Kyle – “Are you still mad at her?”
LVP – “Let’s not bring it up now… There’s not a problem at all…”
Rinna – “Is there a problem with between you guys? ‘Cuz I’m not seeing it.”
LVP – “There’s not a problem at all…I know there was no malicious intent – She was just being Dorit.”
The next day, Kyle told Teddi about how Vanderpinkie wouldn’t let her talk about the dog in front of Rinna. As they’re talking about it, as if on cue, Rinna conveniently showed up to their room to join the conversation. It’s a miracle how that happens, no?
Teddi clued in Rinna that she was first told about the situation by one of LVP’s employees. Then the subject came up again in front of Kyle when Teddi and Kyle were visiting Vanderpump Dogs. One of the employees physically brought out Lucy to meet Teddi. Cameras were rolling.
Let’s pause for a moment here… Most of the stuff we see on these shows doesn’t just spontaneously happen. The women talk to each other and to production to create the scenarios we watch. There is a lot of strategic planning that goes into these “unscripted” shows. This dog situation was pure GOLD.
I don’t know who first told production about it – it really doesn’t matter. Thereafter, a lot of stuff happened SO it would come out on camera. Currently, a couple of people connected to Vanderpump Dogs have been telling their side of story off-screen, if you want to search for the articles.
Remember, Dorit told Vanderpinkie she had personally re-homed Lucy the day after she had already done so… Initially, Vanderpinkie didn’t make a big deal about it because she was assured Lucy went to a great home. She was giving her friend a break. This was the 2nd dog that didn’t work for Dorit – the first she returned to Vanderpump Dogs in accordance with her contract.
However, the minute Lisa received word Lucy wound up in a kill shelter… THAT’S when Vanderpinkie flipped her fig. Do you blame her? Do you blame her employees for being mad at Dorit?
Meanwhile, back to the Bahama Drama…
In the twinkling of an eye, Rinna laid out a carefully crafted conspiracy theory to Teddi and Kyle that would have taken more than a nanosecond to concoct. Are we pretending to think after the previous night’s gathering ended, that Rinna did NOT knock down Kyle’s door to pry the secret out of Kyle? Especially when she knew LVP did NOT want to talk about it?
There is no way Rinna would have gone to sleep knowing that Kyle was aware of some juicy tidbit involving Vanderpinkie and Dorit. No freaking way… Rinna would have done ANYTHING to get that info, no? Seriously… I would have, too. It’s kind of her job…
Rinna told Kyle and Teddi they should figure out what part they are playing in all of this – because they ARE playing a role. Rinna explained she thought LVP had a pattern of having others do her dirty work while keeping her own hands clean.
I agree they ALL stir the pot – to some extent. All housewives are spoons. Some housewives are bigger spoons than others.
They wind each other up for the sake of drama. They ALL want to create the best show possible – and if it means occasionally throwing a friend under the bus… Well…. That’s just the cost of being on the show.
They talk about how Vanderpinkie set up this whole thing to make Dorit look bad. They talk about how LVP was using Teddi and Kyle to do her bidding.
Rinna told them LVP couldn’t bring the subject up herself – so she had her employee(s) do it for her. She asked them to think back and remember how it all started.
Teddi said she didn’t like to be set-up or lied to… She was getting angrier and angrier.
OMG… Do you know who originally made Dorit look bad? DORIT!
Who is continuing to make Dorit look bad? Kyle, Teddi, and Rinna because throughout the rest of the episode and I’m sure throughout the season, they KEEP bringing it up.
If you truly cared about Dorit, you wouldn’t keep bringing up a subject that makes Dorit look bad. With friends like you, who needs enemies?
LVP wanted “a little less conversation” every danged time the subject of Lucy was brought up.
“Don’t Be Cruel”
As the women were sitting around a table talking, Lisa & Her Lips decided she wanted some drama to come out. She told the others that Dorit had invited them there so they could say whatever needed to be said so they could work things out with each other.
Camille recognized instantly that it would open Pandora’s box. This may be the reason she is only a “friend” on this show – ‘cuz she’s way too smart for the rest of them.
LVP shocked everyone by NOT bringing up the dog situation with Dorit. Instead, she talked about how happy she was to be among friends who supported her during this especially hard time in her life.
She told Erika that she felt a little distant from her because the only contact she had with her was a couple of lines on a condolence card.
Ruh roh… Run for your lives!!!!
Every muscle on Erika’s body tensed; every hair stood in rapt attention – even the 70” fake ones. The only thing that saved Vanderpinkie from the daggers that were shooting from Erika’s eyes were the designer sunglasses Erika was wearing.
Erika said she sent a personal note from her heart on her own stationery. We have a picture of it because Erika knew you hafta bring the receipts when dealing with someone who is slippery – plus she is married to a lawyer. #evidence
IMO Vanderpinkie was wrong to bring up the note at all. Wrong… wrong… wrong! I mean, who does that? Who criticizes a condolence card?
Erika could easily have had one of her assistants send flowers in her name with the florist signing the card – but it would have been way LESS personal.
Instead, Erika had to find her personalized stationery (that I thought we all stopped using when we were 11, but I digress) and her favorite purple pen to personally write out her sentiment. Plus, she had to find a stamp to use – which is no easy feat these days.
No one knows what to say in these situations. You certainly don’t want to say the wrong thing… “I’m sorry” feels woefully inadequate. Arguably, the words on Erika’s card were somewhat generic and could be found pre-printed on any greeting card – but they WERE handwritten… and that totally counts.
I suspect Lisa’s point was that she thought she was close enough friends with Erika that she wanted a phone call from her. IMO, this whole thing was a back-handed compliment. The problem was that it was likely far out of Erika’s comfort zone to make a personal phone call to her at that point.
If she was in Lisa’s situation, I believe Erika would prefer some alone time to grieve. So that’s how she handled it with Lisa.
After yet another awkward silence, Vanderpinkie announced she wanted to move on. Erika sniped at her that if she doesn’t bring the subject up again – they can move on. Erika told her she will defend herself and warned LVP not to make her out to be a bad guy.
LVP told Erika that she would have loved to connect with Erika privately, but, “Here we are.” Erika responded in kind and shoved her plate away in frustration.
Camille told LVP she thought she was brave to go on the trip. I’m really loving Camille.
In a Captain Obvious way, Erika pointed out to Lisa that she seemed very sad. In other news – water is wet.
Erika said, “I would imagine you would want your peace and your quiet.” LVP thanked her for saying that. LVP reached across the table to grab Erika’s hands to say, “You did nothing wrong.”
Erika said, “I know.”
Peace is restored throughout the land… kind of…
“All Shook Up”
Later, at dinner, some of the women leave temporarily to go to the “little housewife’s room.” While they were gone, Kyle told Vanderpinkie that she was feeling weird about the side conversations about the dog.
Lisa told her she resolved the issue. Teddi asked Lisa if Dorit knew that they know about it…
Everyone comes back….
Teddi told Dorit (and the rest of the table) that she knew about the whole dog situation and how she didn’t think she should have been told by the person from Vanderpump Dogs.
Remember, LVP had already given Dorit a heads-up that Kyle and Teddi knew about it because it came up during filming a scene at Vanderpump Dogs. In addition, Dorit had told Erika her side of the story separately – so Camille, Denise and Rinna were the only ones who didn’t know about it before this trip began.
Teddi wanted to make it clear that she would never intentionally do anything to hurt Dorit – Except, you know, incessantly bringing up the subject on camera.
Vanderpinkie tells them it’s not her fault the story is “out there.”
Again – I don’t know if Lisa helped get the story “out there” or not while trying to keep her (and her organization’s) hands clean. It wouldn’t surprise me, and I wouldn’t blame her.
You know who I’d blame? Dorit! Dorit IS the reason there’s a story at all. Dorit’s actions are what made her look bad. Everyone who keeps bringing up the subject is what KEEPS her looking bad.
Lisa & Her Lips told Vanderpinkie she should have protected Dorit… Period… End of story. From my perspective, at least on camera, LVP DID protect Dorit. I don’t know what happened off camera – but on camera she did.
LVP explained she employs 400 people and can’t be responsible for all they do and say. While LVP is correct – she should have reprimanded those responsible, no? They represent her organization and must be held to a high standard.
You can’t talk about customers to other customers. You just can’t.
Who knows? LVP might have reprimanded them– We wouldn’t know since it would be an HR issue. One of the guys involved isn’t even an employee.
Vanderpinkie told Dorit that she didn’t believe for a second that Dorit was guilty of giving to the dog to anybody but what she thought was to a great home. But somehow – it all went wrong. She told Dorit she supposed that Dorit should have given the dog back to her.
Rinna is intent on her belief that none of this would be “out there” if LVP didn’t want it to get out there. In her TH, Rinna says that LVP, “Is f*cking slipping.”
Dorit expressed that she’s been villainized by all of this because she thought she was giving Lucy to a good home. Right, as if Dorit would even KNOW a “good home” even if it bit her on the nose (Sorry, too soon?)…
Dorit turned on the alligator tears and everyone immediately rushed to her side to soothe her.
So yeah, Vanderpump’s brother died and they pat her on her head and say, “there, there.”
Dorit’s irresponsible actions come out into the open – and everyone is all, “OMG OMG – We’re so sorry you’re the victim in all of this.”
LUCY is the victim, you gooberheads. OMG… Channeling my best Danielle Staub impression, “Pay attention, puhleeze!”
Dorit blubbers, “She’s my friend…”
Camille and Denise were trying to make sense of everything. Camille asked an obvious question to LVP, “Why didn’t Dorit just call you and tell you the dog is biting?”
Lisa responded, “Exactly.” Denise said she agreed that LVP’s employee should have never said anything. LVP agreed with her but that she also had no idea that Teddi would be gossiping.
LVP directly asked Teddi, “How did he tell you?”
Teddi hedges, “It doesn’t matter how he told me – It’s how he told us…” She said later that it wasn’t fair to her and she didn’t like being a scapegoat. I know they do “goat yoga” – Do they do “scapegoat yoga?”
Dorit said, “Exactly, that’s an agenda.” Poor widdle Dorit is the VICTIM in all of this.
Okay, what agenda is that, Dorit? Stating the truth about something you did? Puhleeze. Sit down.
Teddi left the table in a huff… LVP wondered why she’s on this trip at all and stated she would have rather stayed home and had a root canal. We do need some laughing gas right about now…
“(Let Me Be Your) Teddy Bear”
We learned how a couple of the women got their names.
Kyle said she was named after an NFL football player named “Kyle Rote.” Who knew?
Teddi disclosed that her parents had decided on 2 names when she was born: “Teddy Joe” if she had been a boy, and “Baby Doll” if she was a girl. Even though she was a girl (clearly), her Mom decided to go with the boy’s name. Her dad didn’t have a say in it since he was away on tour… lol.
I think Teddi dodged a bullet… BIG time… lol.
Let’s End on a Light Note
There were some things that made me laugh a little…
Kyle and Teddi were talking privately in their room. Teddi said, “I think most of us know when we’re wrong.”
Kyle responded good naturedly, “Yeah, I was wrong once – that was the worst day!” They both laugh and laugh.
Another time I laughed was while everyone else was arguing about the dog at the table, Denise told us in her TH, “I don’t even know what these b*tches are fighting about.” I love her… and specifically, her use of the word “b*tch” while talking about a female dog and these women.
I admit I also laughed after Dorit’s glam squad finished Dorit’s hair and makeup, Vanderpinkie told Dorit that she looked like one of her dogs. To be fair, I’ve seen some side-by-side comparison pictures – and let’s just say, all Dorit needs is a collar.
I think it was also fun that since Denise is a “Bond Girl” – (Yes, THAT kind of James Bond girl)… She re-enacted her best sexy walk out of the ocean while wearing a bikini like all “Bond Girls” do… Except that Denise never had to do that for her particular movie… but it was still fun!
The last fun moment I wanted to mention, was when Vanderpinkie had to answer the door of their suite because Dorit (the hostess) wasn’t ready.
Using an exaggerated English accent, Lisa opened the door and said, “Madam is not quite ready.”
Let the record reflect that Dorit is late even to her OWN parties in her own room. That’s vindication for all of last season for you, Teddi… lol.
However, I want to know why Vanderpinkie is answering the door at all… I mean, where’s Elvis? Isn’t this his job as the butler for the suite? I guess Elvis must have left the building. <insert gratuitous grown>
That’s it for this week. Like I said, I had a whole lot of feels about it.
I know you likely don’t agree with some (if not all) that I wrote… but let’s agree to disagree agreeably. Twitter has been an ugly slugfest recently… People have been saying nasty stuff to each other and to the housewives themselves.
It may not always look like it – but I do try to be fair… It’s tricky because I see differing perspectives – any of which could be the truth.
Unfortunately, I’m not convinced we ever know the full truth because we only see a fraction of what is filmed – and we have no idea what goes on behind the scenes.
I think together we can try to make sense out of it all without throwing those who have different opinions than we do into a pit of vipers.
Thanks so much for reading… I really appreciate it. Until next time…
Video of the Week
I first saw this video because a couple of friends posted it on FB. I think many of us could learn a bit about empathy from this dog. I’ll refrain from pointing fingers at specific RHs – but you know who you are.
The YouTube video was posted by Storyful Rights Management and entitled, “Empathetic Dog Reacts to Emotional Scene in The Lion King.”
All photos are video screenshots of the episodes or videos related to the episodes that can be accessed at: www.bravotv.com. The group shot is from the RHOBH’s Facebook page – that can be accessed at: https://www.facebook.com/pg/RealHousewivesofBeverlyHills/photos/?ref=page_internal