Real Housewives of New York City (RHONY)
RHONY – “Worldwide Kool-Aid Shortage”
Alerts have been issued that Kool-Aid inventory levels are critically low around the globe. No official explanations have been offered except Kool-Aid was especially scarce in New York City.
Evidently, the Real Housewives of New York City have drunk enough of their own Kool-Aid this season to cause the global scarcity. Welcome to the RHONY!
We’re now 4 episodes into the season and it’s about time we weighed in on the status on how our favorite urbanites are doing. Let’s look at their relationships as summarized by song titles and go from there…
Sonja – “I Kissed A Girl and I Liked It”
After watching this week’s episode this song was a no brainer, right? Lol.
While celebrating Sonja’s “Paper Magazine” spread at a party at a bar… Wait, we shouldn’t really say “spread” when talking about Sonja, right?
The article in the magazine had pictures that made Sonja look like she had spent a few too many months on Hunger Island and was kidnapped by a roving band of gypsies who gave her impossibly long, straight hair extensions.
She looked strong and beautiful in the photos… She also looked great on the show… However, the two visual images were just so disparate from each other that it made me bow down to the photoshop gods… allegedly.
Okay, meanwhile back at the party – they’re all just hanging out having a great time when a seemingly random woman we had never seen before magically appears out of nowhere and asks Sonja for a kiss on the lips.
Sonja – who has never seen a set of lips she did NOT want to kiss – quickly obliged. They made out for so long that I can’t believe no one yelled at them, “Get a room!”
To be fair… the only lips Sonja MAY not want to kiss are lizard lips. Other than those… everything and everyone is basically open season. I love that about her.
Some of you may be asking yourselves the question we ALL debated in HS, “Do lizards HAVE lips?” Oh sure, you can get all scientific and respond with facts and stuff – but that’s no fun.
I grew up with an iguana named, “Harvey.” Harvey loved to eat grapes, banana, and lettuce – nothing live, thank goodness. Harvey grew to be well over 3 ½ feet – including his tail. His tail could be legitimately classified as a weapon of mass destruction.
He was my brother’s pet – so I never actually attempted it – but I’m positive I could have put lipstick on Harvey – if someone held his tail. Therefore, I must deduce… that lizards DO have lips. Period. Don’t @ me… lol.
Back to Sonja…
I’m always rooting for Sonja to find a wonderful partner in life because it seems like that’s what she wants. I suspect she’s looking for love in all the wrong places. I think she wants someone who is rich and handsome to take care of her – which isn’t a bad thing… it’s just a thing.
However, after all the financial and emotional messes she’s been through, I think she actually craves security most of all right now. The problem is that I’m not sure how often “security” comes wrapped in a rich, handsome package.
Sonja told Tinsley and her Mom that she has so many men after her right now that she has to beat them off… no wonder there’s a line… lol…
Sonja is ditzy, delusional at times, completely wackadoodle, and holy cow loving. She has lots to offer to a relationship. Yet, instead of being herself – it’s like she kind of turns into a chameleon and changes into what she thinks the other person wants or needs.
Perhaps this means that Sonja just needs to meet the right chameleon – who has lips – even if they are neither rich nor handsome.
Overall, Sonja has always been a “make love not war” kinda person which may explain what she did with those vats of Wesson oil that were in her townhouse basement.
Ramona – “You’re So Vain”
There are certain things in life you can always count on. Ramona’s self-centeredness is one of those things. Plus, she thinks she’s a flirting queen who has lots of game. She doesn’t.
Her flirting doesn’t bug me when she’s in a bar or some other social situation. However, I do get twitchy when she flirts with people who are just trying to do their jobs.
A couple of episodes ago, remember that poor man who was trying to teach her how to swim? Ramona would NOT leave him alone. She all but pawed him to rip his clothes off. Then, when he DID strip down to his swimsuit – she audibly purred.
She made several overtly sexual statements – with each of them more prurient than the last.
The poor, innocent guy was just trying to instruct her how to do the breast stroke by using her pool noodle.
Okay, wait… that sounded way too sexual than I wanted. Who knew pool noodles could be sexy?
I dunno…maybe I’m overreacting to it… but I kept thinking if the genders were different – If it was a woman teaching a man how to swim – and HE made all of those sexually charged comments to HER – then I think we might have accused him of sexually harassing her in the workplace, no?
However, when Ramona flirts in a normal, social environment – I find her to be hilarious. Calling her a “cougar” seems like such an understatement. She’s a ravenous, flesh-eating carnivore scavenging for her next piece of meat.
If Ramona sees someone else busy tenderizing a fresh piece of tasty meat at a bar – she will unabashedly hip check them to chase her competition away so she can maneuver the wounded gazelle into her personal corner of the room.
When watching her in action – I often play a game to predict how long it’s going to take her to say something sensationally silly. Usually, it’s within 4 sentences… sometimes less – but it’s always cringeworthy.
Imagine my delight when during this week’s episode, we saw Ramona in action on a blind date in her own, natural habitat. It was especially hilarious, because without uttering a word – we knew this man was NOT Ramona’s type of guy… at all.
As they started their gratuitous banter – the outlook got worse and worse. It was a train wreck and we just couldn’t look away.
We know Ramona has a checkoff list in her head about the kind of man she wants to date. We’ve all heard it before – She wants him to have been married before, have grown kids, be ready to settle down, and be financially independent.
It doesn’t seem too much to ask, right? Except that I guess that night it was “Opposite Day.” We could tell this guy was a piece of work from the beginning when he air-kissed her on both sides of her cheek and then gloated about growing up in France within 4 seconds of meeting her.
A highlight was when he boasted about almost getting married, what was it… 8 times? I’m not sure that’s something you ever want to brag about – much less on a first date. He might as well wear a neon sign blinking, “I have long-term commitment issues.”
When he launched into his, “It’s unnatural to be monogamous” spiel, you could hear the alarm bells clanging their warning from deep inside Ramona’s head.
It’s difficult to find someone you click with at any age. It gets harder as you get older.
Dorinda – “Thank You, Next”
We had a “Creepy John” sighting during this week’s episode. It’s the first time we’ve seen him in a very long time. I almost sent out a team of cadaver sniffing dogs to search the closets and wardrobe trunks at Bluestone Manor – Dorinda’s home in the Berkshires.
I wouldn’t have blamed her if something “accidently” happened to him – Heck, I would have helped her hide the body… allegedly.
We barely saw John all last season, right? I halfway expected this season to begin with their big breakup scene. It hasn’t happened yet… but who knows? We shall see.
I want Dorinda to be happy… but she doesn’t seem happy. I think she is a good person. I know she’s really been there for people in a million different ways long after the cameras have stopped filming. I also think she keeps track of it all.
This season – Dorinda seems to be a mess.
She’s trying not to drink – or at least not drink so much – which is a good thing. We’ve seen on the show how mean and vicious she can be when she’s drunk. It doesn’t help that she angers easily and goes for the jugular.
It’s ludicrous that Dorinda’s STILL mad at Luann for making one comment about how Dorinda “turns” when she starts to get tipsy. We’ve ALL seen it (including Dorinda) – there’s more than ample footage to prove it – Yet Dorinda pretends it isn’t true.
Dorinda maintains a lot of things she’s blamed for aren’t true – except that we all have witnessed it. But I guess that doesn’t matter.
It’s laughable that Dorinda thinks she didn’t heckle Luann at the fashion show – she did and even Tinsley joined in… It was not good-natured. She was angry at Luann.
Dorinda also said she didn’t bring a physical copy of the lawsuit against Luann to a gathering she was at. Technically that’s true – but she accessed it on her phone and passed it around so everyone could read it.
Isn’t that essentially the same thing?
Tinsley – “Love Is A Battlefield”
Tinsley’s been dating Scott for multiple seasons now. He lives in Chicago – she lives in NYC. Tinsley says they’ve talked about marriage… he knows the ring she wants and her ring size.
In the past, she’s characterized their relationship as being on again/off again. During their “off” season – they date other people.
I used to like Tinsley’s Mom, Dale, but now not so much.
Oh sure, she’s always been pushing Tinsley to get married because she wants grandbabies – but I just kind of chalked it up to her wanting Tinsley to be happy. Again, now not so much.
This week, we saw Dale model Tinsley’s ex-husband’s new wife’s shoe line. We’ve grown numb to housewives hawking their business ventures – haven’t we ALL seen so much Skinny Girl stuff we’re seeing red in our sleep?
But this… THIS was a whole new “hell no” level. I’m sure this was all planned out and that Tinsley knew what was happening before it happened… but HELL NO!
It’s messed up enough that Tinsley okayed it all – but it’s horrific that her Mom was gleefully involved. Plus, Dale couldn’t resist rubbing Tinsley’s nose into it when she cooed at the cuteness of Topper’s baby. Who DOES that to her daughter on national TV?
Especially to a daughter who wants desperately to be married and have kids?
Dale thinks at Tinsley and Scott’s age, they should know within 6 months if they want to get married. I think you should date someone at least a year – so you see them throughout the seasons.
My husband and I just celebrated the 15th anniversary of when we first met IRL. We originally met online and had spoken on the phone for a couple of years before ever meeting… It still took us about a year and a half after he moved here to become engaged.
I kept teasing him that I could be nice for 15 years… but it’s that 15 years + a day when I turn into a real PITA.
I don’t have a good feeling about Tinsley’s relationship for some reason… I hope I’m wrong.
I also think Tinsley might need to find herself and find contentment without a guy in her life. If she wants to have kids so much – maybe she should press forward without “a someone.”
We know she froze her eggs. There’s plenty of viable options available for her. We have the technology. There are also lots of kids who need adoption – especially older kids who might be perfect for Tinsley.
Luann – “Addicted to Love”
Luann is officially sober… one day at a time. Or at least she was. It’s hard to keep track.
She may not be drunk alcohol-wise – but she is completely PLASTERED ‘cuz evidently she drank 4,927 vats of her own Kool-Aid. Perhaps it’s ‘cuz she couldn’t find anything else that didn’t have any alcohol in it to drink – but it’s sickening and gross.
Who gets arrested, tries to assault a police officer, has 2 stints in rehab, gets married, gets divorced, gets sued by her own kids – all within a year – and STILL thinks her farts don’t stink?
It’s beyond my brain!
She’s called herself a “cabaret star.” Puhleeze. I love that she’s having fun doing cabaret shows all over the place – but when you refer to yourself as a “star” – it devalues the years of training that entertainers put themselves through to hone their craft.
You are a “real housewife” with a “real following” who enjoy showing up for your shows. It’s awesome! Just stop pretending to be something you’re not.
In this week’s show we saw Luann performing some of her court-mandated community service at
“God’s Love – We Deliver (GLWD).” GLWD is an organization that cooks and delivers meals to people who are suffering from severe illnesses in the New York City metropolitan area.
Luann brought a friend along with her which is great – because the charity is getting a twofer out of Luann’s community service.
The problem is that Luann treated this as a joke or at least as fun time. GLWD has a job to do – They have hundreds of containers to fill with food for the day’s deliveries… Time’s a wastin’…
After being given specific instructions about how to ladle soup into containers – Luann decided she would do it her own way.
When you’re told to put one ladle-full and no more into a container – THAT’S what you do. But no… Our former Countess decided one and a half ladles would be better.
That stuff is carefully measured, dagnabit! If you do that for more than a couple – you will end up short at the end – it has a cumulative effect.
Also, when you ladle… ladle OVER the pot – so that if you spill it – it goes back into the pot and not on the floor.
And then… THEN she and her friend decide to ladle some soup into containers for themselves to taste. The did a “cheers” and clanged their plastic containers together then drank the soup. No joke! I get taking a small spoon and tasting some of it maybe… but come the heck on.
This soup is for people who actually NEED it – not for your entitled, arrogant ass.
The manager caught them in the very act itself and said, “Well, that’s a first.” UGHHHHHHHHH!
My head just exploded.
Oh, did I mention Luann whined because the ladle was heavy? Don’t get me talking about how she was also complaining about her probation officer and how she needs permission to go anywhere. She’s lucky she got a plea deal in the first place that included a whopping 50 hours of community service.
Fifty hours shouldn’t be hard for her to do – when she doesn’t have an 8:00-5:00 job, right? There are rumors that she didn’t even complete that within the first 6 months.
Okay… I saved the hardest for last…
Bethenny – “I Just Called to Say, ‘I Love You’ ”
Dennis, Bethenny’s almost a fiancé, was found dead only 3 weeks before filming. Three weeks!
She’s got to be coping by throwing herself into work which is an environment largely under her control. When you’re in these crisis situations you grasp for normalcy. However, I admit it’s a little scary to me that filming RHONY could ever be considered “normal.” But whatever works…
Bethenny was likely in a zombie-like state walking around aware of things going on around her but existing in a parallel universe of sustained state of shock. She was participating – but not.
I believe Dennis was an ever-present pillar of strength in Bethenny’s life in significant ways that no one else ever had been or likely ever will be. They’d been close friends for years and years. The history they shared together is irreplaceable.
There were issues keeping them apart. I’m not going to speculate on what those issues were – but they were significant enough for Bethenny NOT to say an unequivocal “yes” to his semi-recent proposal that included him giving a ring to her daughter, Brynn, too.
There’s no doubt Bethenny deeply loved him.
Bethenny has also learned the hard way to set boundaries.
Perhaps this can be most easily evidenced by what happened this week. Her ex’s attorney grilled her during their child custody hearing by specifically asking her how many men she’d slept with – as if that had anything to do with anything.
Bethenny’s answer should have been, “Since I obviously I slept with Jason – the answer is one too many.”
After finding out Dennis had died, Brynn sweetly asked Bethenny if she could text message him. It broke my heart and gave me life at the same time.
It made me wish there were cell phones in the afterlife. If so, what would we text our loved ones who have gone on before us? Are there things we should be saying to our loved ones now?
Bethenny is dating someone else at this point – I don’t know the circumstances and I don’t really care. I just hope she is being gentle bentle with herself and is getting what she needs to push through this hard season of life.
Grief is hard.
We had front row seats to watch how Bethenny reacted to people who were seeing her for the 1st time after the funeral. Except that now they were at a clam bake – and Bethenny wanted nothing more than to temporarily suspend her overwhelmingly sad reality for a moment.
But she couldn’t… because people with good intentions kept coming up to her to express their condolences.
Everyone’s grief is different. Bethenny is not a touchy-feely kind of person to begin with – so this must have been especially excruciating.
Lobsterfest Was More Like a ROBsterfest
It was hard to watch Sonja, Ramona, and Tinsley cater to Dorinda when she decided to stay home from the clam bake because she refused to call Luann to attempt to smooth things out with her.
I mean they literally CATERED to Dorinda by bringing home 45 lobsters with enough clams and corn on the cob that they didn’t need to buy food for at least 6 months. They didn’t even bother to eat much (if anything) while AT the clam bake itself. How rude!
Barbara, the host, was being sweet in offering them the opportunity to take food home with them. I’m with Lu on this one – she didn’t want them to take anything. I mean, Luann really had no say in the matter – it was all on Barbara – but I did agree with her.
Tinsley was the only one who had any common sense about the whole situation and balked at taking the food.
Sonja summed up the situation and her life when she said, “I’m not leaving the lobsters. That’s who I am. That’s just who I am!” I now understand why these women carry large Birkin bags.
Egregious Things That Ramona Says for $500, Alex
Ramona never ceases to amaze me with the crap that flies out of her mouth.
She told us that she doesn’t like Barbara because she’s an axe murderer… no wait… that’s not it… She doesn’t like Barbara because she’s a meanie weenie… No, that’s not right either. Get this… Ramona said she doesn’t like Barbara because, “She’s so masculine.”
WTF? How could that possibly be a legitimate reason NOT to like someone? It’s not even true. I don’t find her any more physically masculine than anyone else. It might be because Barbara has a company that makes tool kits – but aren’t we well beyond that kind of thing being labeled as being “masculine?”
Was this a comment referring to her sexual preferences? I have no idea which team(s) Barbara is on but who the heck cares?
It’s ridiculous – but it’s not the MOST ridiculous comment Ramona made this season thus far.
That comment was reserved for the now deceased Dennis.
Tinsley, Sonja, and Ramona were talking about how Sonja had asked Dennis to help Luann out with her lawsuit situation with her kids. Sonja was explaining how smart Dennis was – I think it says a lot about Dennis that he was willing to help Luann out at all.
Ramona said and I quote, “How smart can Dennis be? I mean, he WAS on drugs. Come on.”
Intelligent people die from drug overdoses ALL of the time. Addiction to drugs or alcohol has nothing to do with intelligence whatsoever.
She was probably referring to the fact that Dennis died of an accidental drug overdose. If I understand it correctly, he had some sort of an injury a couple of days earlier and was taking pain medication. He over medicated himself – realized it – tried to get help – but it was just too late.
Just when I start to like Ramona again and forget why I dislike her so much, she goes and says something like this. She’s ridiculous.
That’s it for this post – OMG OMG OMG… I have so much more to say but this blog is quickly approaching 4,000 words and I’m gonna bore you all to tears! Lol…
Plus I really want to get it posted… I promised to post it today so I’m trying my best to do so…
As always, thanks so much for reading! I really appreciate it!
Video of the Week
Since we talked about some of their love lives in this post – I thought this video would be appropriate. This kid is AWESOME plus she plays the ukulele! The YouTube video was posted by The Crosbys entitled, “Can’t Help Falling In Love – Elvis Cover by 6-Year-Old Claire Crosby.” Enjoy!
All photos are video screenshots of the episodes or videos related to the episodes that can be accessed at: http://www.bravotv.com. The group shot is from the RHONY’s Facebook page – that can be accessed at: https://www.facebook.com/rhnyc/photos/p.10156910306035498/10156910306035498/?type=1&theater